Jessa could tell he was smiling, and she smiled too, feeling an ache in her heart because she didn’t know when she’d get to see that smile again. On FaceTime didn’t count. She needed to see it in person.
Hanging up with the promise to talk again soon, it was a relief to have acknowledged what had happened, though clearly, they hadn’t wanted to acknowledge why. Little did they know it was far from over.
CHAPTER THREE
Five weeks later
When Jessa woke up it was still dark, and she looked at the time. It was close to four a.m. For a few seconds she couldn’t work out what had woken her, but then she bolted up from the bed, running to the bathroom. Leaning over the toilet bowl, she violently lost the contents of her stomach. She sat back, wiping a hand over her clammy forehead. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so sick. She ran through what she’d eaten the day before in her mind, but nothing jumped out at her.
She groaned, splashing water onto her face and brushing her teeth.
Logan was sound asleep as she entered the room again. She didn’t get back into bed; instead, she went to the living room, pulled out a soft blanket, and wrapped herself in it, settling down onto the couch. The nausea was still there, and she wondered how long she’d last until next time. She hoped it would be long enough to let her get a few hours of rest.
In the silence of the early morning, Jessa let her eyes close and her mind wander. It had been a few days since she’d spoken to Noah. They had FaceTimed while he was working in Spain with a contemporary dance company. Things were relatively normal. There were a few awkward pauses as they looked at each other, and one or the other would quickly cover by coming up with a different conversation topic. It was okay; they could deal with it. She was sure with time that the awkwardness would dissipate, but there was still the “why” that she had been willing to discuss, and Noah hadn’t been. She drifted off to sleep and woke in the morning, finding that it was almost eight a.m., and Logan had already left for work without waking her. She dragged herself into the shower, trying to face the day when she felt so ill.
She could only pick at her food at dinner that night, having had a rough day dealing with the nausea. It had been a few days feeling a bit off, and while she hadn’t really thought much of it, now that she could barely keep anything down, she wondered if she had the stomach flu. She told Logan she wasn’t feeling well and went to lie down, wanting an early night.
The next morning, she was vomiting again and couldn’t face the thought of going into work when she felt so sick. She called in sick and made a doctor’s appointment, hoping the doctor could give her some medication. After running through her symptoms, Jessa was startled when the doctor asked her the date of her last period.
“I use an app to track that, haven’t even thought to check it lately,” Jessa said with a laugh. She quickly checked the app, her mouth dropping open. She was ten days late.
The doctor pulled out a cup. “You can take this in the adjoining bathroom,” she said.
Jessa stared at the test. “Come on, I’m forty. I’m not pregnant. My husband and I didn’t want kids; we made that decision years ago now,” she said. She laughed, though it came out a little strained.
“You’re still young enough. Take the test and then we can rule that out,” said the doctor.
Jessa went into the adjoining bathroom, filling the cup up. It only took about twenty minutes for results to come back.
“This test is positive,” said the doctor. “You’re pregnant.”
“This is crazy,” Jessa said, horrified.
The doctor gave her some information and gave her a lab form for a blood test, and Jessa sat there, shocked. Her first thought was to terminate. The next realization hit her hard—Noah. They had slept together five weeks ago now, and although she was on birth control, they hadn’t used any other protection. She thought back to the last time she’d been with Logan; it had been months. Noah was the only possibility.
“Oh my gosh,” she murmured aloud.
The doctor looked at her, noting the shock on her face.
“Is there something wrong?” asked the doctor.
“No...no. I am just surprised, that’s all,” Jessa said quickly.
Jessa was unable to believe what had happened and what she now had to tell Noah. Whatever she decided about terminating, he still needed to know. He was still her best friend and a man she loved very much, so she could never hide it.
Jessa knew she needed to decide soon about terminating; she couldn’t allow too many weeks to pass. It was the best option; neither she nor Noah wanted kids. They’d both actively avoided having any. Their schedules were crazy, and there was no room for children. She was a dancer, and her entire livelihood depended on her ability to dance. Plus, they were forty and dealing with an unplanned pregnancy. Yet there was a niggling thought to go ahead with the pregnancy. Because no matter what, this was Noah’s child. Their child together and it would turn their lives upside down.
Jessa knew that when Logan found out, he’d know immediately that she’d had an affair. But she had no choice but to tell him; she couldn’t pretend it hadn’t happened. She considered not telling him at all, and he wouldn’t know if she terminated. She could go to the appointment on her own, or with Noah, and then stay at a hotel to recover. She shook her head at the thought of all these lies to cover her tracks.
It was fortunate that Logan was away again; he was consulting on a project in Dubai and would be gone for a few weeks. She spent the next few days holed up in her apartment, leaving only to attend a few workshops that she struggled through and declining to FaceTime with Noah. She didn’t want him seeing her paleness. She spoke to him on the phone briefly, feigning all was well.
Jessa had gone through all of this without talking to Noah about it, and she missed him. Had everything not been so complicated, he would have been the first one she called. But now, she had a very difficult conversation to have with him too. And over the phone at that. She decided to say it and allow him the chance to process it before she made any decisions. He had the right to have a say as the father.
She called him, checking the time first and dialing his number.
“Hi, Jessa, how are you?” he asked, happy to hear her voice.
She hadn’t wanted to FaceTime with him, and he was worried. He hadn’t pushed her though, happy to just speak to her.
“Hi, Noah,” she said quietly.
“It’s so good to hear your voice,” he said. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too,” she said softly. “It’s great to hear your voice too.”
“Do you have a minute?” Jessa asked haltingly.
“What is it?” Noah responded, aware of how nervous her tone of voice was.
“Will you be around here at some point?” she asked.
“I’ll be back in a couple of weeks.”
“Because I need to tell you something,” said Jessa.
“You can tell me anything,” Noah said, worried.
“Something happened, and decisions need to be made. Although I’d prefer to speak to you in person, I need to say it now,” said Jessa.
“What happened? Are you okay?” asked Noah, the concern evident in his voice.