Damn.
“Don’t talk shit about her again,” Jasper said, quiet warning in his voice. “We started talking because she needed the lessons for her job. The site wants her to do a Miz Poppy reveal and then start doing video reviews. The dating stuff happened naturally.”
Mostly true.
“Wait, she’s going to do a reveal?” Fitz’s expression lit like he’d gotten what he wanted on Christmas morning.
“Yeah, that’s the plan. In a week or two. I’m helping her get ready for it.”
“Jas, that needs to happen at your show,” Fitz said, voice brimming with excitement. “Let her be a guest star. She can get the whole thing on video to submit to the NOLA Vibe or even live stream it. You can promote the show as having Miz Poppy as a special guest. That will get people out there. People want to know who she is. It’s genius.”
Jasper shook his head. “No way. I’m not asking her to do that.”
“Why not? It could help you both. She gets her reveal done and has you there to help her through it. She and her website get publicity. You and your group get publicity. Your potential investors get to see the whole thing. Wins all around.”
Jasper couldn’t let the idea creep into his mind. The amount of buzz that could generate would be killer. But asking Hollyn to get onstage was asking too much of her. She’d made a ton of progress with their lessons and the videos they’d been practicing with, but it was still just her and him. Being in front of a bar full of people, revealing herself as Miz Poppy. It would be a lot. “I don’t know if she’s ready for that kind of thing. She was going to do her reveal on video, but not live in front of others. The option for multiple takes and editing are important to her.”
Fitz gave him a look, clearly undeterred. “Ask her. Tell her you’ll be there with her every step of the way. I’d bet she’s capable of it. She just needs a little encouragement to take the plunge. It could be her graduation from your lessons.”
Jasper let out a sigh. Hollyn was capable in theory. She was great when she forgot the camera was there and had a good time. Her tics were still there, but he had a feeling people would get used to that as part of her if she gave them the chance. She even had a bit of a knack for improv. In so many ways, she’d be the perfect special guest. But the last thing he wanted to do was push her too hard too fast.
“Or maybe that’s part of it?” Fitz pinned him with a look. “Maybe you don’t want the lessons to be over. You sure you’re not holding her back just to keep her needing you, Jas?”
Jasper reared back like he’d been hit in the face. “Are you kidding me right now? What the fuck, man?”
Fitz lifted his palms in a don’t-kill-the-messenger motion. “I’m not trying to be an asshole, but I’ve been there. It’s nice when someone needs you for something, when being around them makes you feel like the big man. Especially when you feel completely out of your depth in the rest of your life.” He ran a hand over the back of his head, a grim expression crossing his face. “I was in a relationship for two years with that setup. She was in a bad marriage and needed someone to make her feel good and worthy. I didn’t know what the hell to do with my life, and she made me feel like I was her savior. But in the end, we were just each other’s crutch. I know it feels good to be helping Hollyn, to be the guy she can lean on. But is it really about her or is about you trying to repair all the holes your ex and LA poked in your ego?”
Jasper wanted to punch something, possibly his friend, but the words were seeping into him like acid in open wounds. Was that what this was? Was he feeling all these things for Hollyn just because she made him feel better about himself? Made him feel like he wasn’t a fuckup?
“Shit,” he said under his breath.
“If you really want to help her,” Fitz said, voice gently prodding, “get her to do this. Then you’ll both be able to walk away with something good out of it.”
Jasper’s anger deflated and a bone-deep weariness replaced it. He rubbed the spot between his eyes. “I’ll talk to her.”
“Excellent,” Fitz said, a smile coming into his voice. “I have a good feeling about all this, Jas. You make this happen, and you’ll get your theater. I’d put my money on it. Just think, in a few months, you could be debuting at your own place. No more pouring coffee. No data entry for your future brother-in-law. Just you and your group headlining and doing what you love.”
The image was too much to wrap his head around. Was he really that close to that reality? No more drifting around from shitty job to shitty job, hoping for a big break. No more depending on auditions. A real career. His own business. “You really think it could happen?”
Fitz gave him a serious look. “I know it can. But you can’t half ass it. That’s why I’m twisting your arm to put everything you have into this showcase. You’re only going to get one shot with these investors. Hamilton this motherfucker, Jas. Don’t throw away your shot.”
Jasper’s eyebrows went up. “Did you just throw a Broadway reference at me?”
Fitz leaned back in his chair, pleased with himself. “I contain multitudes.”
Jasper laughed. “No doubt.”
“So, we good?” his friend asked, a rare tentative note in his voice.
Jasper scrubbed a hand over his face. “Yeah, man. We’re good. I’m ridiculously appreciative of everything you’ve done. I can’t believe you made this happen.”
Fitz nodded. “I helped, but you’re the one who’s going to make it happen. You and your Miz Poppy.”
Jasper let out a breath. “Right.”
“Don’t look so stressed. If this girl cares about you, she’s going to want to help you out, Jas.”
That was the problem. He knew Hollyn would want to help. But if he truly cared about Hollyn, if those feelings from the other morning had been real, he wouldn’t ask her to do this. He wouldn’t push her to do something she probably wasn’t ready for. The fact that he was going to anyway proved what Fitz had accused him of—his feelings for Hollyn weren’t real. This was another one of his performances—one so good, he’d convinced himself. But in the end, he’d only been propping up his wounded ego. Using her. A fucking rebound.
As Jasper headed out of Fitz’s office, he felt nauseous. A few nights ago, he’d told Cal he wasn’t using Hollyn. And he’d promised Hollyn he wasn’t one of those guys asking her to do his homework for him. But he was about to drop a big damn assignment in her lap. Pushing her onstage wasn’t going to benefit her.
It was all about him.
His dream. His plans. His ambition.