“I’m ok thank you, very well actually, how are you and life on the ranch?”
“Everyone is ok, we all miss your presence here that is not a lie. Do you have anything to tell me?” If I didn’t know any better I swear she knows, but how could she?
“No I don’t think so, I haven’t really done anything. I’ve just been plodding along.”
“It’s ok you tell us when you’re ready darlin, I look forward to it.” She was beginning to freak me out.
“Ok well I’m going to go now, it was great to hear your voice Annett.” Just as I said her name I hear someone in the background “Is it her, is she on the phone?” Shit, there is no denying that voice, Kenni, I freak the fuck out and hang up the phone, not wanting to speak to him, I’d already said goodbye to Annett anyway so I didn’t feel too bad.
A couple of minutes later the phone rings but I ignore it, I check the answerphone but they didn’t leave a message and it just says that the number is unavailable, it must be him. The phone rings again, this time they leave a message. I cry when I hear it.
“Lucille this is your husband, I miss yah darlin. Are you gunna come home to me anytime soon? I ain’t gunna lie to you sweetheart, I’m struggling without you here. Just know that I love you and I am right here waiting for you. I love you darlin.” The message beeps of at this point and I crumple to the floor, that message has destroyed me.
Kicking into action I quickly retrieve my mobile phone and open up the microphone app before replaying the message and recording it onto my phone, listening to it again was torture but the thought of it being deleted had me feeling utter devastation.
I lay in bed later looking through my photos with his message on loop, sleep evaded me again but I was happy in my Kenni bubble.
Kenni
She called, once again it was when I wasn’t there. I managed to catch the end of the conversation but she hung up as soon as she heard my voice. Like the pussy that I am, I had to call her back and lay my damn heart out on her answering machine.
My mom came and gave me a hug afterwards and told me she was proud of me and she told me that it took a real man to cry, I didn’t know what she was talking about, I must’ve had grit in my eyes from outside or something.
I don’t know how much more I can take of this? I need to man the fuck up and start getting on with my life. I can’t keep living like I am, it’s not healthy.
Chapter Thirteen
Before I knew it Christmas was upon us, I was officially the size of a killer whale and there was no hiding the truth from anyone now. I still hadn’t told Kenni, something that was a bone of contention with my family as each of them, in their own way, tried to persuade me to tell him.
I just didn’t want to tell him, I accept the consequences of my decision. I did have another topic of conversation I was dreading bringing up with them. I want to find my own house to live in.
I had a chat with my grandparents who had informed me they have some money for me on the condition I knew it would be taken out of whatever they left me. It felt a little weird discussing life after they had gone but they were adamant they wanted to help me out. So here I am, now sat at the kitchen table facing my parents, brother and sister.
“So I wanted to speak to you all, I have decided I’m going to move out of here after Christmas.” All at once they exploded, every single one of them. I don’t say a word, I just let them have their rant. After they all quieten down I start to speak again.
“I’m going to be having twins, two noisy babies that will keep everyone awake you know. I want my own space as well, I love you all but I’m going to need my own space. I’ll still be around all of the time you know, I’m still going to live in the village.” It went from one extreme to another as everyone went quiet this time. My dad was the first to speak.
“If it’s what you really want, we will support you, but know you’re always welcome here, this will always be your home.” My mum pipes up next.
“I’ll agree to this on one condition, after my grandbabies are born you come here to stay for at least two weeks so I can help you.” How can I say no to that request?
“Deal.” I smile widely, no more is said on the subject as we all discuss Christmas plans, which is only a few days away now.
I have my third scan today, both my mum and Ruby are accompanying me, I think Caleb was a little disappointed he couldn’t come. We all wait in the waiting room briefly before we go about the usual routine of asking questions before I lay down, raise my top and lower my trousers. The lady pushes the probe into my stomach and begins looking at the screen and freezing images.
“Did you want to know the sexes, luckily they are complying today.” The sonographer lady asks me, she looks almost hopeful that I’m going to say yes.
“Yes.” We all reply at once and then look at each other and laugh.
“Mum.” The lady asks me directly to clarify.
“Yes please.” I beam happily.
“You’re having two boys. Both look to be a healthy size and weight.” All three of us are crying, like tears streaming crying, she points out their private areas on the screen and I sort of see what she means. She again prints of some pictures, I have a couple more this time as she has zoomed in on a couple of areas.
“I’ll report back to the midwife that all is well. Unless you have any problems, I think this will be your last ultrasound.” I’m disappointed but relieved at the same time as it’s good to have a healthy pregnancy I guess.
“You’ve discussed with your midwife about elective caesarean is that right?”
“Yes that’s right, they feel it will be safer for me. I’m not going to argue with them.” She gives me a knowing smile.
“Is your husband back from America yet?” I’m flabbergasted that she remembered.
“No that’s a little complicated, well done for remembering.” I’m impressed as she must see a lot of people.
“Well your brother was a little cute, so the story stuck with me.” She says bashfully, I smile because in all honesty she is not my brother’s type, at all. He would have said something when he was with me if she had caught his attention last time, which he didn’t.
“He’s out around town most weekends, you might see him, you never know.” She smiles widely and wishes me luck with the rest of my pregnancy.
As we’re walking out my mum says she is treating us both to lunch. As soon as we leave the hospital my phone rings, looking down I see my brother’s name.
“Two healthy baby girls.” I say as I answer, then I laugh out loud as he goes quiet, just blowing out a long breath.
“Caleb I’m joking, its two little boys.” This clearly pleases him.
“Wow, two boys, that is so cool, dad, two boys.” I hear my dad cheer in the background, say something about more testosterone around the place and gather that he’s just generally happy about the news.
“Were all going for lunch so we’ll see you both later?”
“Ok have fun, don’t forget my Christmas present.” Trust my brother to act like a child. I hang up and put my phone back into my handbag. Looking up I see my mum and Ruby looking at me.