I look up, watching his green eyes beg for me to say yes. But there’s only one thing that falls from my lips. “I love you, Eli. I want you to make love to me.”
I stun myself with my admission and wait for him to freak out.
He pushes the wet hair from my cheek and smiles. “I love you. I loved you the day we were on the boat. I loved you the day your face was covered with paint. I might have even fallen in love with you when you screamed my name at the concert.”
The tears that fall this time aren’t from grief, but from hope. I’m not alone or lost, I found my home.
“You know, I’ve spent my entire life in Tampa, and I’ve never been here,” I state.
Eli chuckles as we continue walking on the trail. “I love this park, Randy used to take me here to fish when my dad was too drunk to be around.”
After our intense shower, Eli told me he wanted to show me something. I wasn’t in the mood to leave our safe haven, but he wasn’t budging, insisting that we were leaving the house before we had to meet with the assisted living director.
“Tell me about your parents.” He doesn’t talk much about his family. I know his mother lives in Tampa, but he hasn’t mentioned her.
He sighs. “Not much to say. My father was a drunk, smacked my mom and Randy around. I don’t remember if he hit me, but Randy says he took the hits so I didn’t have to. From what I’m told, he lost his job and then left.”
“Wow, is that why you and Randy are so close?”
“Yeah, my brother was more of a father than anything. Even though he’s only a few years older, he took me under his wing. When we found out our dad was dead, that was when Randy really made it his job to take care of me.”
It mirrors the relationship between me and Steph. When my parents died, I became the parent figure. It was different because we lost both Mom and Dad, but still, I can imagine what Randy experienced.
I rest my head on his arm as we continue through Lettuce Lake Park. The trees provide shade, allowing us to walk comfortably. It’s Florida, so it’s always hot and humid, but today is bearable. “What about your mom?”
“She’s here in Tampa, but she spends half the year in New York visiting her sister. They do the whole snowbird thing. I don’t get it, but they’ve been doing it for years.” Eli stops in front of the opening by a small pond and grabs my hips. “I want you to meet them.”
I give a small smile. “I’d like that.”
“My brother is up my ass about bringing you to his house. I’d love for you to meet my niece and nephew.”
A sharp pain slices through my chest. Eli having a family shouldn’t hurt me. I know it’s a little irrational for me to be jealous, and a part of me is angry with myself for thinking that way. In my heart, I know all of this, but it’s there.
He rocks my hips back and forth when I don’t say anything. “Yes, of course. I’m sorry I spaced out there.” I try to laugh it off. “Maybe next week?”
“There’s no rush, babe.”
“Okay, I do want to meet them, though. Your niece sounds great.”
I love that while the media portrays Eli as big and bad, he’s a man with a beautiful heart. The fact that he’s so smitten with his niece is proof. I can only imagine how much she rules his world.
Eli tosses his arm over my shoulder, tucking me into the crook of his arm, and we continue walking. I’ve been around tall and strong men my entire career and never felt secure. I’ve always been able to hold my own and am proud of that. With Eli, I can almost relax. I’m not looking for the next bad guy, I’m just happy to be in the moment with him.
“It’s so peaceful here,” he muses.
“I’m glad you brought me here. Stephanie would’ve loved it.”
He smiles down at me, kisses my forehead, and rubs my arm. “That’s the first time you’ve talked about her since the hospital.”
“It hurts to think of her,” I admit.
“Maybe talking will help.”
I don’t know that anything will help, but I know I don’t ever want to forget her. If that’s how I can keep her memory alive, I’ll endure the pain. My sister loved when we’d talk about the funny things my parents did. She would tell me that by whispering their names in the wind, it brought their spirit to life.
I lean into Eli, needing his support. “Stephanie wanted to be a professional gymnast when we were kids. One time, she was practicing doing flips on the bed in my room.” I smile as I remember how disastrous it was. “She missed the bed and her tailbone hit the wall, leaving a big ass imprint.”
He laughs, and I giggle.
“My mom was so mad because we tried to cover it with pillows.”
“Pillows?”
“Yeah, like we could hide the giant butt in the wall and she’d never know.”
Eli shakes his head and grins. It was one of the stories Stephanie loved to tell. I ended up getting grounded because she lied and said it was me. Since it was my room and my bed, my mother never believed me when I told her Steph did it.
She was always doing those kinds of things, taking my clothes, mixed tapes, and any toy I loved. What I wouldn’t give to be able to have that all back, I’d give her anything she wanted.
“You ready to head back?” he asks. “We need to meet the director.”
This is going to be impossible. Collecting her things and getting rid of anything we don’t want . . . I don’t know how I’m going to do it.
“I guess—” I start to say but a woman shrieking stops me.
“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!” A jogger who is no longer running starts to yell. She stares at Eli with her jaw hanging open. “You’re! You’re Eli Walsh! Like, I love you. I’m your biggest fan!”
“Well, thank you.” He flashes a smile and drops his arm.
This is the first time we’ve had this happen. I watch as the woman starts to prattle on about how amazing he is and how hot he is in person. A knot in my stomach starts to coil. I know he’s hot, and I get that he’s famous, but when we’re together, it’s so easy to forget.
“You have no idea, I’ve loved you forever. I know you’re from here, and I kept waiting to meet you! And now you’re here!” She screeches, and I barely contain my flinch.
Eli reaches his hand back, twisting his fingers in mine. “It was great to meet you, but I need to be going,” he smoothly explains.
“Can you take our picture?” she asks me.
The last thing I want to do is be a photographer, but I have to remember this is part of who he is. To me, he’s Ellington, the guy who watched awful comedy movies with me the last two days. He carefully picked each one to ensure nothing would trigger me breaking down again. He made sure I ate, slept, and functioned. He’s the man who held me together when I was breaking apart. I don’t share that man with these women, but Eli is a superstar. He doesn’t belong to just me.
“Oh, sure.” I grab her phone, and he shoots me an apologetic look.
The woman gushes some more, touches his arm, and doesn’t even glance at me again. I take the photo and watch her hug him once more. She runs off, glancing back at him a few more times. What is wrong with these people? I know that I did that with Eli, but I was drunk and at a concert where I never thought he’d actually hear me. If I had been sober and in a normal setting, I would have waved or smiled, but telling him I loved him? No. That’s ridiculous.