“You’re perfectly capable of deciding the direction of your life’s path. I’d never tell you what to do. Love is not the only path for everyone. For some it is, yes. But not all of us are wired like that.”
Daisy sniffed back the congestion from her tears. She felt like lying down next to Kate and putting her head on the pillow. She began sobbing for Kate. She loved Kate’s ability to cling to life despite the pain she was in, and what she was going through. She hated what her family was going through. She ached for AJ in losing this lovely woman. What would AJ do? Daisy always believed AJ lived for Kate’s love. She wept for Asher and Cami. And the grandkids. All of them. But right at that moment? Daisy was sad for herself.
Being understood so well by Kate was both epic and heartbreaking. Kate’s son suffered because Daisy sought another path in her life. Her guilt in leaving Asher and River’s End never left Daisy. She gave up something others would give their life for: love. When a woman was dying and realized she was losing and leaving everything she loves, perhaps that’s all that matters?
But there were other things that Daisy wanted more. She needed to pursue her ambition to work in a field that stimulated her. Spending the day figuring out a complicated legal strategy left her satisfied in a way nothing else could. That also mattered to her now.
Of course, she had to abandon something important and unique, perhaps even irreplaceable, in order to do so. And worse still? Asher encouraged her to go because he knew how important it was and recognized it as something vital to Daisy.
“You did. You gave up your good job and big city for love.”
“Honey…” Kate’s voice deepened as a dry hack interrupted her. Daisy instantly grabbed the water glass and handed it to her. Kate drank through a straw and gave it back to Daisy. “I was thirty-five years old and saw the chance to make my mark, to expand my horizons. I did it all the way I chose to do it until the end. I always needed my own outlet and voice. That was just me. Luckily, AJ could handle that. He was a big enough man to allow me to blossom. I know you appear soft, kind and more girlish in your demeanor, but Asher recognized the steel in your spine and he respected it. Asher knew you had to become the woman you were meant to be. He recognized me in you. We are just packaged differently. You always seemed familiar to him.”
Daisy failed to realize that connection to her and Kate before. The truth slammed into her heart. “You don’t think I need to grab love while I can? Life is not really that short? Even now? Oh, God, I’m so sorry, Kate…”
“Daisy, I’m dying. There’s no denying it. We all are. The difference is most people don’t have expiration dates. I just try to allow others to process it. Being real, on the other hand, is something I value more and always have. Yes, life is short. But no, I have no regrets. Not the business I built or the financial gains I made, or marrying AJ and having the wonderful kids I was blessed to raise. It’s your life, Daisy, not mine. Even lying on my death bed doesn’t mean I can tell another person to sit at home and love someone. Even if that’s all I have left to do with my life. I hate to hurt the ones who are losing me. That’s the hard part. The guilt rips me up. I want the peace of a life well-lived with no regrets and all that, if only I could avoid tearing out the hearts of AJ, Cami, and Asher.”
“And mine. Like so many others. Oh, Kate… you’ve been the coolest aunt all this time and especially with me and Asher…”
She squeezed Daisy’s hand. “I just wanted you to know I’m glad he loved you. If that never develops any further, your relationship with him will allow him to never settle for less than what you two had and felt. I want success for my children in their jobs and lifestyles but also in their relationships. Sometimes just having the goal makes it happen. I don’t mean successful as far as earning money, but in the other valuable things they acquire from it all. You know?” Kate’s feeble voice was barely audible as she whispered softly.
Tears flowed from Daisy as she listened to this indominable woman, who now appeared to be so weak.
“I think I know. Or I’m learning.”
Kate smiled faintly, closing her eyes. “Stay well, Daisy Rydell and always be yourself. You are a joy to me and everyone who knows you. Don’t ever lose that.”
Goodbye? Kate was saying goodbye to her. Fuck. No… NO.
More tears came as Daisy sniffled and wiped her face with one hand. She clung to Kate’s hand with the other. “I won’t. I swear.”
“Be happy in whatever you do. And realize that your happiness will change over the years. There is no permanence to it. Maybe try to find some satisfaction from all you attempt in life. The highs and lows will fade along with the times of happiness and grief. But feeling satisfied with yourself? That’s what I wish for all my kids.”
Daisy gulped at the knot in her throat. “Including me? Am I one of your kids?”
She gave a small nod. “Yes. Always. Avoid guilt in whatever you do with your life. Go big, Daisy.”
Daisy cried harder when Kate seemed to drift into unconsciousness. Leaning against the bed, she let her tears fall, sniffling and finally experiencing her grief fully. She knew what Kate meant, and it wasn’t the biggest house or fattest paycheck. She meant for Daisy to go big in whatever she chose to do. Go big towards life every day. In every way. Just as this woman so eloquently lived her life. Kate was exactly as she preached. As authentic as the sky was blue. No one else came as close to the truth as Kate did.
She wondered how Asher could endure losing her?
When Daisy finally gathered herself together, she left Kate’s bedroom. She slipped from the house, unable to face AJ or Cami, who were always there. She texted them that she left and Kate was sleeping.
Then Daisy went home to her mother.
When her mom opened the door, Daisy fell into her arms and cried some more. Of course, Allison Rydell didn’t ask why. She knew and cried with Daisy. Kate was one of her best friends in the world and had been for almost four decades.
Everyone cried because Kate was a pioneer on the ranch, part of its backbone for decades. She arrived when Shane and Allison, Ian and Kailynn, Joey and Hailey and of course, Jack and Erin were the only adults on the ranch. Jack was losing his sister, and Daisy witnessed him crying, rarely, but openly.
Everyone grieved.
“I can’t do this. How can Asher? How can I help him?” she gasped against her mom’s neck.
“Just be there for him. Hug him. That’s all. Just be there.”
“Even though I don’t live here? And Kyomi will be there. As she should be. We aren’t… I’m not coming home to live, Mom.”
“Oh, Daisy, I know. I don’t expect that.”
“My life isn’t here anymore.” Maybe it’s not right now? She wasn’t as positive as she felt before Kate got sick. No, her doubts plagued her. But still, there she was.
“No. And you deserve the chance to live where you are.”
“I just can’t help Asher.”
“None of us can. He has to get through it. Like Cami and her boys. It’s awful. Like me too. I love that woman…” Allison shuddered and tears overcame her as well. Daisy hugged her to offer her comfort.
“We’re too close. All of us here. There are too many of us and it’s inevitable that life will take some of us and everyone will hurt each time. So much. Young or old. By sickness or accident. It sometimes makes me want to curl into a ball and hide under my bed and never come out,” said Daisy.