I turned my head over my shoulder and smiled at Matt, who was still holding me tight. “I’m glad I could be here for you and for him.”
We had somehow reached a new level of comfortable that day. From the car ride to dinner, everything was just simpler. No longer was I conflicted, trying to read him. No longer did he switch back and forth from hot to cold. Suddenly, it felt safe having his arms around me, like we had evolved somehow. It was crazy how much had changed in just a few days. And even though the timing couldn’t have been worse, somehow it all still felt right.
Yet despite all these new realizations, those all-important questions about accommodations lingered in the back of my mind. “Hey, um, is there a plan for sleeping arrangements tonight?” I asked casually, waiting for Matt to release his arms.
He didn’t move. Instead, he squeezed a little harder and brushed his lips slowly across the back of my neck. “What do you think?” He whispered, putting the ball right back in my court again.
“I guess, um… whatever works.” I murmured, reluctantly wrestling with the need to please and my own concerns. “I don’t have any expectations. I totally understand that I’m here as your friend and I’m happy to do whatever is needed.”
“Carly, yes, I asked you to come here as a friend, but I think we both know that things are going in a different direction.” He paused for a moment. I wondered if he could feel me stiffen in his arms. “I know it’s not the right time or even what we are both looking for, but I kind of want to explore this time with you and see where it goes. Don’t you?” He asked as he continued brushing his lips ever so gently up and down the side of my neck.
My breath hitched at his words. He wasn’t playing around. But was he thinking clearly? No. He was grieving. He needed comfort. I shouldn’t take advantage of that.
He spun me around to face him, our faces inches from each other… “So let me ask you again, Carly. Where do you want to sleep tonight?”
“Listen, I don’t want to make things difficult. I’ll keep up the charade for Dave, but I just don’t think you’re in the right mindset to discuss anything else, Matt.” I watched as his eyes hardened a bit. “I’ll stay with you but not like last night…we’re friends. Let’s keep it PG this time?”
Seconds turned to minutes as I waited for his answer. For a moment, I thought he might kick me out or something. Finally, he spoke. “Maybe you’re right. I’m probably not thinking clearly.” I exhaled shakily, feeling the weight of disappointment. But really…what had I expected him to say?
To my surprise, Matt joined me in finishing the washing up. Our awkward conversation melted away with the soap suds. There was something comforting about our hands touching every so often in the warm water. A simple and domestic task, but one that brought peace and quiet to our restless minds. If we can stick to this, we might just be okay.
Standing there, fatigue hit me hard. I felt bone tired. The stress of the past few days was really catching up with me. After watching me yawn for the third time, Matt spoke.
“Let’s head to bed after this. You look exhausted and honestly, I am, too.”
“Agreed. Today was pretty rough.” The words were barely out of my mouth before I realized how callous they sounded. “I’m so sorry, Matt. Obviously, I meant for you, not me.” I rushed to clarify.
Matt chuckled. “You don’t have to explain every little thing, Carly.”
I exhaled a sigh of relief. “Thanks for not holding my awkward comments against me.”
“Never.” He winked as he grabbed my hand.
We headed down the hall together. “Come on, let me show you where our room is.” Matt said. But he must have caught on to the ambivalence that I was trying so hard to hide. He stopped in his tracks, cupping my chin in his hand. “You know that if we did this any differently, Dave would be onto us. The last thing he needs right now is to know that I lied. His family is coming in tomorrow and I don’t want my drama overshadowing my mother. You forget it was just yesterday that we announced our engagement.” He reminded me, keeping his voice to a whisper.
“Of course! And you’re right…still can’t believe that it was only yesterday.” I mumbled, feeling guilty. “Seems like it was a decade ago.”
Matt slipped his hand around my waist as he opened the door to the bedroom. “A decade? No, Carly. A decade ago was when I kissed you for the first time. I could never forget that.”
Time stood still as the silence between us eroded all logical thought. Unable to process his words, I froze in place, watching as he opened the door to the large suite. A room of rustic elegance lay before me. A large white king size bed sat in the center, complete with masses of fuzzy blankets. A little window seat filled with throw pillows and cushions sat right across from a huge fireplace with a wooden mantel. A large mirror framed the top of the mantel and was flanked by paintings of local areas of Maple Cove. Its warm, inviting beauty took my breath away.
“Wait a second… I thought I left these back at your place?” I asked upon seeing all of my bags. I had only brought a small overnight bag and had been pretty sure most of the bags that were now before me had been left inside my car.
“Honestly, I wasn’t really sure how long we would be here and I wanted to make sure you had all of your things.” Matt answered.
“Well, you could have asked me!” I answered hotly. Shit. He didn’t deserve that. As soon as the words escaped my mouth, I regretted them. This guy had just lost his mom and yet he was thinking about my bags. I knew I was on edge, but I needed to make more of an effort. “I’m sorry, Matt. You’re right. I am happy, just surprised I guess.”
He nodded silently before continuing the tour. “Okay, so just look over there to the left and you’ll see the en-suite bathroom. You can go ahead and use it first and then I’ll jump in the shower.”
As we began the business of getting ourselves ready for bed, we didn’t talk too much. The silence was heavy but not totally uncomfortable. I knew Matt had a lot on his mind as he sat and scrolled through his phone.
Once I was ready, I quickly slipped into the bed, pulling the cool sheets up around my face before I dared to speak. “Hey, um…Matt?” I watched as he nodded without even looking up.
“You don’t have to sleep on the couch tonight. There’s more than enough room in this huge bed.” My heart was palpitating as I spoke. Engrossed in his phone, I was half afraid he hadn’t heard me. But finally, he lifted his head.
“Do you always share a bed with your friends, Carly?” For the first time in days, Matt’s voice was back to its icy tone.
“Well, I guess not…” I answered, slightly embarrassed.