He softened as he looked at her. She was afraid of losing his friendship; that was clear.
“Always, that never changes. I just need to process. We’ll talk,” said Noah comfortingly.
Jessa nodded, the tears quick to come as she realized she didn’t know when she’d next see him.
“Don’t cry, please. It hurts so much to see you cry,” Noah said, caressing her cheek.
She managed a smile. “I’ll miss you.”
“I know. I’ll miss you too,” said Noah.
They looked at each other for a moment, and then Noah gently hugged her.
“I’ll talk to you soon,” he said.
“I hope so,” said Jessa.
“I will,” said Noah. He kissed her forehead softly and left.
Jessa sat there for a while, her head in her hands as she thought of the mess they’d both made. Yet she’d wanted it; she loved him. She didn’t know how it had happened. Married for ten years and suddenly she’d cheated with her best friend.
Noah went to his place, bewildered and horrified that their friendship would be affected by what had happened. Her friendship meant everything to him. He mulled over his reaction. Anyone who truly felt only platonic love would have stopped it. So, why hadn’t he? The realization hit him like a ton of bricks...because it wasn’t platonic. This couldn’t be possible. She’d been his best friend for thirty-two years. They were forty years old. She was married for goodness’ sake. Yet somehow this had happened. He hadn’t stopped it; he’d allowed it to happen. He’d enjoyed her kisses; he’d enjoyed her touches, and he had allowed it to go as far as it had. They’d had sex; there was no other way to say it. Twice. Their deep friendship had been rocked to the core due to their thoughtless actions. How could they allow it to happen? How could he be in love with her after so many years? Yet as he thought back and took the time to analyze his feelings, it was there. He was in love with her. A crazy thought, yet he knew it to be true.
Jessa couldn’t go back to sleep, so she busily washed the sheets, made the bed in the guest room with clean sheets, and threw away the empty wine bottles. Looking at the guest room from the doorway, there was now no indication that last night had happened at all. She went to the bedroom, bursting into tears and falling into a restless slumber.
Waking up later, she was hit with reality again. Whenever she needed support, whenever something happened in her life that she needed to talk about, her first call would be Noah. She couldn’t call him now; this was something she’d have to deal with on her own.
She was startled when the doorbell rang, and she went to see who it was. She signed for a delivery of purple and white tulips then closed the door, looking down at the bouquet she held. The bouquet was huge; there were easily over twenty tulips. She pulled out the card, seeing Noah’s familiar handwriting wishing her well for the performance the previous evening, telling her she would be amazing and how much he believed in her talent and creativity. He signed it, Your Biggest Fan, Noah.
She smiled softly, chewing on her bottom lip as she considered what to do. Before everything that happened last night, he’d told her he was upset she didn’t receive them before the show and that he wanted to know when she got them. But she couldn’t exactly call and thank him right now, not with the way things were.
She settled on a text message: The tulips are beautiful, thank you so much! I love them.
He responded just moments later: I’m happy to hear you got them, you’re welcome. I am so glad you love them!
She put her phone down, sighing. She imagined they would have been enjoying some time together catching up today instead of spending it this way. She couldn’t exactly ask him to have lunch with her when last night they’d essentially ruined their friendship and her marriage all at once.
“HI, JESSA. DO YOU HAVE time to talk?” Noah asked as she answered his call.
“Yeah,” said Jessa, heading into the room she used as a home office and closing the door.
“How are you?” asked Noah.
“I’m okay,” Jessa said.
“I saw the critics absolutely loved you, just as I knew they would. Congratulations. I am so proud of you!” said Noah.
“Thank you. I am really happy with how it all went; my bookings are increasing every day,” said Jessa.
“You deserve that; you are so talented,” he said.
“Thanks,” she said with a smile.
“Is Logan back?” asked Noah.
“Yes, he got back yesterday,” said Jessa.
“All normal?” he asked quietly.
“I don’t know. I’ve made sure I’m extra busy. I’m hardly here,” said Jessa.
“Why?” asked Noah.
“Guilt I guess?” she said.
She knew this was a lie. Of course she felt guilt; she felt horrible for what she’d done, but she and Logan had also checked out of their marriage months ago. It just existed now, rather than being something real. There hadn’t been intimacy for some time. They were both just too busy to sit down and talk about it. Her marriage was important, and she’d never considered cheating. But she’d cheated with Noah, not just physically but emotionally. It was Noah she wanted, but this wasn’t possible. And so, she kept herself busy. As busy as possible to forget what she’d shared with Noah.
“I guess,” echoed Noah quietly.
“What about you? Are you okay?” asked Jessa.
“I’m okay,” he said. He wanted to tell her how much he missed her, but he knew that wasn’t appropriate. They’d done enough already.
“So...we should try to forget this happened, just go back to normal,” he said softly.
“That would make the most sense,” agreed Jessa. “I don’t want our friendship to be awkward.”
“It’s fine, Jessa. It’s okay. You’re too important to me; I will always be there for you,” Noah said.
“And I’ll be there for you,” she said, having melted at his words. “We should probably talk about it though, about why,” she added.
“It’s not necessary,” he said quickly.
“We’re best friends; we should be able to talk about it,” said Jessa.
“I don’t think it’s necessary—we just mutually agreed to forget it happened, and we should leave it at that,” reasoned Noah.
“Okay,” said Jessa. “We’ll leave it at that.”
Noah nodded, even though she couldn’t see him. Only he’d know that he was in love; he wouldn’t tell her. He’d hide it. It would be best for everyone.
“It’s for the best,” he said.
“For the best,” agreed Jessa, her mouth dry as she tried not to feel the pain and distance of not being able to have him close.
“So, how is the prep for the World Championships?” asked Jessa, hoping to steer the conversation away to something normal.
It worked. He animatedly told her about the preparations and the progress of his teams and told her he’d just been booked to choreograph for a large stage production.
“Oh, wow, I am so proud of you, Noah,” said Jessa.
“Thank you, I always know you are,” he said with a smile.