“Keep your fuckin’ hands off me,” I gritted.
Jeremy huffed and ran his hands down his face. “I don’t want to make you angry. I came home for a reason, and I reached out to you to explain. Sit down and talk to me. Please.”
I stared at him for a few seconds before nodding and mumbling, “We can talk standing.”
His expression made it clear that he wasn’t cool with that, but since he didn’t have a choice, Jeremy crossed him arms over his chest and began to speak. He told me that he’s tried to be content with dating other women over the years, but he’s always wanted us to be a family. Even though he took the money and agreed to never seek me, he could no longer keep that promise.
At first, it started with him coming back to Memphis. And then, he hired a private investigator to find and follow me. Even though he knew about my relationship, he ignored that because of the good effect Ishmael had on me. He helped me get out of the escort business and live a normal life. And in Jeremy’s eyes, now was the perfect time for us to be together as a family.
I said I didn’t fear anything but death, but I feared something else too – the world finding out about my secret. Men abandoned their children all the time, but it was different when a woman did it. They automatically expected us to be loving and nurturing. To fall in love with the idea of being a mother as soon as we found out we were pregnant. That had never been the case with me. When I found out I was pregnant I got depressed as hell and stayed that way throughout my entire pregnancy.
Even though I knew I was giving my baby up, I still didn’t feel like myself until they were out of Memphis.
I didn’t have a normal childhood, I wasn’t a normal woman, and I didn’t have the average desires. Honestly, being with Ishmael had me considering marriage and babies, but I wasn’t ready for that yet. Period. I never wanted to have a baby with Jeremy in the past or anyone else for that matter, and he knew that. So the fact that he was trying to force me to live a life I wasn’t meant to live only made me want to rebel more.
But… I knew that that wasn’t fair to my–his daughter, so I made the decision to not be in her life at all. Whatever Jeremy told her about me I would be okay with. And if she decided when she was a grown woman that she wanted to find me, I would be okay with that. I didn’t, however, want that choice to be made by anyone but her. My mother chose the kind of woman I would be, and I couldn’t do that to her.
“We had an agreement, and even if you don’t plan to hold up your end of the deal, I’m holding up mine. I’m not going to randomly pop into her…”
“Willow.” My eyes shut immediately as they watered. “Her name is Willow.”
Clenching my jaw, I inhaled a deep breath to keep from crying, but I didn’t know how long that would work. “Leave me alone, Jeremy. I’m finally happy with something to look forward to. Please don’t ruin this for me.”
Turning, I opened my eyes and headed out because I couldn’t bear looking at him. Not right now. Not while I felt like I was about to fucking break. Hearing his footsteps behind me, I clutched my chest and begged my tears not to fall. He didn’t deserve to know he’d gotten to me. “Rosalyn, wait.” I stopped but didn’t bother turning around. “Break up with your little boyfriend, and come back to your family, or I will tell the world your secret.”
“Daddy?”
At the sound of her voice, my knees almost gave out on me. I literally had to turn to the side and lean against the wall for support. Sliding down it, I allowed my butt to hit the ground as my tears finally began to fall. A part of me didn’t – couldn’t look up at her. But the other part of me wouldn’t forgive me if I didn’t at least see the little vision of beauty that was half of me.
Slowly, I turned my head to see her, and she looked so much like me I whimpered as my heart burned. She had my pecan skin tone, long eyelashes, small nose, chubby cheeks. She even had my hazel eyes.
“Who is she, Daddy? She looks like…”
“Go back to your room, baby. I’ll be up there in a second.”
Turning away from her, I wiped more tears from my cheeks as I began to hyperventilate. This was not what I was expecting at all, nor was I expecting seeing my baby to make me feel like this. Except she wasn’t a baby. She a beautiful brown skinned girl that was a couple of days away from celebrating her fifth birthday.
Fifth.
Five.
I’ve been out of her life for five whole years.
My God.
What have I done?
Feeling faint, I laid down and pulled my thighs into my chest, maintaining a fetal position.
“You got until my baby’s birthday to break up with that nigga and make your way back home, Rosalyn, or I swear to God I’m going to make your life a living hell.”
I closed my eyes, praying that my heart wouldn’t explode because of how fast it was beating. Jeremy walked away, and his distance, it was the only thing that seemed to make my heart feel better.
Chapter 11
Ishmael
For the past couple of months that me and Rosalyn have been trying to get some shit popping on a personal level, it’s felt like the roles have been reversed. When I was her client, she was the one seeing after my wants and needs. Whenever I needed to be encouraged, comforted, or lifted up, she was there. And honestly, I think that’s why I fell in love with her.
Yea, she was beautiful, and the sex is amazing, but above all that, she was the friend and safe space that I’ve never had in my life. No matter what I went through, for three years straight, Rosalyn was there to make sure a nigga’s mind was at peace and my heart still worked.
I’ve been doing that with her lately, and it made a nigga feel good as fuck. Made me feel like I was finally able to pour into her life in ways that went beyond giving her money and making her cum. Made me feel like I was finally about to make her feel just as good as she’d been making me feel. Watching her transition to this next phase in her life felt right, but now, shit felt all wrong.
She knew I had a paranoia issue and needed to know she was safe and okay at all times because of Jessica. When I called – I needed her to answer or at least text me back. If I knew she was doing something that wouldn’t allow her to answer I wouldn’t expect it, but if she was supposed to be free in that moment and wasn’t answering, I always assumed the worst. Now was no different.
We hadn’t talked all day after she met with her client, which was a red flag in itself because I didn’t know if the nigga had kidnapped her or what. About thirty minutes ago, she sent me a text that said she was okay and was on her way to see me. Since I was in the hood picking up my money for the week, I texted her and told her to meet me at my uncle’s soul food restaurant. His was one of the spots I used to clean my money, so I was able to kill two birds with one stone.
As soon as she walked in all eyes were on her. I couldn’t blame them because she looked bad as fuck. The two-piece crop top skirt set she had on accentuated her curves and shit like a motherfucker. Her hair was done and as always she had on makeup and shades – hiding them pretty ass eyes. Before she made it halfway through the restaurant niggas was calling out to her. One even had the balls to get up and grab her hand. Immediately she looked at me, and I was already up and out of my seat.