I check I have use of my arms and move my hands automatically down to my stomach, I don’t feel my normal bump, panic washes over me and I scream. I see four heads pop up from there sleepy slumber, my mum is the first to get to me.
“Luci darling calm down, I’ll go and get the doctor to talk to you, please keep calm though.” My mum leaves my side and is replaced by Caleb who starts brushing my hair out from in front of my eyes.
“It’s ok Luc, we’re all here.” His voice is calming me a little but I need answers.
“Where are my boys Caleb, what happened, oh god I’ve lost them haven’t I?” He doesn’t say anything, just continues to sooth me as my tears continue to fall, a minute or so later a doctor comes through the door, coming directly to my side.
“Luci I’m glad that you’re awake, do you know why you are here?” I shake my head indicating no.
“You had an accident last night and you sustained a blow to your stomach, this set of premature labour and we had to do an emergency caesarean. I know it was early but both boys were in very clear distress, they were delivered between 30-31 weeks and both born alive but remain critical at this moment in time, they are in the special care baby unit, we’re hopeful for both of them though. Do you understand everything that I’ve just told you?” I’m still crying and can only nod my head yes.
“I know you’re probably desperate to see them both but please understand the seriousness of the situation, they’re both in critical conditions at the moment, as are you. We will get you to them as soon as possible and you’ll be able to touch them but probably not hold them for a few days. I have a photo of each of them for you.” He reaches into his shirt pocket and produces two Polaroid photo’s, he hands me them one at a time.
“This is baby Bennet one, he was born first at 11.30pm weighing in at 1lb 15oz and this is Baby Bennet two, born at 11.33pm weighing 2lb 1oz, both were born on New year’s eve, they’re identical twins by the way. Luci it’s important you understand even for twins they’re extremely premature, they will most likely be in here for a few weeks. Would you like us to inform your husband?” I find my voice when he asks me this.
“No thank you.” He looks a little put out but quickly disguises it.
“And lastly I would like to discuss you, you obviously have had a caesarean so you will be very sore across you lower abdominal area. As far as the accident goes the only damage sustained from that was the premature labour and some cuts and grazes on your arms and knees. I know this is a lot of information all in one hit but you have dealt with it fine. Are you sure I can’t contact your husband, he is your next of kin.” Suddenly the conversation I overheard with my parents makes sense to me.
“No thank you, I just want to see my boys.” I plead with him.
“In time Luci, in time. Just be patient and pray for them. I believe the police would like to speak with you as soon as you’re able.” I look around to my parents and try to think back, suddenly the memory of Alan comes flooding back to me.
“Alan, I’m going to bloody kill him.” My dad and brother laugh before my dad speaks.
“Your brother pretty much did that last night Luci, don’t worry about that now.” Turning towards the doctor he thanks him and then he leaves the room. I sit and look at the pictures of my two boys, they are so small but I can already see that they look like Kenni. Looking up I see my family looking at me.
“Have you seen them?” Smiles cross all of their faces and then the pain and panic sets in.
“We’ve seen them through the window but that’s it, they’re so tiny Luci, beautiful but tiny.” I continue to look at the pictures of them.
“I’m going to prey for them, do you want to join me?” There is a chorus of “Yeses” and we all sit quietly for a few minutes as we each say our own little prayers.
I eventually get to see them both later on in the day, the nurses tell me they’re doing well and have both already gained an ounce in weight, which is good news.
Whilst I’m there, I express some milk for them as I want to breastfeed alongside what they’re feeding them, it took a bit of getting used too.
I spent about half an hour with them and was allowed to touch them through the incubator, after seeing them I was more hopeful of a positive outcome.
The police arrived and I told them everything that I could remember, they were unsure what charges Alan would face, if any, as he hadn’t actually hit me, the labour was caused due to me moving out of the way to block him, both my dad and Caleb were seething.
“Have you thought of any names yet Luci?” My mum asks me, I had been thinking quite a bit about it actually.
“Yes I have both of them, Baby Bennet one is going to be called Kenni Emmett Bennet known as Junior, I think that it’s only right the eldest is named after his dad and Baby Bennet two is going to be called Teddy Caleb Bennet after his grandad and uncle.” Both my dad and Caleb have tears in their eyes.
“Luci I’m honoured.” My dad comes over and kissed me on my head followed by Caleb.
“I love you sweetheart.” He announces, standing next to the bed.
“Love you too dad.” One thing that’ll never change.
We all waited in my room for snippets of information about the boys. After a couple of days I was discharged and logically I knew I needed to heel myself so I could be at my best for Junior and Teddy for when they eventually came home.
They are still in special care and would be for a while yet, I’ve been going in daily and sitting with them and expressing milk, they are both gaining weight on a daily basis. Work was completely understanding and I started maternity leave early.
I heeled completely after a couple of weeks. The house was all ready to move into. I spent my free time ordering furniture for us all. I registered their births and as I had my marriage licence I was able to record Kenni as the father in his absence which I was happy about.
The day I got to hold them both for the first time was the happiest day of my life, they were still quite small but to me they were perfect. From early tests it seemed that everything was ok, we just had to wait for them to put on weight and get bigger.
I started properly breastfeeding them when they were four weeks old. I faced a daily battle with myself whether I should contact Kenni or not, eventually deciding each time not too. I was fortunate that I didn’t get any stretch marks and with the worry and not eating properly, I lost any excess baby weight quickly.
The weeks passed and we got the go-ahead to bring them home and as agreed with my mum I took them home to my parent’s house for the first two weeks which to my mum’s horror passed surprisingly quickly. My house was all ready to go and I couldn’t wait to get in there and start my life with my two handsome men.
Kenni
The holidays have passed with no word from her, I thought she might have rang on Christmas day? Clearly not. I’m fortunate that things on the ranch are busy cause it’s keeping me from thinking about her. I have a business trip in New York coming up, that’s going to be hard to go to without thinking about her. What am I talking about of course I’m going to think about her?
Chapter Fourteen
It’s fair to say life is pretty manic with two boys, I have some help from my mum but she works full time. I decided after a couple of weeks of being at my own house that it would be good for me and the boys if they go to nursery a couple of mornings a week.