“I’m okay, but something happened,” Jessa said softly.
“Tell me,” he said worriedly.
“Oh, this is really hard,” said Jessa, stalling.
“Take your time,” he said, wondering what had her so nervous.
“Okay. I’m...I found out...I found out...that I’m pregnant,” said Jessa, stumbling over her words in her anxiety about telling him.
There was a beat of silence on the other end of the line, and Jessa said nothing, waiting.
“What?” asked Noah. “I thought you didn’t want any kids, Logan too.”
“I don’t. This is completely unplanned and a shock at my age,” said Jessa.
It took Noah a few moments to realize the timing. He was surprised, knowing Jessa had actively avoided it. In fact, he was pretty sure she’d told him at one point that Logan had had a vasectomy. That’s when he paled.
“Oh my gosh,” said Noah.
Jessa knew then that he’d done the math. “Is there a possibility it’s not Logan’s?” he asked, his voice sounding strained.
“There’s no possibility that this baby is his. We haven’t... you know...in months,” said Jessa quietly.
She heard Noah’s loud exhale and knew he’d realized he was the father.
“You’re the only possibility,” she said, just to make sure.
Noah was silent again on the phone, and she didn’t try to fill the silence, knowing he was shocked.
“This is crazy. I don’t want any kids either,” said Noah finally.
“I know that. I never wanted this,” said Jessa.
“Does Logan know?” asked Noah after a moment.
“No,” Jessa said, shaking her head.
“What are you going to do?” he asked.
“I don’t know. I’m considering my options,” she said quietly.
Noah let out a breath he’d been unconsciously holding. “So, what are the options?” he asked.
“Terminating is one. I’m thinking about that,” said Jessa softly.
“It’s best for all of us to terminate,” Noah said. “For you, me, and Logan.”
“That would be the easiest option,” said Jessa. She bit her lip, knowing he’d be horrified at her next thought.
“When are you getting it done?” asked Noah. “I’ll be there to support you, of course.”
“Then there’s the other option,” began Jessa.
“Which is?” he asked.
“I kind of want to think about keeping the baby,” Jessa said quietly.
“What?” exploded Noah.
“You don’t need to be involved if you don’t want to be. I am not forcing anything on you; it’s bad enough this is forced on me now. I need to look at all options. Although it’s not the easiest option, and it’s a terrifying option, it’s still yours. Your baby. I don’t know if I can get rid of your baby,” Jessa said tearfully.
“That is a terrifying option, but, Jessa, the only option that allows you to save your marriage is to terminate,” said Noah.
“I know that, Noah. I know,” said Jessa.
“But?” he asked, starting to feel frustrated.
“It’s not that easy, okay? It’s not you who has to do this, it’s me,” said Jessa.
Noah sighed, softening. “I know that, I know. I’m so sorry you have to go through this,” he said.
“Noah,” began Jessa.
“I can’t tell you what to do, Jessa. But you know what the easiest option is. The only option that makes sense for this situation,” he said.
“I still have to think about it. I just wanted you to know,” she said.
“Jessa,” sighed Noah. “Let me know when you think this through. Neither of us wants this; you know what makes the most sense.”
“I get it. I know you don’t want this,” said Jessa.
“No, I don’t,” he said, sounding harsher than he intended.
Jessa felt the sting of his words and held back her emotion.
“I get it. Thanks for the talk,” she said, annoyed.
“Jessa,” he began, not having wanted to upset her.
“I have to go,” said Jessa. “Bye, take care of yourself.”
She barely gave him time to reply before she hung up, bursting into tears.
The conversation had not gone well at all. Noah was angry at her, the prospect of his life changing too much. It was a prospect she also couldn’t imagine. They could put the baby up for adoption, but the moment she thought it, she knew she wouldn’t be able to do it. If they were going to have a child, she wouldn’t be able to knowingly sentence him or her to a life in an orphanage or foster care. They were both well off enough that they could have a nanny if they wanted to preserve their lifestyles.
She was angry at Noah’s response; she’d expected better. However, she realized he was shocked and understood he needed time to process what she’d told him, so she let him be. He didn’t contact her either, and she got angrier as the days passed.
Jessa knew she had to have a difficult conversation with Logan as soon as she decided she wasn’t going to terminate. Because it was Noah’s child, and she loved and missed him. She just couldn’t do it. She loved him too much, and despite the circumstances, she was willing to become a mother. For this child, Noah’s child. She could do it because this was Noah, and she knew that regardless of his initial reluctance, he’d never not be there for her.
CHAPTER FOUR
She cooked dinner for herself and Logan, and he was going to go into the study to do some work straight after dinner, but she delayed him, telling him she wanted to talk. Logan sat down on the couch, looking at her expectantly.
“I need to tell you something,” began Jessa.
“Okay,” he replied.
“I went to the doctor because I’ve been sick,” said Jessa.
“I know. I’m glad you saw the doctor. What did they say?” asked Logan.
“I’m pregnant,” Jessa said, closing her eyes rather than seeing his reaction.
There was silence, and she opened her eyes.
“Pregnant,” said Logan. “Well, it can’t be mine. Who did you cheat with?” he asked, eyeing her with suspicion.
“It’s not important,” mumbled Jessa.
“I know this,” said Logan, indicating between them, “hasn’t been working lately. Months probably, I haven’t counted.”
Jessa nodded.
“You’ve been having an affair?” asked Logan.
“No!” said Jessa immediately. “This...it was a one-night thing,” she said, biting her lip.
“Guess you have to be really unlucky to get pregnant from a one-night stand,” said Logan. “Who was it?”
Jessa sighed. It was a testament to how little of their marriage remained that they were discussing this in such a clinical fashion. There wasn’t much anger; there wasn’t much emotion at all. She imagined her next words might cause some anger though.
“Noah,” she said softly.
“Noah?” asked Logan, his eyebrows shooting up. “Are you serious? You’ve known him how long? A one-night stand with Noah, of all people?”