By the time a knock sounds out above my head, my ass is numb and my stomach growls for food.
I sigh, stand to my feet, and pull the door open. I have no idea who it is, but quite frankly if there’s a guy standing at the other side with a gun ready to put a bullet through my head so he can rob the place then he can have at it for all I care.
“Willow?” My brows pull together at the sight of her standing there with takeout in her arms and a soft expression on her face.
It’s not unusual for her to be here, hell, she and the boys have been here more times than I can count. But why now? Why today?
“Thought you might be hungry,” she says, lifting the bag in case I hadn’t already seen it.
“Come in.”
She immediately makes herself at home, pulling plates down from the cupboard and dishing up the food.
“I brought this too,” she says, holding up a bottle of vodka.
“Great, can we just have that?” I mutter, sitting on the couch with my elbows on my knees and my head hanging pathetically between my shoulders.
“Nope,” she announces happily, making me groan.
“Here. You look like shit, you need to eat something.” She thrusts a plate at me, forcing me to sit up and take it. The smell makes my stomach growl loudly, so loudly that it makes her laugh before the words “I told you so,” slip from her lips.
“Whatever,” I mutter, grabbing the fork and diving in.
“So...” she asks, joining me on the couch with her own plate.
“So...” I counter, really not in the mood to talk about anything but fearing that she’s not going to let me get away without. Why couldn’t it have been one of the guys who came with food? None of them would give a shit about how I’m feeling right now. They’d just let me get drunk and forget it all.
“You let her go.”
“Yeah, she needed to go home.”
“Yeah, I know that, but home isn’t what I’m talking about, Ash.” She pins me with a look that tells me that she knows exactly what I’ve done.
“You’ve spoken to her?”
She shrugs, guilt passing over her face.
“Fucking hell.” I should have known those two would get along, team up against me.
“I may have found her on Instagram and sent a message or two, yeah. She’s home safe, by the way, in case you were wondering.”
“I wasn’t,” I lie.
“Sure.” She raises a knowing brow at me before going back to her own dinner.
The silence is deafening but it’s better than the kind of conversation she wants to have with me, so I’ll take it.
Sadly, it doesn’t last, and not a second after Willow slides her empty plate onto the coffee table does she curl her feet under her and turn my way.
“She cares about you, you know that, right?”
I don’t respond and it pisses her off.
“For fuck’s sake, Ashton. That girl could well be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”
“You don’t even know her,” I point out.
“No, maybe not. But I know you.” She narrows her eyes at me. “The way you look at her, the way you are with her. She’s different. And—” she quickly adds before I get a chance to say anything. “Don’t even think about lying to me.”
“I... I...” I stutter, trying to come up with something to say.
“I’ve watched you with all those other sluts, Ash. I’ve seen the way you look at them, treat them as if they’re nothing more than a toy for you to play with. That was not how you looked at her.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I spit, panicking that she’s touching so close to the truth.
“Like fuck I don’t. Pushing her away isn’t going to help anyone. Least of all you right now.”
“How do you know what I need right now?” I bark, not thinking any better of it.
“Nice, Ash. Real fucking nice.”
Guilt swamps me as tears fill her eyes. “Fuck, I’m sorry, Low. I didn’t mean.”
“I know, I know,” she says, pulling herself back together. “I get it, Ash. I really fucking do. I also know that you don’t need to be alone right now, especially not when you’ve got a girl desperate to support you.”
“Yeah, well... she shouldn’t. I’ve been nothing but an ass to her since we met. I’m pretty sure these past few days were just a sympathy vote because I was grieving. She let me—”
“Seriously, Ash. You really believe that?”
No. “Yeah, what else is there. She hates me, and the feeling is fairly mutual.”
“Riiight. You’re a fucking idiot, Ashton, you know that?”
I shrug.
“So what’s the plan?” she asks, finally steering clear of any conversation to do with Ruby. “The rent must be up on this place soon.”
“End of the week,” I admit. I’ve been trying not to think about it. This place was our life and now I’m supposed to empty it, get rid of all our stuff like it means nothing.
“Okay so...”
I shrug again and it gets her back up. “Stop it. Stop trying to act all nonchalant. It doesn’t fucking suit you.”
“I’m just trying to get through this, Low. I don’t know how else to fucking do it.”
“Where do you want to start?”
“What?”
“Where do you want to start? Her bedroom? Get the most painful bit done first.”
A chill runs through my body at the thought of going through all of Mom’s stuff and getting rid of it all. Low must see my reaction because she reaches out and takes my hand in hers.
“It’s okay, Ash. I’ll help with whatever you need.”
I hold her eyes for a few seconds. “You’re a good friend, Low.”
A small smile twitches at her lips. “I’m glad you think so because something tells me that you need one right now.”
I blow out a long breath before reaching forward and downing whatever drink it was she made me.
“I’ll get the trash bags.”
I push from the couch, taking both our plates through to the kitchen before grabbing the bags and the bottle of vodka and walking to Mom’s bedroom door without putting much thought into it.
The thought of doing this alone terrifies me, but having Low here... well, it makes it that little bit better.
I push the door open and walk into the room, letting the scent that still lingers fill my nose.
Fuck, I miss her.
I sense Willow come to stand in the doorway behind me and I turn to look at her.
A sad smile plays on her lips as she stares back.
I appreciate her being here so much right now, but I can’t help wishing she were someone else.
“You’re wishing I was her, aren’t you?”
My lips part but no words pass.
“It’s okay to want her, to need her, Ash. It’s also okay to be scared. Focus on this, get the apartment sorted and then once you’ve had a few days to process everything, go to her. Talk to her. Be honest with her. Show her what’s really in here.” She taps two fingers to my chest above my heart before wrapping her arms around my shoulders and holding me tight.