“I’m Maggie,” she announced politely.
Jacob chuckled to himself at the coincidence, noting the resemblance as he thought back to the days of his sister following him around the house, never leaving his side and always wanting to be involved in whatever he was doing, even if it was just homework or house chores. With another sigh, he turned to look at the girl. “Of course you are,” he said with a smirk.
She smiled back at him with a sweet, innocent grin.
“I’m Jacob,” he said.
“It’s nice to meet you, Jacob,” she said, cordially offering her tiny hand for a shake.
He just laughed, politely dismissing the physical contact. “Hey,” he started, pointing to her bag of candy. “If I can get that open, do you think I could have a few?” he asked.
She looked down at the bag in her hands, pursing her lips as she considered his offer. Realizing she had no hope of getting it open on her own, she agreed to the deal with an enthusiastic nod. Taking the bag and opening it easily, he poured a few M&Ms into his hand, chuckling again as she watched him carefully to ensure that he wasn’t taking too many. He handed her the bag.
“Thanks,” she said with a smile as they both popped a few candies into their mouths.
“No problem,” he replied, turning to look out at the cloud-covered sky.
“Are you going to Altoona?” the girl asked as she munched on her snack.
“Uh, no,” Jacob answered, confused by her assumption.
“Oh,” she said. “That’s where I’m going. My grandparents live there, in a big, blue house. They have a pool. We’re moving in with them until Daddy gets home from jail.”
Jacob raised his eyebrows at her surprising openness. “Oh yeah?” he chuckled.
“Mhmm,” she mumbled, shoving more candy in her mouth.
“You know, you probably shouldn’t be telling me that,” he pointed out.
Her tiny, dark eyebrows pulled together. “Why not?”
“Well, you don’t know me,” he began, trying to choose his words carefully, to teach her the lesson without scaring her. “I could be a bad man,” he stated, giving her a hopefully harmless smile.
“Are you a bad man?” she countered, unfazed by his statement.
He stared at her for a moment, then turned his attention back to the clouds as he thought about that. For any normal person, it would be a simple inquiry, but it was more complicated for him. He certainly used to be a bad man. He didn’t think of himself as a particularly “bad” man anymore, but could he really go so far as to say he was a good man? These questions continued to weigh on his mind as he searched the sky for answers, when the girl’s mother woke up.
“Maggie?!” she called as she glanced quickly around the nearly empty bus, surprised to see the vacant chair beside her.
“I’m right here,” the girl answered calmly, peeking her head into the aisle.
Her mother got up and strode quickly to her side. Jacob removed his hood and sat up straight in his seat to appear less threatening, giving the woman a polite smile.
“Jacob helped me open my candy,” Maggie announced proudly, pleased with her own resourcefulness. Surprised fear colored her mother’s wide, bloodshot eyes as she glanced cautiously between the strange man and her daughter.
“Um,” he began, his heartrate elevating, “she just... sat down and started talking to me,” he explained, trying to make it clear that he wasn’t the one who initiated the contact.
After the initial shock wore off, the woman seemed to relax a bit. “Yeah,” she said, grabbing Maggie’s hand. “She does that. Sorry.”
“It’s not a problem,” Jacob replied.
The woman gave him one last apprehensive gaze and guided Maggie back to their seats. As he pulled his hood back up and leaned against the window, he listened to the hushed tones of Maggie’s mother going over the rules for their bus ride again. The rules, of course, included “no talking to strangers” and “no wandering around without permission,” but they seemed to go in one ear and out the other as the girl softly hummed to herself, enjoying her candy.
After twenty minutes of silence, aside from the mother’s quiet sniffling, the little girl began to complain about her boredom.
“I don’t know what to tell you, sweetheart,” her mother said with a sigh, sounding exhausted enough to be overwhelmed by even the simplest of questions.
“Can I go talk to Jacob?” she suggested.
“No, you may not,” her mother quickly replied in a stern voice. Lowering her volume, she added, “He’s a stranger, remember?”
“He could be a bad man,” Maggie stated in understanding.
“Exactly,” her mother answered.
“Like Daddy?” Maggie asked.
There was a long pause, and the woman’s voice was softer when she spoke again. “No, honey,” she said with poorly concealed sadness. “No, Daddy’s not a bad man. He’s just having a hard time right now, and he needed to get some help for a while, okay?”
“But you told Grandma he was bad,” Maggie reminded. “You said you hate him. I thought we weren’t supposed to say that word.”
The woman took in a breath that caught in her chest. “You’re right, sweetie,” she said, clearing the lump from her throat. “That wasn’t a nice thing to say. Mommy’s sorry, okay?” There was a rustling sound, and she added, “Do you wanna play something on my phone?”
Maggie enthusiastically agreed and, after getting her set up with a game and reminding her not to drop it, her mother let out another deep sigh, grateful for the reprieve.
Jacob stared at the seat in front of him, his tired eyes glazing over, taking in the conversation he couldn’t help but overhear on the quiet bus. His chest was tight and a lump rose in his throat. It was harrowing, observing the heartache that a husband and father could cause with his poor life choices, and for once he was grateful that he didn’t have anyone in his life close enough to hurt.
With that thought, he was reminded of all of the people he had managed to scar with his decisions. The image of a bloodied police officer, lying in the entryway of his home for his wife and children to discover, filled his mind. He thought about the graduations those children would have, the fatherless dinners, the aisles they would walk in bittersweet solitude on their wedding days. A few drops spilled over the brim of his eyes, and he took in a staggered breath to relax the pressure in his chest.
Utterly fatigued from lack of sleep and the weight of his guilt, he wiped his eyes and let them fall shut. Pulling his hood tightly over his head to conceal himself, he rested against the window again, his consciousness quickly slipping away.
A few hours later, the bus pulled into another stop, and the driver announced that the riders had ten minutes to use the facilities, if needed. There were more passengers on board than there were when Jacob fell asleep, so he guessed they must have made a stop or two since Allentown.
He used the restroom quickly, washed his hands, splashed some cool water on his face, and returned to the parking lot to stretch his legs. Maggie’s mother was pacing outside the bus, talking on the phone and smoking a cigarette, occasionally peeking in the bus window at her sleeping daughter. Jacob gave her some space, striding near the front of the bus and enjoying the feeling of blood pumping through his stiff legs again.