“Mr. Litman is a great dad, isn’t he?” she asks, and I can’t contain the grin that covers my lips.
“He is. A very good man.”
Silence fills my office, and I try so hard not to look at her, but I do, and I instantly regret it. Willa’s eyes are suspicious and intrusive as she says, “I saw you two kiss the other day.”
I look away, feeling not the least bit guilty but caught red-handed. I forgot that she could have seen that. I was hoping she had been in court or something. I direct my gaze to hers. “Okay?”
“Okay,” she repeats, her eyes hooded in a very judgmental way. “I have to say, I think that’s a very bad idea.”
I raise a brow. “That can be your opinion, but honestly, it’s none of your business.”
“You do realize he is in the middle of a custody battle and doesn’t need any distractions.”
“I am well aware of his situation, and he is too. What we are doing is our business.”
“I feel as though you are compromising my case.”
What the hell is she talking about? I look at her in complete confusion.
“And I take offense since you’re supposed to be not only my colleague, but my friend.”
“That’s not the situation at all. What I do outside of this office is my business.”
“True, when it’s not my client,” she insists. “He doesn’t need to be distracted. And then I’m worried he’s using you—”
I scoff at her claim, which makes her glare. “He is not using me.”
“He wants to keep his child, and it looks better if there is a female presence.”
“He doesn’t need anyone or anything to prove he is a wonderful dad. He is dating me because he wants to be with me.”
She shakes her head slowly. “So, you are dating?”
“Again, I feel like a broken record here, but it’s none of your business.”
“I feel like I need to go to Feliciana about this.”
I scrunch up my face. “You’re going to our boss because I am dating your client?”
“Yes. It’s against policy.”
“No. It’s against policy to date a client you are representing. I don’t represent him—you do.”
“But you counsel me, and I don’t need anything jeopardizing my case.”
Now, I’m getting pissed. “I counsel you because you are my friend. And may I remind you, you wouldn’t have him as a client if it weren’t for me. I knew him before this case, but if you feel you need to take this to Feliciana, please, be my guest. I’m doing nothing wrong, and I refuse to be accused of doing so when I’m not.”
“I shouldn’t be having this conversation with you at all. But it’s not only all the points I’ve already brought up. It also has to do with your race.”
What the hell? I’m so taken aback, my voice is squeaky. “My race?”
“Yes. Please hear me out,” she says, clasping her hands. “You are a black woman. He is a white man with a white child. What—”
“Let me stop you right there,” I announce, holding up my palm. “You will not bring that racist bullshit into my office.”
“I’m not being—”
“Then why are you bringing my race and his into this? It doesn’t matter what color either of us is. We are all the same, and you making that kind of comment is one of the biggest issues in this world.”
Her eyes are dark, anger swirling in them. “You won’t even let me finish my point.”
“Because I don’t want to hear it. It’s bullshit.”
“You are being very selfish, and if I lose this case, it’s going to be your fault.”
When she stands, I do the same. “For one, Willa, you won’t lose this case because it’s a slam dunk. You’ve done the work and so has he, so just close it. But a word of advice—and this will be the last advice I give you. Ever,” I say, my voice dropping an octave. “I will not be threatened by you, nor will I stand for you attacking a relationship I’m in when you know nothing about us or our situation. You will never speak of my race again, and if I ever hear about it, I will turn you in to HR. I am appalled by this behavior, especially when I have been nothing but supportive of you. I want you to win, not only for Kirby and Celeste but for your career. Unlike you, I don’t look at skin color or anything like that. I look at the potential, and you have it—as long as you keep race out of it.”
She is speechless and, I can tell, guilty. What did I expect? She’s young and Southern. It’s nothing new, and I’m sure she expected this to go a whole other direction, but I will not apologize for how I handled it. I have been disrespected worse than this in my life, but man, this is one slight I won’t forget. A good second passes with her not saying anything, so with a nod, I say, “Good talk. Now get out of my office.”
She wants to say something, I know she does, but she makes the right choice and leaves my office.
I take a deep breath in, letting it out in a rush before I sit back in my chair. I swallow, looking out into the reception area, willing myself not to cry. I won’t give her the satisfaction, and I will not think I am in the wrong. I’m not. I am trying to find happiness with a damn good man.
In no way, shape, or form do I believe he is using me as just a female presence in Celeste’s life. That is downright ridiculous. Kirby isn’t the kind of man to use anyone. He’s been hurt; he wouldn’t do that. I know that. No matter how much my past relationship wants to rear its ugly head and twist me into believing it to be true, I won’t allow it.
When my phone sounds with a text, I am thankful for the interruption to my wild thoughts. I pull it out of my back pocket to find it’s a photo from Kirby. With the ocean behind her, Celeste is sitting in the sand wearing a sweet little purple bathing suit and laughing happily. I can’t help but grin, and my heart fills with such joy at the sight of hers. When I read the caption, though, my heart stops dead in my chest.
Can’t wait to see you. We miss you.
We. I don’t know why that simple word makes my stomach churn with anxiety. He loves his child so much, but what if being with me makes him lose the case? What if I am a distraction and he drops the ball? Neglects his fatherly duties, or his ex uses our relationship against him? What if me adding to that we messes everything up? I am a black woman, he is a white man, and there are more people out there like Willa who will see an issue with our relationship. Never in my life have I cared about that. I believe that all people bleed the same red blood, but I don’t want to screw this up for him. I refuse to be ashamed of my race or his. I am proud, but I don’t want Lilly to win somehow when Kirby is such a great dad to Celeste.
My mind is going a mile a minute, and I can’t shake this feeling that I am making a mistake getting involved with him. Given the warnings from Aviva and Nico, and now Willa, maybe I should listen. Maybe I should walk away.
I can’t be the reason this man doesn’t get to keep that bundle of perfection in his life.
But as I stare at the picture, his words, I don’t think that’s fair.
Fuck.
I lay my head on my desk, feeling dizzy from the whiplash of my feelings. One minute, I’m confident in us, knowing damn well I’m ready to open up. And the next, I’m wondering if I should text him and tell him maybe we shouldn’t do this.