“Are you okay?” Dylan whispers on the way to the funeral. Mom and Dad are in the car in front of us. I peek at the chauffeur, and notice he’s not paying any attention to us at all.
“It’s hard. AJ, Neve, and Kate all want to help. But I have to do this.” Dylan nods his head like he understands. “I know we have to talk about it, and I want to. But not today.”
“It’s okay. I’ve been doing my own research, and I want to be here. For all of you.”
I tighten my fingers around his. “Thank you.”
The car slows, and I look out the window. We’re approaching the chapel where the service will take place. My parents’ car stops first. The driver gets out and opens the door for them. Mom slides out first, then Dad.
The car slowly pulls away, and then it’s our turn.
Outside the chapel there are so many people. Everyone dressed in dark, somber colors. All the faces blend into one. I can barely open my eyes let alone see who’s here for Tina.
A huge lump sits in my throat.
“Miss Molly?” the chauffeur asks.
I haven’t even noticed that he has the door open for me. I slide out of the car, voiceless…internally dying from the sadness. I should say thank you to the driver. My brain can’t contain any emotion other than heart-shattering grief.
Let me help you. AJ whispers.
“I have to do this,” I whisper in reply. For everyone who doesn’t know about my condition, I simply look like I’m encouraging myself to move forward.
But right now, I don’t care what anyone thinks.
My parents are right here, waiting for me. My father is crumbling. Tears are falling down his face and his chin is trembling. He’s struggling with having to bury his daughter. My mother is an emotional wreck. Smashed, with her own inner demons eating her alive.
I wedge myself between my parents, and hug them with everything I have. I can feel them both trembling with the sobs. I struggle to keep from crying.
It feels like time is moving at sonic speed.
“Mr. and Mrs. Dawson. Molly,” Dylan’s strong voice cracks.
We turn to look at him, and see the hearse approaching.
Quivers tear through my body as I reach to take Dylan’s hand in mine. Mom and Dad gravitate toward each other, holding one another tight.
Dylan wraps his arm around my shoulder, and pulls me into his body.
I can’t take my eyes off the hearse. It slows, and finally stops a mere few feet from us. People begin to enter the chapel, leaving only our family standing outside.
“How can she be in there?” I ask.
“I’m sorry,” Dylan whispers.
The driver is a woman, dressed in white. The passenger is also a woman dressed in white. Both are simply elegant, regal. They look so loving and serene.
They walk around to the back of the hearse, and open the door. They slide something out, and I nearly vomit. It’s my sister’s coffin. “Wow,” I whisper. It’s not a traditional coffin, it’s a woven wicker casket, light in color, with a beautiful spray of bold flowers. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you with this,” I say to my parents.
Both of them shake their heads, unable to speak.
My tears dry, as I stare at the graceful basket holding my sister.
My Dad, Dylan, Gabriella, Willow, and the two women from the funeral home all take a handle. They carry Tina’s coffin into the chapel, and place it on the bier in the front of the sanctuary.
I follow with Mom, and we sit in the front row.
Dad walks over and sits between Mom and me, Dylan on my other side. Gabriella and Willow sit next to Dylan.
One of the women in white stands at the podium and greets us all. She asks for me to come forward and give my eulogy.
Standing, I make my way to the front.
Taking the paper out of my pocket, my hands tremble as I lay it flat on the podium.
We’re here for you. AJ whispers to me.
“Hello,” I start with a shaky voice. I’m not sure how long I will be able to talk for before I crack and burst into tears.
Dylan stands, buttons up his suit jacket, and comes to stand beside me. He places his arm around me, leans in and gives me a kiss on the forehead. “You’ve got this,” he whispers encouragingly.
Yeah, I do.
For Tina.
“Tina and I were adopted by our parents at a young age. Tina’s life didn’t start off all happy and rosy. She was surrendered because her mother couldn’t care for her and her father was nowhere to be found. Tina was six when our parents adopted her. I first met her when we were seven, one year later.
“Tina and I were both fortunate to grow up in a loving, stable home. We have two incredibly generous and loving parents who have given us everything we could’ve wanted, and more.”
I look to Mom and Dad, and smile. They have to know they’re the best parents in the world.
“Tina and I became close from a very early age. The first night I came to live with them, she snuck into my room, crawled under my bed covers, and hugged me. She told me she’d never had a sister before, and now that she had one, she was never going to let me go.”
I hold in my tears, and let out a deep sigh. I look away, trying to focus on anything but the words on the page. I catch myself, obliviously playing with the pendant she gave me on our birthday.
“Tina and I grew up with love in our hearts, and stability in our home. Tina was the very essence of beauty, grace, happiness, and love. She always had a smile on her face, and was ready to take on the world.”
I swallow back the lump. Dylan hugs me tighter for a few seconds, before slightly releasing his grip.
“We have all surrendered to the loss of our beautiful Tina since that dreadful moment when the monster took her from us. He ripped away a woman whose potential was only beginning to bloom. We will never know what greatness she might have achieved.”
I look down to the paper, gathering the remainder of my strength.
“I’ll never see Tina again. I won’t be able to share all my joys with her, or my failures, or my life. I won’t be able to share in hers. I won’t hold her hand and eat a tray of brownies when her heart is broken. I won’t be able to scream in joy when she tells me she’s met the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with. I won’t be able to stand beside as her greatest supporter when she says ‘I do.’ I’ll never hold my niece or nephew. I’ll never talk with her again.”
I swallow back the lump sitting in my throat.
“All because she was viciously ripped away from us. From me, my parents, her friends, and the world.”
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, barely holding on. “I thank you, Tina. You gave me the best memories I could ever ask for. And for that reason, I pledge to you that I will honor and love you until my very last breath.
“I give thanks to being able to find Tina and my family when in my life I had nothing. Tina…” I turn to face her casket and my voice breaks. “You will never be forgotten.” I bow my head, collect every emotion, every thought, every memory and return to my seat.
I can’t hold on to my emotions any more.
I let them go.
And with the devastating torrent running through my body, I collapse into Dylan’s arms.
We’re so proud of you.
We all are.