And then, as though my mother or God or someone somewhere were listening, I know what the curve I need to make is.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Brenna
“And what about the rumor going around town about you and Jacob?” Sylvia asks.
It’s been a week since the last time she dropped in without calling first, and I thought that maybe we turned a corner. Clearly, that wasn’t the case. Even if the visits are getting less frequent, the intrusiveness hasn’t ebbed.
“There’s nothing to it.”
“Magnolia said you had lunch together again.”
“Sylvia, we have lunch together once a week to discuss the play.” Where we end up holding hands under the table or he’s doing other things—naughty things.
She goes back to drying the dishes in the rack. “I’m just saying that Luke would’ve been very disappointed if you were to find someone like him for his replacement.”
Anger simmers in my blood because she has no right to dictate anything in my life, let alone try to make me feel shame for who I choose to date in the future.
Two months ago, I would’ve let this slide, but not now. Not only because she has no right but also because, if there is anyone that I want in my life, it’s Jacob. I won’t allow her to disparage him.
“First of all, no one will ever replace Luke. That’s not how it works. Luke will always be Melanie and Sebastian’s father. He will always be a man I loved and raised a family with. Whatever man I choose to love going forward will not be a placeholder for the husband I lost. Secondly, Jacob is a good man. He’s been wonderful to the kids and me. How many Hollywood stars would volunteer to direct a play for a bunch of kids? None, so I’m not sure what you think Luke would’ve been disappointed over.”
Her hand flies to her throat, and she huffs. “It’s too soon!”
“That’s not for you to say.”
“It’s barely a year, Brenna! How can you be over the loss of him?”
The angry woman inside me wants to lash out so badly, to cut her down and tell her it isn’t her place to tell me how to live, but that’s not who I am. She’s angry at me because she’s in pain still. I know this, and while it would be easy to go back at her, to argue and fight, it wouldn’t be right. Still, her not being ready to let him go isn’t my cross to carry.
I sit on the bed and wait a few seconds. When I speak, it’s soft and understanding. “I’ll never be over losing Luke.”
She tosses down the shirt, anger still radiating from her. “Yet, you’re carrying on, doing God knows what with that man, in the town where my son is from.”
“Do you want me to be alone for the rest of my life?”
That question seems to shock her. “Of course not! But why so soon?”
“It wouldn’t matter if it was six months from now,” I tell her. “It wouldn’t matter when or who or what town we lived in, it would feel this way.”
“I don’t need therapy.”
I smile. “Maybe not, but we’re still grieving regardless if we’re talking about it. We’re growing, healing, and learning each day. Loss and grief are terrible, and the stages are what they are regardless of if you’re in therapy or not. I loved Luke. I will always love Luke. He was a wonderful husband and father. He’s gone, though, and I’m not. I want to love again. I want to have someone to share my life with.”
She takes my hand in hers. “I don’t want you to be alone, Brenna. I’m just . . .”
“You’re not ready for me to be ready yet.”
The long breath she releases sounds a bit like a balloon deflating. She’s no longer angry or filled with rage. Now it’s sadness that’s speaking. “No, I’m not.”
“Jacob and I aren’t . . . well, we’re just friends.”
“You don’t have to lie to me, sweetheart. I see what’s going on just as clearly as the rest of the town does.”
“I promise that there is nothing more than what it is here.”
Her soft, wrinkly hand palms my cheek. “That may be what you’re telling yourselves, but, as you pointed out, what man directs a play for kids?”
“It was for Sebastian.”
Sylvia rolls her eyes with a chuckle. “You’re a fool, my sweet girl.”
“I’ve been called that before.”
She sits beside me, hand resting on my arm. “I may be an old lady and you may be a fancy head doctor, but let me give you a little piece of advice. Men don’t do all that for a little kid. Sure, maybe in the beginning it was that, but I see the truth. He took you to the carnival, that barbeque at their house, and then I heard all about your movie night in the rain. You may be friends, but your heart wants more.”
“Where have you heard all that?”
Her hand waves as she laughs. “It wasn’t from my grandkids, if that’s what you’re wondering. Those two have been tight-lipped and are the best secret keepers I’ve ever met.”
I realize that we’ve been really bad with keeping this under wraps. If Sylvia heard all this from anyone other than the kids, everyone must know.
And from what Sylvia is saying, she sees the truth of my feelings too.
“Great. So, everyone knows the town psychologist is an idiot.”
“Why are you an idiot?” I look up, knowing the truth is written all over my face. “Ahh, I see. I was right about your heart.”
“And I was right about being an idiot.”
“Most women are when it comes to men.”
That’s the damn truth. “I’m sorry that you’ve had to hear all this from other people.”
She taps my thigh and then stands. “I knew that one day you’d find someone else, I just hoped I’d be dead by then.”
“Sylvia!” I say with a laugh.
“I’m kidding. If Jacob is who makes you happy and he’s good to my grandbabies, then don’t let a little old lady’s issues stand in your way.” Her eyes go to the photo of Luke that sits on my dresser.
We only have one life, and I know more than anyone how short it really is.
Jacob and Sebastian are walking toward the house, and I stop, staring at the sight of them. Sebastian looks so happy, and I swear what could be my life flashes before me.
It would be so easy to have a life with Jacob. To love, argue, be happy and also struggle. It wouldn’t be rainbows all the time, but the trials and tribulations would make us stronger. It’s the tough times that prove the strength we have to overcome. At this point, I should be Hercules.
Lord knows it’s going to take a herculean effort not to chase after this man.
My talk with Sylvia still lingers in my head, and I wonder if he could ever let himself build a life with me. If he could see how wonderful he is or how much love he has to give because Jacob is one of the best men I’ve ever known. I could tell him all this, beg him to stay and love me, to try to give us a chance, but I know more than anyone that the desire to change has to come from within. He has to want for things to be different. My telling him isn’t going to do anything but drive a wedge between us.