They’d managed to check in on us a handful of times.
I would never forgive them for that.
Ever.
“Of course, I imagine it’s still all very raw.”
Un-fucking-believable.
I wanted to scream. I wanted to grab the trophy he kept on his desk, throw it at the wall and watch it break apart, the way I’d been broken apart.
But I didn’t. Because the little girl inside me desperate for her father’s attention refused to give up. Not to mention the promise I’d made to a dying woman to... try.
Despite all his flaws—and there were many—Andrew James was still my father, and I was still his daughter.
God, sometimes I wished I didn’t care so much. Sometimes, I wished that I could just step outside the lines of what was expected of me and just throw caution to the wind and go with my gut feeling.
But I’d tried that once... and it had ended with Zachary Messiah breaking my heart a second time.
No, I had to stay true to who I was. I liked rules and boundaries and I prided myself on adhering to them.
“Are we eating?” I took a calming breath, changing the subject.
“There are chicken and vegetables in the refrigerator. I’m not a great cook though so maybe you could…”
I stood up and clenched my fists at my sides, reveling in the sting of my nails in my palm. “I’ll get right on that.”
At least I could take my frustrations out with a knife on some unsuspecting carrots.
“Actually,” Callum poked his head around the door. “I’m not staying.”
“Son, we talked about this. I want us to sit down and eat as a family. You’re hardly here anymore, and Calli is... well, she’s going to cook us something delicious.”
“It’s a team thing,” he said.
“A team thing.” Our father sat straighter, his expression morphing into one of interest. A far cry from the strained smile he’d worn with me only seconds earlier.
But I was used to this. In fact, it almost felt like old times.
“It’s only a casual thing, to welcome the new guys to the team.”
“Ah, initiation.”
“Dad, you know we don’t do that shit.” Callum let out an audible groan.
“I’m not the school administration, Cal. I’m not going to admonish you for some good old team fun.”
“Okay, whatever. So, I can go?”
It amused me that at twenty-one years old, Callum still felt the need to ask our father for permission. My father hadn’t told him no in his entire life.
“Of course, go. Have fun. Say hi to the guys for me. Tell them I’m expecting big things this season.”
“Sure thing, Dad,” he grumbled, barely meeting my eyes.
Callum disappeared, the slam of the front door like a gunshot to my heart.
He just left.
Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse between us, he went and proved me wrong.
Indignation burned through me. It started off like a small ember, quickly catching and sweeping into a firestorm. And before I knew what I was saying, the words rushed out, “Actually, Dad, I need to go too. Can we take a raincheck on the dinner?”
“Calliope, what on earth are you talking about. We can still—”
“I just remembered, I have a thing.”
“A thing? What thing?” His eyes narrowed.
“A society thing. We’ll rearrange. I’ll call.”
I wouldn’t, but whatever.
All I knew was, I wasn’t about to stand here and prepare vegetables for a father who could care less about me and a brother who would rather be with his precious team than spend time with his family.
With me.
I all but ran from the house, spilling out into the bright Californian sun, the way the tears flowed freely down my cheeks.
Callum’s car was already gone.
Asshole.
Kicking off my sneakers, I made my way down the beach, letting my toes sink into the warm sand. I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Madison’s number.
“Hey, girl! How’s SU treating you?”
“It’s... okay.” I sniffled, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand.
“Oh no.” She sighed. “What happened?”
“My brother and dad, they’re just the same...” Anguish twisted my insides. “I don’t know why I thought... God, I’m such a fool.”
“Calli, you are not a fool. They’re your family.”
“Unlucky for me,” I grumbled.
“Want to talk about it?”
Dropping to the sand, I wrapped an arm around my knee and rested my chin there. “Zach’s here.”
“Excuse me?” she shrieked over the line and I moved the cell away from my ear. “Zach as in Zachary Messiah?”
“The one and only.” My chest squeezed at his name. It always did.
It probably always would.
I figured first love was supposed to leave that kind of mark. An everlasting stain on your soul. But I’d underestimated just how much it would affect me still every time I heard his name.
“What... But how... I don’t understand.”
“Something happened to Declan,” I whispered.
“What, like an accident?”
“Yeah, he’s in a coma. How did we not know this?” Steinbeck was only three towns over from Bay View. Zach and Declan still had family there.
But as soon as high school was over, I’d been checked out from life and Madison had been off cruising the tropics with her parents. And Zach and his family hadn’t lived in Bay View for almost two years by then.
“I can’t believe Callum never said anything,” she said.
“Tell me about it.”
When I’d cornered him on campus and confronted him about everything, he’d acted like I was the one with the problem. I didn’t know what I hated more: that he kept it from me because he thought I didn’t need to know or that he was right.
I didn’t need to know.
I wasn’t friends with Zach anymore. As far as Callum was concerned, we were no one to each other. Old childhood friends who grew apart and went our separate ways.
Except, we didn’t grow apart.
“So what are you going to do?”
“Honestly?” I curled my feet into the sand, reveling in how the tiny grains felt against my skin. “I don’t know. I was prepared to handle Callum being here... but Zach?”
“Have you spoken to him?”
“We’ve shared a few words.” It came out clipped.
“Ouch, that bad?”
“It wasn’t good.” I let out a heavy sigh, remembering how angry he’d been at Muds. “I just wish I knew...” I swallowed the words.
“Maybe this is your chance.”
“Huh?”
“Yeah, maybe this is the universe’s way of finally giving you some closure.”
“Really?” I balked. “Because it sure doesn’t feel like it. It feels like the universe’s way of fucking with me a little more.”
Madison gasped. “Calliope James, you kiss your mother with that mouth? Shit, I didn’t mean... God, I’m an idiot. Sorry.”
Soft laughter fell from my lips. “It’s okay, I’m okay.”