She stiffens, eyes widening and landing on Jared who is still only staring at me.
“Jared, please go.” My tone is firm despite my shaking legs, and he nods, finally relenting.
His tall, lean frame is hunched, hair falling forward, obscuring his chiseled features as he leaves. His posture is that of a defeated man.
The crackle of intense longing, aggressive and blatant, rips through me even after his foul and unbearable news. Warped and wounded, my heartbeat stalls, my lungs still, and it’s an overwhelming battle not to go after him.
No matter the past, I’ll always love him.
Always.
As for the future, it’s no longer clear if we have one.
I wipe at the tears and snot on my face, digging deep for the strength to deal with Bianca. I don’t know this person in front of me, and I don’t think I ever did.
“What happened? Is Jared okay?” With a fleeting look into the hallway, she comes in without invitation, closing the door behind her.
Just a look at her and the urge to throw up is overwhelming. We weren’t close growing up, but I love her. No, maybe it’s loved her. Because I can’t love someone who is capable of the lies and betrayal.
“Who the hell are you?” I’m at a loss for what I feel. It’s as if I hardly know her. Did I ever?
“What? What is going on?” She places her hands on her hips, frowning and using that tone, the one that suggests she thinks she’s in charge.
I stare long and hard, seeing her for the first time in many years. “Why, Bianca?”
“What are you talking about?” She tips her head to one side, one hand nervously tucking her hair behind her ears.
“Jared told me.”
“Told you what?” She now seems less confident, more awkward and self-conscious, perhaps now putting it all together.
“Your threesome.” My contempt flies at her, and she staggers back as if pushed.
“He says he was trying to connect with me.” My stomach curdles at the reason, not able to swallow it any more than I could when I first heard it. “What’s your reason? Were you trying to connect with me too?”
My sneer doesn’t hide that if she tries the same excuse, it won’t fly. She gasps but stays transfixed, silent. Head throbbing and heart broken, I try to inhale a few calming breaths.
“You see, as much as I hate it, I can kind of understand why he did it. He thought I was dead, so it makes sense he was trying to find something he lost. But not you, dear sister.” The word—sister—burns my tongue. “You knew I was alive.”
“God, Eva, I’m so sorry. I never wanted you to know, even if Jared never discovered you were alive. I was mourning too. Yes, I knew where you were, but I was racked with guilt…still am.”
She dares to step closer to me. “I missed our life, our parents, and you. And Jared reminded me of that. Every time I looked at him, I’d relive some memory from our childhood. Sometimes sweet and other times bitter, but either way welcomed. And I thought…”
Her words are an infection twisting and spreading inside me to the point of excruciating pain. I understand wanting to hang on to the past, to relive days when our parents were happy and Mamá was alive. But that doesn’t excuse what she did.
“What exactly did you think?” I curl my fingers into fists, trying to keep my fury in check.
“I wanted to be close to them. To you. And thought being with Jared would do that.”
“Seriously? So you’re saying you did it for the same reasons.”
“Papi didn’t care if I worked with Jared. He didn’t care if I ran away or joined a harem. He never did. Not when we were kids and certainly not when we became adults.”
She glances up at me and her eyes are thick with remorse. “You’re his favorite, his golden child. It was wrong what I did.”
I will not feel guilt or take any responsibility for her actions because of my father. I will not.
“Yes, I was high—the first and last time I ever did drugs—but I can’t deny I wanted to be you. I wanted to feel what it might be like to be you. To have someone love me more than anything else.”
“You wanted to be me?” At first, I’m asking to make sure I have it right, but the longer she takes to answer, it becomes a statement. “You wanted to be me. Is that what this is all about?”
Her dark hair hangs like a shroud around her, hiding her from my scrutiny, and she slumps into a chair. Normally, this is where I would back off. I’d want to be the peacemaker but not this time. We’re having this out, once and for all.
“Answer me.” I step forward, crouching to get in her face. “I deserve to know the truth. This is bullshit. Your stench is everywhere. Let’s be real. Honest.”
Then it happens. Her demeanor shifts and she straightens her spine, dark eyes narrowing as she stands. I do the same, stepping back and folding my arms.
“Honest? You want me to tell you like it is?” Now advancing on me, her eyes as cold as steel.
I don’t flinch or back away. We are finally getting somewhere. Her lips press together into a thin, white line and she stares.
“Try living in your shadow all my goddamn life. Everyone loves Eva. Everyone thinks you’re perfect. Our parents, teachers, shit, even Tito. You should have heard the crap he’d spout about how sweet and pretty you were. How you were gonna break hearts.”
She’s snide, sneering and prancing around mockingly. “Then when you and Jared got together, he’d go on and on about how lucky Jared was.”
I watch, my anger feeding into my pain, and I ask, doubtfully, “This is about Tito?”
“No,” she snaps. “This is about life always working out for you. Even after the accident, you had Abuelo, Papi and, shit, even Miguel, fawning all over you. Everyone was consumed with Eva.”
She isn’t even trying to mask her hatred for me, and sadly, I’m not really surprised. I’d sensed the edge between us all our lives. I just didn’t realize how deep it ran.
“Is that why you looked for Jared when Trojan hit the scene? You wanted to be part of his life?”
She stops storming around the room to look at me. “No…yes, partly. This was my chance to see what it was like to be adored. I busted my ass to make Trojan one of the hottest bands in the world.”
I bite back the desire to challenge her. Somehow she’s forgotten that Trojan was successful because of the amazing talent. The band members. She’s acting as if she singlehandedly made them world-famous. Delusional.
“I just fucking wanted to know what it was like to be you. But nooo…Jared was all too happy to let me know I wasn’t you. And no matter how hard I worked, he didn’t see me for me.” She wipes at a tear, clenching her jaw.
“He loves you. No, that doesn’t even begin to cover it. He barely spoke to me or looked at me for months after that night…shit, more like the better part of a year. He wasn’t cruel and didn’t blame me, but I think he blamed himself. He couldn’t stand to look at himself in the mirror.”
She sounds almost remorseful, but I can’t forget that she knew exactly what she was doing.
“No. You don’t get to tell me what Jared feels and what his motives were. You don’t get to act like you know him better.” I’m shouting, hands waving even as I sound petty and justified all at the same time.