“I couldn’t face going to work,” I admit. Flu had been my cover story.
“He wants to know if you’re going to take the position.”
“I…” would have stayed for Vale, but he didn’t even want me to do that. He told me I had to take it. Maybe I should. It is what I wanted. And it would be easier to get over him with distance and time, right? I will get over him eventually. What’s half of nine years? Don’t they say it takes half the amount of time you’ve been in love with someone to get over them?
“You need to do this for you,” Lewis says. “It’s what you wanted. Maybe not the place you expected to be. But…”
“I’m going to take it.” I would have before Vale. Would have chosen my career to the detriment of everything else. Now, I need time to pull myself together. Away from him. “I’ll call Carlan. Monday morning.”
“That’s great news,” Kiki says. “I mean, we’ll miss you, but we want you to be happy.”
My eyes well up again.
“Come here, you goofy girl.” Lewis wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me into his side. “We’ll video chat all the time. We’ll visit. You’ll visit. Those nephews of yours are due any day, aren’t they?”
“A couple weeks.” I hug him back.
“I think this is going to be good,” he says. “You need to get over that idiot.”
“I don’t know how to.” I pull away from him. Move to the opposite side of the Island and collapse onto a stool. The same stool where Vale found out about those naughty pictures I sent. He was so angry. So intense. He’d wanted to take me on the floor of my living room that night. Not that I’d had a clue at the time. “I loved him so much for so long.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” Trix hugs me from one side.
Kiki hugs me too from the other side. “It’ll get easier with time and perspective.”
I can’t imagine it. I’m too raw. “I hope so.”
“Do you know what I can’t believe?” Lewis leans against the counter. He gives me a playful smile. “You threatened your brother with a broken glass bottle. That’s insane, Lilly Pilly. Truly. What’s next? Are you going to start fashioning shivs out of toothbrushes?”
“I didn’t mean to. It just happened.” I bury my face in my hands with a groan. I’m never going to live it down. Worse, I owe Hud an apology. “They were trying to kill each other. I had to stop them.”
“By smashing a bottle on the bar and waving the remains around like a weapon.” He clicks his tongue. “I am impressed.”
“Don’t be. I’m not.” I sigh as I pick up my phone to check again for a message from Vale or Cap’N Crunch. Something that will tell me this is all a bad dream. There’s nothing. Not one lousy notification. But the app doesn’t work anymore. And Vale made it clear that he can’t be the guy who loves me back. He won’t be calling me. Not now. Maybe not ever. Family dinners will never be the same. “Do you know if Hud and Vale are still—”
“Friends?” Lewis asks.
“Yeah.” I press my lips together and blink rapidly. I’ve been ignoring Hud but he’s probably hurting too. He lost someone too. Because I pushed Vale too far. If I’d done a better job of keeping my attraction under wraps, then none of this would have happened and my brother and his best friend would probably be playing video games and shooting the shit right now.
“I don’t know. Your brother just told me about Vale breaking up with you and ordered me to check on you.”
“I should call him,” I say, but I don’t make a move to do so. I need a little more time. I need to be able to keep my voice from breaking so he doesn’t know how sad I am.
“I bought tequila.” Lewis holds up the bottle and gives it a waggle. “Want to get your drink on and send verbal drunk texts to your ex later?”
I snort sob. “You guys are the best.”
“Aww honey,” Kiki says squeezing me again. “It’s okay. You’re going to be fine. It just takes time. Now, let’s pour this tequila, huh?”
Trix pushes a bag of sandwiches in front of me. “Uh-uh. Eat first. Then you can pour tequila in your coffee if you want.”
Lewis locates my blender and ice and the other ingredients he needs to make my favorite blue curacao margaritas. He puts them together while I eat my first real meal in a week. Doesn’t slide a drink in front of me until I’ve finished the two grilled sandwiches.
“I know you can usually hold your liquor, but it’s been a long week, so take it easy. This might put you on your ass.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Vale
Lily: Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.
Lily: Scratch that. I just need to know why? Why did you chase me all the way to L.A? Why did you kiss me? Why did you let me fall even more in love with you if you were always going to break my heart?
Lily: I’m sorry. Tequila gave me Lewis. I’m not good. You really hurt me.
Lily: Okay, that’s all I had to say. I guess we’re done now.
I throw my phone against the wall. It smashes against the plasterboard with a crack. Clatters to the floor in two pieces.
Everything hurts. My stitched wounds from where the doctors pulled the glass out of my back a week ago are achy and itchy. I have bruises all down my chest and on my jaw. The mottled yellow, green, black, and purple covers me in a camo pattern.
I didn’t even realize Hud had managed to land more hits than the one fist to my jaw, which is still tender and puffy, until the bruises started appearing.
I pour Crunch Berries into a bowl. Stir a little whisky into them. Stumble through my dark apartment to the couch. Put my bowl on the coffee table. Only I miss the edge and the bowl lands upside down on the floor, cereal and whisky spilling everywhere.
With a shrug I lift the bottle of Jack to my lips and drink. Here’s to you, you fucking idiot.
I drop onto the sofa. Tip my head back and close my eyes. Lily’s there when I do that though. Beautiful, a light in the fucking darkness, everything I’ve smiled over for so long until I told her to move to L.A. without me. I blink them open. She’s there too. Staring at me like I’m ripping the world out from under her feet.
I roll my head to the side and take in the empty space on the couch where two weeks ago she taunted me while we played video games. She’d dug her icy cold toes under my thigh and I’d wanted to tell her that I couldn’t imagine life without her in it.
“You don’t need to imagine it anymore, huh, fuckhead?” I take another swig from the bottle and put it with the empties littering the coffee table. Groan into my hands. My heart fucking hurts. Not even what happened with my own brother and Jessa was as painful as losing Lily is. Because I was never in love with Jessa. Infatuated, yes, but I am deep down, completely and utterly, and entirely too miserably in love with Lily Kelly.
I climb unsteadily to my feet. Pick up the Jack and take another shot. Trip over an empty that’s rolled across the floor. Go down like a sack of shit. I don’t bother getting up. I stare at the fucking rug while I blink back the wetness that’s starting to leak down the side of my nose. Fuck, I miss her so much already.