It makes me nervous just thinking about it.
The rest of dinner went by smoothly. I stayed quiet most of the time, and I did manage to clean my entire plate that I planned on not ordering. Collin did grin at that. I watched him closer than I had before. There are differences, aside from him being cleaner cut than Chris, and more manicured than Cal, he is extremely articulate. He’s also attentive. I catch him watching me on more than one occasion, though catch may be the wrong word because it’s not as if he was doing it in secret. I feel like all of his actions are deliberate and not without thought. He is polite and extremely well-mannered. Cal is all confidence and cockiness, he could give a shit about who liked him or not, and that came with a sort of arrogance, but Collin is different. There’s an air to him—the type that comes with people who grew up with money—that realizes the world is watching them. I could lie to say I’m not fascinated by it. How there are resemblances of both Chris and Cal that I caught that those two don’t share.
Our ride back home is quiet, and this time instead of news radio he listens to smooth jazz, which surprises me.
“It helps me think,” he says aloud as if reading my mind, “and I remember that you enjoyed it too.” I glance at him and close my eyes. I remember the last time he was here, he said that he knew a lot. From him ordering for me at dinner, he obviously knows a lot about me, but he knows details, facts, and history. He doesn’t know me… I’m more than just a list of facts. But I know better than to underestimate him, what he knows and doesn’t know. I slip off my heels that seem smaller since the last time that I wore them. I try to remember when that was. It was with Cal when we went to elegant restaurants that used to excite me when we first started dating. The upscale restaurants never stopped, but I valued our alone time more than being out when things started to crumble with his so-called “business trips” as he referred to them back then.
“Can I ask you a question?” my voice is quiet and void of any resentment or sarcasm. I see his eyebrow lift ever so slightly.
“Of course.”
“You said earlier that you missed Caylen. Is that true or…”
“I don’t have a reason to lie to you, remember I don’t have an agenda.”
I frown a bit. “Everyone has an agenda. I’ve learned that the hard way.”
“Well, mine doesn’t need you to be in the dark or require you to believe anything other than the truth.”
I fight the urge to tell him that I don’t believe him, but I realize that isn’t going to get either of us anywhere.
“I want to ask you something, and it might not go along with your “agenda,” but I think it would be good… for all of us.”
I wait for him to give some type of indication, or tell me that he’s ok with my question but he doesn’t.
“And you don’t have to answer yes or no right now, but I hope that you’d consider it.” I tell him reluctantly, and I see a small smile break on his face.
“Okay,” he says.
“I think we should go back and stay in Michigan with Mrs. Scott for a while,” I blurt out quick and look away from him once I say it. I think back to the time before I knew about his condition when I knew something was wrong. I had no clue and had asked him to go back to Raven’s with me. I remember thinking how much was riding on his answer. How much I needed him to say yes to give me faith back then, and how I knew if he said no that we were hopeless. This time it’s different. Now I know the truth. Now things have changed so much, and we’re both different people. This man is new and different, and in a way, I feel at his mercy. I know that Collin is set on taking over the Crestfield name and all that goes with it. I think he mainly wants money, and maybe the prestige. I can see Cal going along with that plan, but Chris definitely wouldn’t want any part of it—well the Chris I knew wouldn’t—but the Chris I saw last wasn’t anything like the Chris I knew.
“I know you’re trying to take over the Crestfield Empire and what not,” I say trying to keep the sarcasm and disdain out of my voice.
“I only want what’s owed to us. I’m securing financial stability not just for us but also for Caylen, and for Caylen's children. After everything, we’re owed that,” he says evenly.
“I understand, but can you do that remotely for a little while?”
“I will let you know.”
The rest of the ride home is quiet and when we arrive Collin gets out and helps me out of the car. Even though I don’t need it, he makes sure to open every door for me. He’s gallant, but distant. I’m tired, and the wine from earlier hasn’t entirely worn off, so I head upstairs and strip out of my clothes and fall across the bed. I think about everything that’s happened over the past few days and exhale. I grab my phone and see that I have a ton of missed calls and texts from everyone including Mrs. Scott, Raven, and Mr. Scott. I decide to write a mass text to all of them letting them know that I’m okay and will call everyone tomorrow. I edit it to add ‘we’re’ okay.
I wake up to see Collin standing in front of me, fully dressed but this time in a tan sweater over a white-collared shirt and khakis. He looks like a model straight out of Ralph Lauren.
“If we’re going to get to Madison before noon, you should probably start preparing. I’d prefer an early start.”
And just like that, he leaves the room. I rub my eyes and to make sure I’m not dreaming I pinch myself.
Chapter 22
Lauren
I sleep most of the ride back to Madison. I want to make sure I’m well rested so that I won’t be tired when I see Caylen. I called Mrs. Scott and told her that we were coming, and thankfully she seemed better than the last few times I’ve talked to her. I can’t begin to imagine what is going on in her heart or replaying in her mind. If Cal had done to me what Mr. Scott had done to her, I don’t know what I would do. My eyes glide over him, thinking of how many times I’ve made this ride, with Caylen, alone, with Chris, with Cal. Where my thoughts were then, where they are now, how things have changed so much. Not just for me but for his entire family. How broken things are for all of us.
“Do you think it would be better if we didn’t tell her who I am?”
He’s been quiet the entire time I’ve been up. “What do you mean?”
“For Gwen. After everything that’s happened, maybe this isn’t the most appropriate time for you to introduce us,” he says in a joking tone.
“God I haven’t even thought about that.” I rub my temples, feeling the stress coming on again. I don’t know when would be the appropriate time to say, ‘Hey, Chris has checked out again, and this is Collin, another one of his personalities.’ Not only that, I’m pretty sure that no one’s told her about what has happened over the past few days. It will be a shock for her to know that her son is really Dexter Crestfield Sr.’s biological son and that he pulled a gun on the man he thought was his father. I don’t know if she’s even speaking with Mr. Scott yet. It would be so much easier for Collin to be Chris, for her to get the comfort of normalcy. My eyes glide over Collin. He’s wearing a white button-down collared shirt, pushed up slightly below his elbow and slacks. I don’t know if he could even pull Chris off dressed the way he is.