“Okay, I’ll go sit,” said Noah.
They heard footsteps, and Noah squeezed Jessa’s hand before striding over to the back of the room and sitting down.
She resumed the class, and he watched her work with the students proudly. He was glad for the distraction; he knew he had to have the courage now to tell her more about his feelings. He just wasn't sure how his revelation would be received.
CHAPTER FIVE
After Jessa wrapped up the session, Noah joined her as she got ready to go home.
“I live in a different apartment now,” she said quietly as they walked downstairs.
“Oh, is it okay? Is it in a good area?” asked Noah.
“It’s nice,” said Jessa, nodding.
“Safe?” asked Noah.
“I haven’t seen any unsavory characters about,” said Jessa, laughing.
Noah chuckled. “Well, tell me if you do.”
“Do you want to go there?” asked Jessa.
“Sure,” he said. “I’d like to see it. I expect a full tour.”
Jessa smiled, and they headed down to where Noah had parked. Jessa had taken public transport to work that day, so they got in, and Jessa directed him to her new place.
“Nice,” said Noah as they pulled up in front of a modern apartment building.
“I thought you’d approve,” Jessa said with a smile.
“I am just five minutes from you here,” said Noah.
“Yeah, your place is close,” said Jessa.
They parked and got out, Noah taking Jessa’s gym bag as he always did. He’d been carrying her gym bags for years. She unlocked her door when they got to her floor, and Noah looked around interestedly.
It was sparsely decorated; it was still a work in progress for Jessa, but it was already quintessentially her. Clean lines, white with splashes of color here and there.
“I still have some work to do,” said Jessa as she gestured around.
“It looks great, Jessa,” said Noah.
“So...” He didn’t voice the question, merely looking at her apologetically.
“I’m getting a divorce,” Jessa said. “We already put the initial paperwork in.”
Noah nodded. “You okay?”
“I’m fine. It’s been over for a while already; we just hadn’t made it official,” she said.
Noah bit his lip, looking at the ground for a moment. He still felt guilt over it; he’d always got along well with Logan after all. It was only recently that the haze of jealousy had him desperately hoping that her marriage was over.
They sat down in the living room, a bit shy as they looked at each other.
“Do you mind if we order in for dinner? I don’t have much I can offer you; I haven’t had much of an appetite,” Jessa said apologetically.
“Jessa...I don’t mind. I’m worried about you,” said Noah.
“It’s okay, I’m okay,” she said softly, looking down at her lap.
“You’re not, I know you’re not,” he said.
He reached for her hand, squeezing it.
“This is...scary,” admitted Jessa, looking up at him. “I am going to be responsible for keeping our baby alive, healthy, and taken care of,” she said, starting to become tearful. “My body’s been taken over, and I’m so sick all the time...”
Noah caressed her cheek, wiping away tears.
“I am so sorry,” said Noah. “It’s a lot, and I’m scared too, but I’m more worried about you. This is going to be much harder on you; you have to do so much.”
“I know, and it terrifies me. How the heck do I even give birth?” asked Jessa, looking horrified.
“Hey, that’s the last bit. One day at a time. Let’s focus on keeping you happy and healthy first,” said Noah soothingly.
Jessa nodded, wiping some more tears away.
“You really decided it was worth it...for me?” he asked quietly.
Jessa looked at him, holding his gaze. She looked into the hazel pools, eyes she knew better than her own after so many years. She nodded, more tears running down her cheeks.
“Women look for a good man to have kids with, right? Someone they can depend on, who’d make a great dad. I know neither of us has any clue what we’re doing, and we didn’t plan for this, but who better than you? I know you’ll always be there for me. And for our child,” said Jessa.
Noah looked at her emotionally before wrapping her in a tight hug.
“I’ll always be there for you, and the baby. I am always going to be here,” Noah said into her neck as he held her close.
“So I guess our lives are turning upside down,” murmured Jessa as they parted.
“Yeah. But are you okay, Jessa? I am not satisfied yet that you are. I don’t know how to make this better,” said Noah.
“I don’t know. I’m scared. I’m sick of feeling sick, and I have a long way to go. It’s a lot to deal with,” she said.
“It is a lot, and you amaze me. You’re so brave, Jessa,” he said, stroking her hair.
“I need to talk to you...there’s still so much we haven’t said...” said Jessa, looking unsure. “I need to understand where we are.”
“I want that too,” said Noah. “I have so much I want to say to you.”
He took her hand, squeezing it and not letting go. “No matter what, I’ll always be there for you; I’ll always be your best friend,” he said, his eyes on hers.
“I’m glad,” said Jessa. “I hope you will be...even after you hear this,” she added quietly.
“Hear what?” asked Noah.
“The why. I should start,” she said nervously.
Noah was uncomfortable but tried to focus on her words rather than his nerves.
“I never thought it would happen, but it did, after all this time,” Jessa said carefully.
He nodded, indicating for her to keep going.
“I realized something was happening when I found it so hard to say goodbye to you lately. It’s not like me to get all emotional, but I did. Every time it ended in tears. Because I’ve been missing you a lot, more than a platonic friend misses a platonic friend. Because somehow, I...I fell in love,” said Jessa.
Noah stared at her, his mouth dropping open. She couldn’t blame him for being shocked; she knew it was a lot to take in.
“I don’t know why or how; I just know how I feel, and I get it’s all messed up. I’m in love with you, after so many years. I’ve gone over it in my head. I’ve tried to make sense of it, but the only thing I know is that I love you. I’m sorry.” She’d said it all rather quickly from nerves, but she was blushing profusely and terrified of his response.
Noah was still staring at her, amazed at what he was hearing. He struggled to make his mouth form words, and it broke his heart to see Jessa become tearful again. He knew he had to speak, and she’d likely be just as surprised about what he had to say.
“Don’t be sorry. Something happened to me too...I’m in love with you. I hadn’t realized, not until that moment that I couldn’t have stopped because I didn’t want to. Because deep down I loved you, and I hadn’t realized how much," he said.