“Molly, it’s like this. What if I told you I’m bisexual? What would you say?”
“I’d say, I hope Dad knows.”
“And?”
I shrug. “That’s it.”
She picks her coffee up and takes a sip. “Would you be happy, or upset or disappointed with me?”
“No. It’s not my business. I’d still love you; you’re my Mom.”
She looks at me pointedly. “Exactly. This is no different. I love you, regardless of who I’m talking with.”
“But there are four of us.”
“Four times the love.” Mom smiles.
“You make it sound easy.”
Mom coughs, and waves her finger at me. “Hell no. This is anything but easy. But I still love you, and always will.”
Mom makes me smile. “What did I miss?” Dad asks as he comes into the kitchen. Zorro is right behind him, wagging his tail, and looking for Dad’s attention.
“Nothing, yet. Amelia hasn’t arrived,” I say.
“Good. Just give me a few moments to go get changed.” Dad turns to leave and Zorro follows.
“I’ve been doing some research on DID, and it really blows my mind,” Mom says. “It’s complex, with so many layers. For most people who have alters and DID, it usually develops from early childhood trauma.”
“Yeah?”
“I’m not a psychologist, or psychotherapist, like Amelia is. It’s what I’ve read on the Internet. I’ve watched a few YouTube videos too. It’s fascinating.”
Dad returns, this time with Amelia. “Hello,” Amelia says as she enters. Zhen stands, makes his way over to her, and sniffs her. “Aren’t you a beautiful dog.” She squats down, in her expensive, well-cut pant suit, and pets Zhen. Zhen wags his tail, then gives her a quick lick on the cheek before returning to me.
“Zhen likes you,” I say.
“Zhen. I love the name.”
“Please, sit. Would you like a coffee?” Mom offers.
Amelia stands, and makes her way over to me. She sits opposite me, and takes her little recorder out of her bag. “I’d love a coffee. Black.” She holds up the recorder. “Do you mind?” she asks.
“It’s fine,” I reply.
She brushes Zhen’s hair off her pants, but really, she doesn’t appear to be fazed by the fact she has dog hair on her. Mom brings over a coffee, and places in front of her. “Thank you.” She gives Mom a genuine smile. “Molly?” She looks to me for confirmation. I nod. “How are you today?”
I want to talk to her please. AJ’s voice is the loudest.
I have things I need to say. Neve’s soft tone, and calmness makes me pay more attention than AJ’s.
“Molly?” Amelia brings my attention back to her.
“They’re loud. AJ and Neve both know you’re here, and want to talk to you.”
“Would you mind if I spoke with them?” Amelia asks.
“I don’t know how to answer that.”
Let me go first, AJ. You’ve already spoken with her. She needs to know why we’re here.
It goes quiet for a few seconds. Then AJ replies. Okay, you’re right. Do you want the bunny?
“Molly?” I indicate for Amelia to wait a moment.
I don’t need the bunny.
Okay. But I’d like to talk to her too.
“You can both talk to her. But just Neve for now. Okay?” I ask.
Yeah.
Yep.
I look at Amelia. “Neve wants to talk.”
“I’ll be here when she’s ready.” She picks her coffee up, and takes a small sip.
Molly, can you close your eyes please?
My eyelids become unusually heavy. They feel dry and scratchy. I rub at them several times. The more I do it, the more I fall into a blackness.
Opening my eyes, I examine the room. Cautiously, I shrink away from Molly’s parents, and Amelia. Amelia especially. I don’t trust her, but I know I need to talk to her.
“Hello, Neve,” she says with a gentle smile.
I cast my eyes down, not wanting to look at her. “Do you have colored pencils and some paper?” I ask.
“I don’t. But I can make sure I have some for you next time we speak. Would that be okay?”
I nod my head, and hug my arms around my body.
“I have some paper, and some plain pencils. Would you like them…Neve?” M’s Mom asks.
“Yes, please.”
I hear the scraping of the chair, then footsteps as she leaves. I try to sneak a little look at M’s Dad. He catches me peeking at him, and offers me a smile. “Hello,” he says in a gentle voice. He reaches out to touch me and I cower away from him. He quickly retracts his hand.
“Hello,” I say in a small voice.
“My name’s Thomas, and I’m really happy to meet you.”
I nod my head. I don’t want to talk to him. He seems nice, but I don’t trust him yet. I know he’s never hurt M, but I’m still careful.
“Neve, would you like to talk to me?” Amelia asks.
I cast a side glance at Thomas, a little bit afraid of him. It’s like he’s reading my thoughts. “Would you like me to leave?” he asks. I slowly nod. “Okay. I’ll go.” He stands and walks out of the room.
M’s Mom returns caring a stack of blank paper, and some pencils. A big smile comes to me. “Yay!” I say as I clap my hands together.
“I could only find some pencils. I’m sorry I don’t have more. But I’ll get you some for next time.” She sits next to Amelia.
“I like to read too.” I pick one of the pencils up, and start to draw on the paper.
“What do you like to read? I’ll get you some books.”
“I want to read the Harry Potter books. And the Percy Jackson ones. I like things that are about magic.”
“I love Harry Potter, so I’ll make sure I get them for you,” M’s Mom says.
“Thank you, Mrs. Dawson.”
“You can call me Paris.” I meet her eyes for a second, and smile.
“Neve, can you tell me about yourself?” Amelia asks.
“My name’s Neve. And I help M when she needs me.”
“How old are you?”
“I’m eleven.”
“You said you help Molly when she needs you. How do you help her?”
“I take her pain away and make her go to sleep.” I keep drawing, not looking at Paris or Amelia. “Why are you here?” I ask.
“Me?” Paris asks.
“Not you. But her.” I point to Amelia.
“I’m here to help Molly. I work with people who are like you and her.”
“How can you help us?”
“I’d like to help all of you get along. You all have to live together, just like a very close family. And sometimes, in a very close family, there could be fighting, and nasty things said. I’m here to talk to you all, so we can find a way for all of you to be happy together. But before I can do that, I have to understand everything about you.”
“I have to take the pain,” I admit openly.
“How do you do that?”
“When he used to come into the room, I’d make sure M was asleep. I’d send her to a place where she couldn’t feel what he was doing. I took all that for her. I never want M to feel what I felt.”