“Yeah, we’re about twenty minutes away,” the woman stated into her phone between puffs. “No, actually, it’s been pretty empty. For most of the ride it was just us and one other person.” Her gaze flickered cautiously to Jacob and quickly dropped back to the ground when their eyes met.
She sighed and rolled her eyes. “No, mom, I’m not smoking,” she tossed her cigarette and stepped on it. Jacob smirked to himself. “Yeah, I know,” she said, her voice heavy with guilt and worry as she looked through the window at her daughter, still sleeping soundly against her pillow.
Jacob covertly followed her gaze for a brief moment before turning his eyes to his feet, kicking the gravel beneath them as he struggled to keep his mind away from the unpleasant thoughts that had lulled him to sleep and burdened his dreams. Not only was little Maggie a somber reminder of his sister, but she and her mother both forced him to think about the consequences of a man’s actions, the people who remained, broken and hurting, once that man was finished using them for his own selfish gain.
The soft mumbling of the woman’s conversation with her mother faded into the background as he unsuccessfully tried to keep his mind off of the remnants of his poor choices.
Remnants like Officer Perez’ wife and two daughters.
Jacob let out a rough sigh and rubbed his hands across his face as the woman returned her phone to her pocket and lit up another cigarette. She took a deep puff, letting it out slowly as she closed her eyes and leaned back against the side of the bus.
The more broken she looked, the more Jacob’s guilt ate at him. His palms began to sweat as he anxiously tapped his foot, and without a second thought, he took a step forward.
“Hey,” he greeted nervously.
Her eyes snapped open and she cautiously returned his gaze. “Hello,” she replied.
“Um,” Jacob started, immediately cursing himself for the utterance. He remained silent for a minute, hoping that perhaps she hadn’t heard him. After a minute, though, when he returned her gaze again, her face held a look of confused expectance.
Dammit.
“I, um,” he began, shuffling his feet uncomfortably. “I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation earlier… about your husband,” he explained.
Her expression shifted from curiosity to embarrassment.
“And… well, I just wanted to say I’m sorry,” Jacob continued, “that you have to deal with all of that.” Their eyes met for a moment and he said with sincerity, “You deserve better.”
Her eyebrows raised and she let out a small scoff. “Are you… trying to hit on me by bashing my deadbeat husband?”
“Oh, no!” Jacob exclaimed, eyes wide. “No, no… I wouldn’t have even thought of that.”
She raised her eyebrows again at that, and he quickly realized how that must have sounded.
“I mean not that you’re not... you’re very…,” he trailed off, trying to redeem himself without making her more uncomfortable. By the look on her face, he determined that he wasn’t succeeding. “Okay, I’m just gonna stop talking now,” he chuckled awkwardly, running a hand through his hair. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” the woman said, trying to assuage some of his obvious embarrassment.
Catching a glimpse of her eyes, reddened by tears, Jacob’s gut tugged at him again. “It’s just that...,” he began again, hoping he could accurately explain himself without putting his foot even further into his mouth. “I’ve been in a sort of… similar position,” he started. She let out another stream of smoke as she listened to his explanation. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes. Selfish ones. And the truth is, I didn’t really think much about how my actions affected other people.”
The woman was listening attentively now, ash falling from her cigarette as she halted her puffing.
“You and your daughter kind of got me thinking about consequences,” he continued with a shrug. “And… I don’t know. I guess I just felt the need to… apologize for something.” He scoffed at himself and the silly notion that apologizing to this stranger would have any effect on the people who were truly on his mind. Shaking his head, he said, “That probably doesn’t really make any sense, but –”
“No,” she interrupted, meeting his gaze earnestly with wet eyes. “It does make sense,” she nodded. “Thank you.”
Jacob breathed a sigh of relief at her understanding. “You’re welcome,” he said.
She gave him a small smile as the bus driver approached, announcing that it was time to get back on the road. The driver boarded the bus, and Jacob gestured for the woman to go ahead of him. The rest of the passengers had already boarded, so the door folded shut loudly behind him.
Almost half an hour later, the bus stopped in Altoona, and the little girl and her mother departed.
Holding onto her mother’s hand and following her to the door, Maggie looked back at Jacob and gave him a small wave with a bright grin. He returned the favor as he watched the woman step off of the bus and finally break into an uninhibited sob as an older woman pulled her into a solid embrace.
After a few more stops and several more hours of attempted, restless sleep, the bus arrived in Cottonwood, Ohio. From there, Jacob took a cab to Westbridge University, the setting for the next few years of his journey.
Upon checking into the University, he discovered that he had lucked out with a room to himself. They assigned him to a one-bed dorm room that was generally set aside for RA’s, but had been empty since the current RA had opted to room with his twin brother instead. It was a huge relief, not just because of the general awkwardness of sharing a room with a stranger, but because he had been stressing greatly over how he was going to hide his medications and phone calls from his parole officer with a roommate sniffing around so close by. With that worry alleviated, he could begin to see how this might come to feel like home, in time.
Due to the late hour, he was simply handed a packet of information, such as his class schedule, the name of his academic advisor, his room number, campus rules, and a map. He took a quick look at the map, making mental note of the important buildings – academic advisory, financial aid, cafeteria, and his dorm building. He was informed that he would be staying in a co-ed building, and that there were private bathrooms in each dorm room and a shared kitchen space on the first floor of every dorm building, complete with storage lockers for personal, non-refrigerated food items.
After the quick information overload, an employee escorted him to his dorm building, and he was released to make himself at home in his new room. He unpacked what few belongings he had, putting his file of information on the school on the desktop, storing his pill box in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, and stashing his wallet and Maggie’s journal in the top drawer of the bedside table. Lying down on the bare mattress in the center of the room, he kicked off his shoes and let out a deep breath. He looked around at the unfamiliar gray walls, listening to the sound of his breathing in the silence. It was long past quiet hours, and the only other noise he could hear was the ticking of the clock on the wall across the room. He stared at the second hand, watching it move one tick at a time and thinking of everything that was to come, all of the experiences he was to have in this room. At the moment it felt unfamiliar and cold, but he knew that this was soon to be his new home, this place soon to be filled with new adventures. With that thought to comfort him, and the soothing white noise of the ticking clock, he drifted to sleep.