A Band-Aid.
And when it finally came off, would there be enough left of him to love me?
Levi
Watching Phoebe cry shifted something inside me. My feelings about her were intense. I knew that. We all knew it. But it was how I experienced emotion, in powerful unrelenting waves. I was either low, my mood dark and desperate; or I was as high as a kite, thanks to the alcohol and drugs usually pumping through my system. I cared as deeply as I hated, the lines between the two often getting blurred.
But right now, watching my girl break apart at the seams, I wanted to take away her pain. For the first time in my life, I wanted to be someone’s white knight.
The thought was so overpowering, fear snaked through my chest, taking hold of my lungs and squeezing the air right out of them. I couldn’t breathe. So much self-doubt coursing through my veins, I was paralyzed.
What if I said the wrong thing?
What if I couldn’t be who she needed me to be?
What if by loving her, I, in turn, ruined her?
A battle raged on inside my mind as I held her in my arms, wanting to absorb every ounce of her pain and take it as my own.
Phoebe hadn’t talked much about her family, her life. I knew about her ex. I knew her mom had died and her father was some movie exec off doing his thing. But it occurred to me in this moment, that I didn’t really know Phoebe. I didn’t realize how lonely she was or how afraid.
She’d turned up on tour, so fucking strong, unwilling to take any of our bullshit. My girl was a fighter. A survivor. But she was also human. She had fears and doubts and demons just like the rest of us.
And I didn’t know because I was always so fucking self-absorbed. I’d been so desperate to lose myself in her, it had never occurred to me that she might also be losing herself in me.
Fuck.
I took a shuddering breath, trying to rein in the confusing tsunami of emotions racing through me.
“Levi?” Phoebe peeked up at me, her hands pressed firmly against my chest.
“I’m okay.” I swallowed. I had to do this... I had to be the guy she deserved. Even if it was only in this moment.
“Come on,” I said. “Let’s go to bed.”
“Bed?” She frowned. “But the celebrations—”
“Can wait.” I gently tugged her into the bedroom and began peeling the clothes from her body.
My dick stirred to life, hunger gnawing deep in my stomach. I wanted her. I always wanted her. But this wasn’t about sex. It was about her. About us. It was about me trying to show Phoebe that although I had a long fucking way to go, I could be the guy she needed.
When she was standing before me in nothing but her sexy as fuck zebra print bra and matching panties, I made quick work of stripping out of my own clothes. Then I scooped her up against my chest and carried her to the bed.
Pulling back the covers, I lay Phoebe down. Her eyes ran over my shoulders, my chest, the ink covering every inch of my skin. “You’re so beautiful,” she sighed.
I don’t think I’d ever been called beautiful before in my life, but I loved how it sounded rolling off her tongue. As if I was the most precious thing she’d ever seen.
Phoebe moved over, making room for me, and I slipped in beside her. “This is nice.” She sighed, and it was so deep, so fucking uncertain, that my gut twisted.
I hooked my arm around her waist and dragged her closer, until we were nose to nose, chest to chest, skin on heated skin.
“Levi,” she breathed, her eyes fluttering closed.
“I don’t want anything from you.” Lies. I want everything from you, Bee. Every-fucking-thing. “I just want to be close, to feel your heart beating against mine.”
“For a tortured rock star, you sure know exactly the right thing to say sometimes.” She let the tip of her nose trail along my cheek. I inhaled deeply, breathing her in. Our lips moved together, seeking, searching. I didn’t want this moment to become about sex or earthly desires, I wanted it to be about her. About me showing her, I could do this.
I could just be with her.
But we fell into the kiss fast and all at once. Phoebe whimpered the second my tongue slipped past her lips and found her own. But I kept it slow. Slow lazy licks. My hand trailed over her hip and slipped into the elastic of her panties, but I didn’t go any further. I just wanted to hold her, to savor this rare moment of quiet with my girl.
My girl.
I wouldn’t ever get used to saying that. To thinking or feeling it.
Could she really love me? Accept me, flaws and all?
“What are you thinking?” I asked her as she pulled away, inhaling a deep breath.
“About my mom. I don’t let myself think about her a lot, but she’d have liked you.”
My brow lifted at that, and Phoebe laughed softly. “She had a big heart with a soft spot for broken things. I guess that’s where I got it from.”
“She sounds nice.”
“She was the best.” A sad smile tugged at her lips. “I was a mess after she died. She wasn’t just my mom, she was my best friend. I didn’t have anyone... I mean, I had my dad, and later Zephyr, but it wasn’t the same. So you’re not the only one scared here, Levi. I know you think I have the power to ruin you, but you’re not the only one with something to lose.”
Fuck.
Her words were like shards of glass across my heart. She was giving me her heart, trusting me—of all fucking people—to keep it safe. I wanted to be that guy, I did. The need to protect her and love and cherish her burned through me like wildfire.
But I was so fucking scared of messing up.
I swallowed, my mouth dry.
“Levi?”
“I don’t deserve you, honeybee.” I don’t deserve any of this.
“Let’s not play this game. I’m here, aren’t I?” She kissed me softly, letting her tongue slide over my lip piercings.
“Bee,” I warned, smothering a groan as she wiggled her tight little body against mine. “We’re supposed to be talking.”
“What if I don’t want to talk?” Lust glittered in her eyes. “What if I just want to feel?”
Without warning, I rolled her beneath me and settled between her thighs. The thin layers of our underwear weren’t nearly enough to stop my dick searching for her wet heat.
“Levi,” she gasped, staring up at me with stars in her eyes.
“How do you want me, Bee?” I licked a path up her neck to her ear, biting the soft flesh of her lobe. “Soft and slow or hard and fast?”
Molten lava flowed through my veins, my need for her so overpowering my skin vibrated. But I didn’t want to rush this. I wanted to savor her, to take my time, and give her what she needed.
“You,” she whispered, hitching her leg around my hip and grinding on me. “I just want you.”
“Look at me, Bee.” I eased away to meet her hooded gaze. “I want to hear you say the words.”
She smiled at me shyly. “Make love to me, Levi.”
Shit.
I’d wanted the words, but now they were out, lingering between us, I didn’t know what to do.
I fucked. I used sex as a way to forget, to escape. I had a wicked tongue and a dirty mind... but making love?
What did I know about such things?