As soon as I stepped out, my eyes landed on Jeremy. At the sight of me, he smiled and made his way over to me. Holding the bag with both hands, my top lip twisted up, but I pushed it down quickly. Lord knows I was glad I had on black sunglasses so he wouldn’t be able to look fully into my eyes.
“What are you doing here, Rosalyn?”
“I wanted to see her.”
“You can’t say her name… can you?”
We stared at each other for seconds on end, and he was the first to look away as he nodded. There were kids running around like crazy, but it didn’t take long for our eyes to land on Willow. She was standing by the Dora the Explorer impersonator with the biggest grin on her face. As she nodded her head rapidly, her long, two pigtails shook. I couldn’t help but smile and get a little teary eyed at the sight of her.
Jeremy called her name, and she locked eyes with him instantly. Willow rushed over to us, and I felt myself getting nervous all over again.
“Let’s go inside for a second so we can talk,” Jeremy instructed as he picked Willow up. He led the way, and we went to Willow’s bedroom. Taking in the décor, I learned quite a few things about her just from the details. She definitely loved Dora and SpongeBob. And Princess things, but I already knew she liked that from shopping for her. There was a small plastic makeup kit in the corner that made my heart leap. She was a girly girl. Yay!
Willow looked from her father to me as I removed my shades. I think she liked being able to look at someone who looked so much like her, because every time she looked at me, she’d smile and her little eyes would light up. I looked at JD for permission, and when he nodded, I lowered myself so that we were eye to eye.
“Hi. My name is Rosalyn.”
I extended my hand and she put hers inside as she said, “Hi, Rosalyn. My name is Willow. You’re pretty, and you look just like me.”
Smiling bitterly, I ran my fingers down her cheek. Looking up at JD, I was honestly lost. I wanted to tell her, but was it fair to lay something like this on her? He nodded again, and I returned my attention to Willow.
“You’re such a pretty girl too, and… you look like me… because…” I paused and inhaled a deep breath. “Because I’m your mother, Willow.”
Willow looked up at Jeremy, as if she needed him to confirm what I’d said. “This is your mom, boo. You’ve been asking about her for so long, Daddy found her for you.”
She looked back at me, and the moment she did her eyes watered, brows wrinkled, and lips began to tremble. Before I knew it, Willow was sobbing and stepping into my arms. Holding her tightly, I cried my own tears. And when she whined, “I’m so happy to meet you, Mommy,” I just about lost it. I held her for so long I had to sit on the carpeted floor and sit her in my lap.
Yes, this was her fifth birthday party, but I needed to have her here with me.
The only thing that was able to separate us was Jeremy’s sister coming in asking where the birthday girl had gone. We didn’t acknowledge each other at all, and that was more than okay with me. They told Willow that it was time for her to open her presents and cut her cake, and she told them that she didn’t want to do it unless I came with her. I agreed, honestly not wanting to leave her side.
I took millions of pictures of her throughout the entire process and even recorded a few videos to send to my mother. When the party was over, I stuck around to spend a little more time with her. JD had hired a team, so we didn’t have to help with cleaning or taking anything down. By the time the last few guests had left, me, Willow, and Jeremy were making our way into the kitchen.
“Do I have a brother or sister?” she asked, holding my hand and the crown that I’d gotten her on top of her head.
“No, it’s just you.”
“Are you going to give me a brother or sister?”
Me and Jeremy chuckled as he scooped her up and sat her on top of the island. “Eh. It’s hard to say right now, princess.”
“Do I have another grandma and grandpa?”
“You have a grandma. Would you like to go see her? She’d love to meet you.”
Her little body tightened as she smiled widely at her father. “Can I go, Daddy? Pleeeaaassseeee?”
I could tell by the slight roll of his eyes that he didn’t want her to, but Jeremy agreed with, “For an hour, then you’ll need to get back home.”
I didn’t want to go against him in front of her, but it was going to take me thirty minutes just to get to my mother’s house.
“Why don’t you go and choose your three favorite gifts to show grandma?” I suggested, needing some alone time with Jeremy.
“Okay,” Willow agreed, lifting her arms for him to get her down.
I waited until she skipped out of the kitchen to say, “Thank you for agreeing to let me take her, but it’s going to take me an hour to get there and back.”
“I’m trailing y’all, but I won’t go in and infringe upon your time. And you can keep her there for two hours, but that’s it. She needs to get home and rest for church tomorrow.”
I didn’t have much room to go back and forth with him at this point, so I simply nodded in agreement. At this point, I’d be happy to accept whatever he was willing to give. When Willow came back with her three gift choices, I called my mother and let her know that we were on our way. She was just as surprised as I was that JD agreed, but she reminded me to not let my guards down since he’d made it clear that he wanted me.
Knowing him, he was doing this in an attempt to make me owe him something. Owe him me.
As I drove to my mother’s house, me and Willow pretty much played the question game. We took turns asking each other’s things to get to know each other. What took thirty minutes felt like three by the time we pulled up.
My mother and Stanley were waiting for us on the porch. Her smile dropped when she saw Jeremy’s car behind mine. She rolled her eyes, but whatever Stanley whispered in her ear made her smile.
That was good.
The moment I helped Willow get out of the backseat my mother squealed. She was trying so hard to contain herself and it tickled me. This was all she’d been talking about lately – us both getting married and me having children. We never talked about the baby I gave up, so seeing Willow after all this time was filling her with pure joy.
I held Willow’s hand and led her to my impatiently waiting mother, and she seemed to feed off her excitement.
“Is that my grandma?”
“It is, and she’s really happy to see you. She may give you a really big hug, but you let me know if she does it too hard.”
Covering her mouth, Willow giggled before confessing, “I love big hugs. Daddy calls them bear hugs.”
“Well come on and give your grandma a bear hug then,” my mother almost yelled, lowering herself and extending her arms for Willow to run into. As soon as she did, my mother lifted her into the air and spun her around. I had to look away to avoid crying again. Just this past week I’d cried more than I ever have in my entire life.
I had to keep my mother from making Willow a chocolate cake when we first made it inside because she’d already had enough sweets. That was in our blood though. We got it from her mother’s mother. Baking was a true joy. When we were stressed, we cooked. But when we were happy, we baked.