How much more should I really say?
“Maybe you can make it better between us, be the link that brings us back to what we once were. Or maybe nothing will come of it and you’ll turn around and leave without once looking back, I don’t know. I just thought you should know why I changed my mind. Because I wanted to be selfish and I didn’t want to hurt Aeron any more than he would already suffer knowing that you were with me.” She leans her head on my shoulder and I sag beneath her weight. Not that she weighs a damn thing, but still.
“Thank you for telling me, but I’m scared of what it means that you are. You’re leaving, aren’t you?” Her hand cups my face, and I lean into her touch.
“Sir is forcing my hand, but this won’t be the last time you see me, Tiny One. Believe me, he will not be getting his way, not this time.” I sound so fucking confident, if only it wasn’t all pretend.
“What does he want, Tuck?”
“He wants me to marry Rachel,” I force out and her hand flies to her mouth as she gasps.
“No.” Her tears are falling so fucking quick, and I can’t keep up with them. Every single one I wipe away, another three takes their place.
“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not marrying that manipulative little bitch. I just need you to look after yourself and not step on anyone’s toes. Please, Luna, do not rock the boat. I need you to make it through this year.” I stroke the side of her face and she sobs lightly as she buries her head into my chest.
“I’m scared for you, Tuck. I just want you to be okay,” she mumbles against me as I stroke the back of her head.
“Don’t be, Tiny One, I’ll be just fine. Just, look after Maddox for me, okay? He’s the real reason I came back, he was scared of what Shane would do to him, so he asked me to help. I failed, I know that, but it could have been a lot worse.”
“I’ll look after him, I promise. I’m really going to miss you,” she chokes out as she lifts her head to mine.
“One last favor,” I say as I brush my lips against hers.
“Anything,” she whispers against me.
“Say no.”
She steps back and looks at me with her brow furrowed.
“When the year ends and they dish out their proposals, say no. Don’t get engaged, Luna, please.” I feel vulnerable as fuck right now, as my heart beats frantically against my chest.
“Why?” she whispers.
“Because I still want you to be someone that I can count as mine.” I step away and leave the room. She never gave me an answer, but maybe it’s better this way.
Hope is better when there’s no definitive answer, and I really need to focus on the shit show I’m about to walk into. Welcome to my fucking life.
When Freedom Doesn’t Taste so Great
Luna
He’s gone, he’s actually gone. I wish I was hurting because I was simply missing him but I know the truth, it’s because he’s had to go back to her. If he loved her then fair enough, but he wants to go there as much as I want him to. I couldn’t even bring myself to ask him what this means for me now. Am I released? Will I be claimed by Tom?
“Are you okay?” Aeron asks as he pokes his head through the door.
“I’m fine, I’m not the one who’s being made to do something they don’t want to do…” Okay, yeah, I hear it.
“You’re kidding, right? This whole experience is about that for you. You are surrounded by assholes and hypocrites. All you ever do are things we demand. Can you really say you made those choices willingly?” He smiles slightly as he walks closer, and he sounds a little dumbfounded. I am too.
“I know, but I expect it. I’m still finding it hard to believe that you guys aren’t the princes of the world. That you don’t get to live the lives you choose, but why are you hypocrites?” I ask, as I stand up and close the distance between us, until we're standing toe to toe.
“We expect you to be honest with us and to answer every question we ask. You’re not supposed to keep secrets, yet that’s all we do. Honestly, the best thing you can do is take the money you earn and walk away. You’ll be so much better off without us.” He shakes his head before he storms out and I don’t have a chance to say anything back as I hear the cabin door close.
What is up with these guys and doing this to me? And why does it feel that everyone is giving me the same piece of advice? Is it really for me, or is it for them?
Well, now I’m stuck in his cabin with nothing to do. Because like hell am I stepping outside and risking running into someone. Thallon, Scott, Simon, just to name a few. I could get lucky, but this is me and I haven’t exactly had the best of luck. Not when it comes to running into the Harkwrights.
I could have a little snoop around, but that isn’t me. I’d feel so guilty, I’d tell him, and it would just be a vicious cycle that would feel unending. Maybe it’s safer for my sanity to just sit on the sofa and wait for him to come back. Damn, maybe Tucker should have left me with someone else, I thought Aeron was okay with me now, but I guess I just misread the signs.
I walk out of his room and drop onto the sofa. So many thoughts are running through my mind, but I can barely make sense of them. They’re all just getting tangled together in a web of confusion and I don’t even know where to begin. Tucker. Emmet. Tom. Aeron. Darius. Sir. My family I have and the family I can barely remember, bar a few disjointed dreams. And then straight back to Tucker until they’re playing out in a loop.
Tucker may think there's a way out of his proposal to Rachel, but has Sir ever been beaten at his own game? It seems to me that he never loses, and he always gets what he wants. Other than Selene, but then again, she ended up dead.
Fuck, I can’t seriously be thinking Sir is to blame for that, can I? Of course, but it isn’t possible. Just because they can get away with, well, murder at the Academy it doesn’t mean it can happen out in the real world as well. Even if he does have a hand in almost every pocket around, even he can’t be better than the law. Or am I being naive? Placing too much faith in a system that seems to let us down constantly. Damn it, I hate feeling and thinking like this, I just want one day where things feel easy.
Like at the theme park. Until I went and wrecked it. Yeah, until that happened. Right, clearly I can’t process the whole Tucker/Sir fiasco, what about the others? And what about Darius? Then again, we haven’t really spoken since he asked me to put that tracker in my shoe, and then D nearly died. I think he’s safer being left in the back of my mind until I have to deal with him. But I will, unlike Cole, I couldn’t push him aside if I tried. Yet another reason why I know I did the right thing by Cole, even if he couldn’t see it.
I mean, surely it’s better to feel a little pain over rejection early on, then to be led on and ultimately cause more pain between us both in the future. I hope he’ll see that one day, because he isn’t a bad guy. I know he said some shitty things, but I can’t hold it against him, maybe I would have done the same thing myself. Although, more than likely, it would have been in my head where only I could hear it, but the point is still valid.