“Luci what you have to understand about the mini-pill is it has to be taken every day at the same time, there is not really much movement for error with this pill. I notice from your notes you recently travelled to America, did you allow for the time difference when taking this pill? This could explain how it happened.” And just like that the lightbulb goes off in my head, how could I be so stupid, of course I didn’t allow for the bloody time difference, I just took it each morning when I woke up, as I do when I’m at home.
“Bloody shit, what the hell am I going to do?” Again I see a glimmer of humour in her eyes, I am obviously not the first person to freak out at such news and I most definitely won’t be the last.
“That is actually my next question, what do you want to do? There are several option available to you, obviously the biggest decision is whether you want to keep it or not.” My thoughts instantly go to Kenni and I know I could never get rid of anything that brings me closer to him, my mind is instantly made up.
“I’m going to keep it.” She smiles a very genuine smile and nods her head in obvious approval.
“I knew you’d say that. So I’m going to book you in for a scan ASAP, hopefully we can get you something for this week, Friday is the only day they scan for outpatient appointments in town, leave it with me and someone should contact you tomorrow about an appointment.” She begins tapping away writing my notes up and I take the hint and make my way out thanking her in the process.
When I get to my car I sit in the driver’s seat and stare into space, thinking about everything. I can’t believe I’m pregnant with Kenni’s baby, this definitely throws a spanner in the works.
I eventually head home to my family and freeze when I get to the front door, will they know? Should I tell them? I haven’t processed it myself yet and I can’t deal with their questions, I make the decision to keep it to myself for now.
I don’t think anyone suspects anything as I go about my usual business, the evening passes by quickly before everyone is heading to bed. I once again have a fretful night’s sleep and can’t help but feel guilty.
After showering in the morning I attempt to put my trousers on and am instantly disheartened, it’s literally like now, I have confirmation. I have suddenly sprouted a bump overnight and my trousers don’t fit, I manage eventually to find an elasticated pair of black harem trousers that will have to do.
At lunchtime I check my phone and see I have a answerphone message from the hospital, I am booked in for a scan at 10 o’clock on Friday morning, this puts me in a dilemma with work as I either have to admit my predicament to my boss or go sick again.
Thinking that they can’t fire me for being pregnant, I opt for honestly and admit my predicament to Beth who is surprised and strangely elated when I tell her she is the first person I have told, she assures me she can cover the morning whilst I’m there no problem, so I feel better about going.
When I get home from work my mum is suspicious because there was a missed call from the hospital but when she phoned back they wouldn’t give her any details and were evasive with her which I am glad of, she lets it drop and no more is spoken on the subject.
Friday comes by so quick, as my appointment is at 10 o’clock. I don’t have to go to work but I opted to go in and do my registration, so as not to arouse suspicion from my parents. I was a little early for my appointment and was a little restless when she eventually called me in.
I panic when I realise the scan is a trans-vaginal one, but I’m brave and soldier on realising I’m having a baby so I’m going to lose my dignity in child birth anyway.
I lie there looking at the screen trying to make the grainy images out after she clicks a few times, she starts to click a little quicker and then starts freezing images on the screen, eventually she turns to me and says the words to me I know I’ll never, ever forget.
“Congratulations you’re having twins, from my measurements I’m going to say you’re a little under nine weeks along.”
“Holy fuck!” Kill me right fucking now!!!
Kenni
Seven weeks and still nothing. I shouldn’t have called her, I felt bad for shouting at her but damn if I don’t want to jump on the next flight and drag her beautiful ass home. I need to have patience, which I must admit is something I’m lacking.
Chapter Twelve
To say I freaked was a bit of an understatement, I am currently sitting crouched over on the edge of the hospital bed, trying to get my breathing back under control.
“I appreciate this is probably a shock for you.” The sonographer looks up to me with pleading eyes which are currently begging me not to freak out anymore.
“Yes you could say I’m a little shocked.” I manage to squeak at the poor lady
“If you’re ok now you can head on out, I’m running a little late now. Here’s a couple of pictures for you.” She hands me the two pictures of my babies, babies as in plural, as in I’m having two fucking babies.
I manage to keep myself together until I’m outside in the carpark, reaching for the handle on my car I sit down in the driver’s side and then everything pours out of me, every emotion. I picture my baby’s daddy, who they won’t ever know.
I picture having to tell my family my news and once again see the disappointment roll over their eyes. One thing I do know 100% is that I am keeping them, even if I have to do it all on my own, I am doing it.
I had pretty much got myself together by the time I arrived back at work, which was just a little before break time. So I made myself a coffee and head to the staff room as my classroom is currently in use. People start drifting in and then eventually the bell goes as I stay in my own little dream world.
I’m not sure what people around me were discussing or whether anyone directly spoke to me as I headed back out of the staffroom when the bell rang again signalling the end of break. I didn’t actually have another lesson until after lunch, so I have a break now and then I have to do an hour in the isolation room. Checking my emails I note there wasn’t anyone in isolation today, so I technically had the next two hour to stew on my news.
Around half an hour later Beth, my boss walks into my classroom. She looks at me with concern and expectancy, I look at her and shake my head, reaching into my handbag for the ultrasound pictures and I show them to her.
“This here is my baby.” I point at the first splodge on the picture.
“And this is my second baby.” Pointing at the second splodge.
I hear her loud intake of breath, before she clutches a hand to her chest, looking at me again.
“I’m fucked.” I admit loudly, then apologise for swearing in front of her.
“What the hell are you going to do Luci?” She asks with genuine concern, I contemplated whether I should be having this chat with her because she is after all my boss, well line manager at least. But when I look deeply into her eyes I see she’s genuine and I knew at this moment in time she was my only confidante.
“I’ve already decided I’m keeping them, I could never get rid of them if they make me feel closer to their daddy. I just need to get my head around things that’s all.” She shakes her head in acceptance, looking conflicted but ultimately she knew that it’s my decision and didn’t call me out on anything.