“Hi.” He smiles as his eyes flutter open.
“Hi.”
He shifts a little lower to his side. “Did you sleep?”
I’m not sure that I’ve really slept since that first night. It isn’t for lack of trying, but my body won’t relax. The second night, I woke Eli with my sobs. I relived the entire event at the hospital, only this time I made it in time to watch her fade away.
My mind played every scenario out in the worst way. I don’t know now if it’s a good thing that I wasn’t there. If it was anything like I imagine, I know I wouldn’t be just mourning. I wouldn’t have survived. I was never more grateful for Eli’s presence than I was when I woke, covered in sweat and tears pouring down my face.
“I think I did.”
“Good. How about we grab some food?”
I haven’t eaten much, and thinking about food makes my stomach growl. “I guess I am hungry.”
He laughs. “Come on, I’m starved.”
I follow him into the bathroom and almost scream when I see my face in the mirror. My eyes have dark circles under them. Makeup is now dried on my skin, and I’m not sure if it’s somehow become permanent. I won’t even talk about the mess that is my hair. Jesus. I glance over at Eli, who looks as perfect as always. His hair only looks sexy in its disheveled state, there aren’t any dark circles under his eyes. The deep lines of his hips are more prominent as the basketball shorts hang loosely.
Eli’s eyes move to mine, and he appraises me. “What?” he asks with a grin.
I think he knows I’m checking him out, but I shrug, not caring that I got caught. “Nothing.”
He comes closer, pressing his lips to mine. “You look at me like that, and I can’t help but kiss you.”
“Like what?” I ask.
“You’ll figure it out soon enough.” His kiss is quick and silences me from asking what the hell he sees in my eyes.
When he pulls back, I open my mouth to get my question out, but he moves toward the shower, slowly removing his pants. I stare at his broad shoulders, the way his muscles tense on his back, his now bare ass, and I can’t speak.
For the first time in three days, I want something more to ease my pain. Not food, or him holding me. I need him to make me forget who I am. I feel alone, broken, and Eli has pushed me to stay out of the numbness.
I want to get lost in his green eyes and have him make me feel pleasure. He’s spent every minute ensuring I felt safe. I think back to what Stephanie said: You have to promise me that you’ll let your heart be open. Can you do that?
She was asking so much more than that. She was practically begging me to let myself be vulnerable enough to love again.
“Are you coming in?” Eli asks as he stands in the shower, water dripping down each delicious inch of him.
A thought strikes me, halting my feet. I was never more vulnerable than I have been the last three days. I let him see me at my lowest, and he’s still here with his hand outstretched, calling me to him.
I step toward the man who I never thought I’d feel anything more than lust for. Each stride forward cements what I already knew was happening—I’m falling in love with Eli Walsh.
The steam circles around us as we stand in front of each other. My heart races with the knowledge of my deepening feelings. How did I get here so fast? Is it true that when two people are right for each other, time is irrelevant? Out of all the people in the world, is he really who I’m meant to be with?
His green eyes fill with wonder, as if we’re sharing the same thoughts, and I know . . . I love him.
I lift my hand and place it on his chest. His heartbeat quickens as we both gaze at each other.
“Tell me what you’re thinking.” Eli’s voice is heavy with confliction.
I’m terrified that if I say the truth, he’ll laugh. I’m frightened that I’ll lose him, like I lose everyone else. The crippling fear keeps me from saying it, but I give him what I can. “That I’m not alone because of you. That I’m afraid of losing you.”
His arms wrap around my shoulder, clutching me as the water falls on us. “I told you, baby. I’m not going anywhere.”
I tilt my head back, believing what he says. “I want you to make love to me.”
He tenses, probably scared that I’m not ready. Each touch we’ve shared since that night has been in comfort, and he’ll never grasp the intimacy he showed in that.
“Heather . . .” He hesitates. “I’m not . . .”
“I know.” I put my hand to his lips. “I’m telling you that I need you. I need you to make me feel alive. I want you to make love to me because I want to make love to you.”
His eyes don’t leave mine, and I see the mix of desire and surrender. His fingers slide down my spine as I grip his neck. Both of us move in perfect harmony, and our mouths collide. Eli takes control of the kiss, entering my mouth, and pouring himself into the moment. Each swipe of his tongue solidifies my heart to him.
My hands move down his shoulders, over his thick arms and firm muscles, and then back up again. I love the feel of him beneath me. The way he emboldens me to give myself over.
The kiss continues as we touch each other. It’s as if I’m experiencing him for the first time. His mouth moves against my throat, kissing me as his lips find purchase where it drives me wild.
He moves back to my lips and takes my head in his hands. My gaze meets his, and I see it all. He’s as in love with me as I am with him.
Just as I was too afraid to say it, he doesn’t utter the words, either. However, I know, and I show him the same love back.
The intensity of his stare is too much. My breathing becomes shallow, and he drops his grip and takes my hand. “I want to do something,” he admits. “Will you let me take care of you?”
“You already have.”
I’ll give him anything he wants. I trust him more than I’ve ever trusted any other man.
Eli fills his hand with soap, turns my back to his front, and starts to wash me. He starts at my neck, lathering the soap and moving ever so slightly down to my shoulders. “You have no idea how you make me feel,” he says against my ear. “How much I want to take away your pain. I want to make you smile, baby. I want to give you everything.”
I lean back against him, as he moves to my chest. “I need you so much,” I admit. “It scares me how much you mean to me.”
He spreads the soap across my body with care. We’re both naked, but it’s more than foreplay right now, it’s filled with meaning. Once he’s done washing me, I’m desperate for him.
I need him inside me. I need to feel whole. I need him to fill me with life.
His gaze is brimming with hunger. Neither of us can wait any longer.
He presses my back against the wall and his mouth finds mine. I pour out every ounce of love I feel from my body. I want him to feel how deeply I’m in love with him. My hand reaches for his dick, trying to line it up. I can’t wait. I have to have him right now.
“Heather,” he says against my skin. “We don’t have a condom . . .”
“I have an IUD, and I’m clean.”
His head drops to my shoulder, and he moans. “I’m clean, but are you sure?”