It was just the two of them for a while. The rest of their group formed a few years later, when Max was admitted to the hospital for chronic anxiety and depression. His cousin, Ace, had been there longer than any of them, but he was quiet and always kept to himself. It wasn’t until Max arrived that Ace joined their group, although Jacob and Mikey still didn’t know what he was in for. He didn’t share much, aside from a witty comment every now and again that would put the rest of them in stitches from laughter.
Their crew had remained pretty solid throughout the years. Mikey was released a year after Jacob arrived, but one day, two years later, he came in and plopped himself down at their table again, sporting a bruised eye and a fat lip. They all stared at him in surprise, Max pausing in the middle of dealing out cards.
“What, are you gonna stare at me all day, or are you gonna deal me in?” Mikey had said. He retained his typical casual swagger, but there was something bleak in his eyes. None of them knew what happened, and they never dared to ask. All they knew was that his sudden re-appearance at Bellevue seemed to be a lot less voluntary than his first admission, and although he tried to hide it for a while, Jacob soon noticed that he was taking several medications he wasn’t on before. But Mikey was a classic over-sharer, so if there was something he didn’t want to say, none of them were going to push him for answers.
Instead, they let it go and fell back into their old pattern. Sleep, eat, group sessions, individual sessions, cards in the cafeteria, and sleep again. It wasn’t much of a life, but it was more stability than Jacob ever had before, and the idea of leaving that behind for something completely unknown was unnerving.
“So, what’s the first thing you’re gonna do when you get out?” Max inquired, pulling Jacob from his memories.
Mikey scoffed. “Forget that. What’s the first thing you’re gonna eat?”
Jacob laughed. “I hadn’t really thought about it,” he said, mulling it over.
“Mmm, I’d get a big, juicy steak,” Mikey replied, eyes far off in his imagination. “With mushrooms on top.”
Max let out a moan. “That sounds so good. For me it’d be tacos. Man, I miss tacos.”
“Hm,” Jacob muttered, trying to remember what food he missed the most, but coming up blank. “Ace? What about you?”
Ace glanced up for a moment before turning his eyes back to his tray. He pushed around a pile of scrambled eggs, scooping up a bit on his fork and popping it in his mouth. “Cheesecake.”
Jacob smiled. It was always an accomplishment to get a word out of Ace, and despite the simplicity of the conversation, it seemed like the perfect ending to his time there. Just the guys, chatting together over one last meal.
“Well, on that note,” he said, pushing back from the table and rising. “I guess I should get going.”
Max stood and pulled him into an easy, firm embrace.
“Take care, Jay,” he instructed with a pat on the shoulder.
Mikey followed suit with an unexpectedly sincere handshake. “So, you gonna come back and see us sometime, or what?”
Jacob smiled. “Of course.”
Mikey briefly returned his grin, and Jacob gave Ace a nod and a wave as he backed away from the table.
“See you guys,” he said, and he made his way to the front doors.
He stopped at the security desk to sign his release form and receive the few personal belongings he had on him when he was admitted. Waiting there for him was a bus ticket to Ohio, a folder full of information on the University he would be attending there, a small pill box to tide him over until he could fill the new prescriptions his therapist in Ohio would provide, and a new, black hoodie. There was a note stuck to the front of the sweatshirt, scrawled in Doctor Yang’s formal script.
In case it gets cold out there.
Take care.
Jacob smiled, tucking the note into his folder and shoving his wallet and the pill container in his pockets as he passed through the metal detectors. Once the guard gave him the okay, he pushed open the heavy, glass door and stepped out into the open air.
Letting the door fall shut behind him, he took in a deep breath of the fresh air. He was struck, first, by the peaceful silence, even in the midst of the city sounds. The still-familiar sounds of cars rushing past on the nearby freeway, ambulance sirens wailing, all faded into the background. For a long moment, he stood and listened to his own breath rising and falling in his chest. That peace was the tangible sensation of freedom.
A chill swept over him in the brisk wind, and he snapped out of his reverie. He slipped his arms into the sleeves of his new sweatshirt as he stepped into the cab awaiting him. He rolled down the window as the driver headed for the bus station, basking in the sunshine that was peeking through the light clouds above. A drop fell from his overflowing eye, and he blinked back the emotion, wiping away the evidence with the back of his hand. With another deep breath, he laid his head back, closed his eyes, and settled in for the beginning of the rest of his life.
THE BUS RANGED FROM moderately crowded to completely empty throughout his journey from New York to Ohio. Passengers came and went, but Jacob remained settled into his window seat, trying to make the most of the quieter moments when the occupancy of the bus was low and he could get some sleep.
Nearing the border of Pennsylvania, the last few passengers departed, leaving Jacob alone with the driver. He was already exhausted from the travel, so he tried to sleep, pulling up the hood of his sweatshirt for extra cushion against the cold glass of the window beside him. He was just beginning to drift off when they arrived at the bus stop in Allentown, where a woman and her young daughter boarded. They passed by Jacob and took a seat across the aisle and a few rows back from where he sat.
He listened as the woman got them settled, in her strained, tired voice, instructing the girl to sit and relax. The quiet whispering lulled his eyes closed again, and sleep finally claimed him.
He was awoken shortly after by the feeling of movement beside him.
“Hello,” a small voice said. He jumped and turned to see the little girl from Allentown sitting beside him.
“Oh,” he muttered, glancing back to where her mother was fast asleep with her head against the window. He took note of the hour on the large, digital clock at the front of the bus, indicating that it had only been ten minutes since their last stop. “Um... hello,” he answered, looking at her uncomfortably for a moment before resting his head back on the wall.
“Mommy said I could have my candy once we got on the bus,” she announced, fiddling with a small bag of M&Ms. Sighing heavily in dramatized disappointment, she added, “but I can’t open it.”
“Well,” Jacob said, trying to get rid of his new companion before crossing any “stranger-danger” boundaries, “that’s… too bad. You should probably just go back to your seat and get some rest, then,” he suggested, closing his eyes again.
“I’m not tired,” she retorted, staying put as she futilely tugged on her bag of candy.
“Well, good for you,” he hinted with a yawn, snuggling deeper into the wall of the bus.
“What’s your name?” she asked after a moment of silence.
Sighing in exasperation, Jacob opened his eyes and rubbed his hands across his face, laying his head against the headrest. Mentally counting the many hours until they would arrive in Cottonwood, he racked his brain for a way to get the chatty girl back to her seat so he could sleep.