As these thoughts ran through my head, I succeeded in staying focused. It was a great technique and it helped me to compartmentalize everything and keep the stress of the weekend at bay. I willed myself not to think of my crazy family and especially not to even give a second thought to Matt. One was easier than the other, though… I had to admit that Matt kept creeping back into my thoughts every few minutes.
What was it about that man? That infuriatingly broody, rude, sexy, generous man?
Eventually, I wavered in my conviction and my mind wandered back to the previous evening. Had I just been an emotional train wreck? Had I used my sexuality to make myself feel wanted and cared for when really, I was weak and desperate? Why had I allowed a man that I barely knew to learn way too much about the darker side of my desires? What the fuck had come over me? I was a notoriously private person to anyone who knew me and here I’d stripped myself bare both figuratively and literally for a man I barely knew.
But you do know him! Argued the little voice in my head. You do. Sure, maybe, but that was years ago, I argued with myself.
“FUCK!” I screamed out loud, slamming my hand down on to the steering wheel and making my little Betsy veer off into the adjoining lane. “Stay fucking focused, Carly!” I yelled out loud at myself.
And then, because the universe often seemed intent on messing with me, my phone rang. I saw his name come across the screen and shook my head. No way.
“Really?” I looked up at the sky through the windshield.
There wasn’t any point in answering his call. There was nothing between us. It had just been old friends helping each other out, nothing more and nothing less. I needed to let it go. Nothing good could come from talking to him now.
I let it ring and ring and... for fuck’s sake, the man didn’t let up!
Finally, he wore me down and I answered.
“Hey. I’m driving.” I knew it was cold and bitchy but I didn’t care.
“Where are you?” His voice was gruff and sounded raw.
“Driving home, what’s going on with you?” I softened. He sounded awful. “You ran out quick last night, everything okay now?” I asked, still guarded but slightly more open.
“No, actually…that’s partly why I’m calling…”
Silence.
The silence made it awkward which set off alarm bells in my head. “Matt? Listen, I have a long drive and I don’t want to waste my battery, so I really have to…”
He cut me off. “Carly, my mom died last night.”
My heart lurched inside my ribcage. “I … I … give me a second. I’m just going to pull over so I can talk to you.”
Thank you. I heard him whisper under his breath. His voice was soft, barely audible, yet it sent funny little tingles running through my brain.
“You parked now?” He asked, his voice a little stronger this time.
“Yes. What happened? Matt, I don’t understa…”
But again, he cut me off. “Have your hazards on?” He choked out, this time his words filled with raw emotion.
“Yes, fuck, Matt, what happened? We just…” I felt a lump in my own throat. This was so weird. I barely knew the guy and his feelings felt like they were barreling through the phone and slamming right into my heart.
“I didn’t tell you, but Dave had mentioned last night that Mom was sick and that’s why she was so eager to see me married.” He sucked in air loudly as if it would strengthen him to continue the story. And then, he proceeded to tell me the conversation they had and the subsequent events after the call.
“I’m so sorry I ran out on you, Carly. Considering the situation we were in the middle of, I never should have run without an explanation. It was wrong of me. Please know that is not typically how I…”
“Oh, shut the fuck up, Matt. Don’t apologize, it doesn’t matter at all.” I was crying and I didn’t know why.
“Carly…baby, please don’t cry…” This was crazy. He was comforting me when he was the one in pain.
Wiping the back of my hand across my face, I blurted out the first thing I could think of. “What can I do? What do you need? Listen, if you need help, I can…”
“Actually…would you mind coming to the city? I could put you up for a few days. It would help as Dave’s around and I just don’t think this is the time to tell him that… I lied.”
I sucked in the air around me.
“Just till the funeral, Carly. It would mean the world to me. I know I don’t deserve your pity, but…”
“It’s not pity, Matt. I’ll do it. Text me where to meet you and I’ll come. You need support and that’s what friends are for. You helped me, and I’m happy to do the same for you.”
“Thank you. And about last night, were you okay after?”
“And please don’t even worry about last night. It was what it was and we don’t need to go there again. Friends?”
“Yeah, friends.” He finally answered.
Chapter 22
MATT
As soon as she said she was coming, I began to doubt myself for even asking. Carly and I had spent very little time together. Did we even really know each other? I could have made up something for Dave. I knew I could have. But something had stopped me. I wanted her here. I needed her comfort, her sassy little mouth, and her, the way she … Come on, Matt! I chastised myself silently. Stacking up sin upon sin was becoming my M.O. lately. I shook my head in an attempt to loosen the thoughts clouding my judgement. Somewhere, it must be written that lusting after a girl after your mother just passed was beyond wrong.
The thing was… I knew I needed her to keep me grounded. And the way I had left her last night was just awful. I couldn’t believe she was even speaking to me. Carly Roberts was one special girl. I was going to have to work very hard to make it up to her.
I really didn’t have anyone else in my life to do that. A workaholic since college, I had lost everyone that I had hung out with back then. Chad included. We used to be best friends. Buddies. For a year. Just like all the others. I hadn’t been able to keep a friendship, let alone a relationship, ever. Now, here I was with a fake fiancée coming to help me through my mother’s funeral.
The tears sprang back up again. Dammit. It was getting harder to control. I couldn’t think about her too long. I had to push it back down.
“Mr. Kirkus? Mr. Harris?” A voice called out to Dave and I. A nurse was standing at the doorway, nervously tapping her finger against her clipboard. Pity disguised as sympathy was written all over her face. “I’m sorry to disturb you both, but there’s some paperwork that I need to go over with you, Mr. Kirkus. As Sue’s husband, there are some things we need to discuss and have you sign before the funeral home comes to pick her up.”