So, last night we’re all enthralled playing together. The sound is great, the rhythm just right, and all of a sudden it was just the drums and the bass. Nothing else. We continued playing, letting the notes flow from our souls, to our hearts, to our instruments.
It was almost like it had been back when we first met and lived together. As if no time had passed and we still knew how to blend notes and read each other’s next move.
We could’ve played all night, except he stopped us. It might’ve been because he had work to do at the flower shop early today or because it was too intense. I choose not to look much into it.
Today, we’re at Hannah and Alex’s place. We agreed to meet here at one after Zeke was done with his shift at the flower shop. I brought pizza for lunch. They are in charge of dinner.
“You know what we need?” Hannah says.
“More pizza?” Zeke asks as he’s picking up the empty boxes. “There’s nothing left for dinner.”
“Alex is grilling some steaks.”
“I am?” Alex groans, not moving his gaze from the screen. He’s enthralled playing a video game with Tucker. Since I’m trying to avoid Zeke, I’m sitting on the furthest couch from everyone, working on an article that’s due next month.
Hannah glares at him. She actually glares at him like a mother would to a spoiled teenager. “Yes, you agreed. It was before your friends came over with a new prototype game.”
He finally looks up from the screen and frowns. “Who are you again, lady?”
“You’re not funny.”
He hands the remote to Zeke and saunters toward her, picking her up and kissing her loudly. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“It’s just that…this is a new game. Not even my brother has played it. I can tell him all about it and see him cringe with envy.”
“Ugh, men. You give them a controller, and they forget their own name,” she complains, pushing him slightly. “Go play with them. I’ll just sit with Mr. Workaholic over there.”
She makes an entire production of sitting next to me, then she says pretty loud, “So, this isn’t awkward at all.”
I glance at her and shake my head. “Leave it,” I breathe the words so quietly maybe she doesn’t hear.
“It was better when I lived in ignorance,” she states. I’m not sure what she’s doing, but I have a bad feeling. Then, she continues, “Now, I see it. You two can coexist without the other.”
She’s wrong. I’m half living, but that’s something I’m working on fixing from the inside out. It’s probably some kind of codependency on a part of myself I’ve been denying. I, of course, ignore her.
“Did you know that he’s back in school?”
I don’t react because I see what she is doing. She’s trying to do what Hannah does best, fix problems. There’s nothing she can do to fix us. We’re too broken.
“Who is going back to school?” Tucker asks, not moving his focus from the monitor.
“I did, last January,” Zeke responds, almost growling.
He knows what Hannah is doing. I try to act normal, so I obviously ask, “What are you studying?”
My question comes out almost at the same time Tucker says, “So you can finally claim the money your parents left you.”
I look up, wondering if that’s his end game.
Zeke rolls his eyes. “It’s a teaching degree,” he answers without looking at me.
“That’s… Why? Wouldn’t it be easier to finish your business degree?” Tucker asks, confused. “I could hand you half of the company to handle.”
Zeke bounces his shoulders. “Business isn’t for me. I found my calling. It’s teaching. It all started when I was in rehab. I began tutoring people just for fun. It’s something that comes naturally to me. I’ve been working at the academy when I’m not in the flower shop, mostly as a substitute teacher. Ainsley Decker told me to get myself a teaching certificate so she can give me my own classes. I decided to get a master’s degree in teaching.”
I frown, curious. “What do you teach?”
He looks at me—more like he glares. We have a rule. We don’t speak to each other, but how can I ignore him when I want to learn more about him.
“Music, obviously,” he sneers.
That’s not what I meant, and he knows it. It’s as if someone asked me, “What do you write,” and I answer, “Words.” I don’t want to fight with him, but can he at least pretend, like I do?
“You could be hooking up with the single parents,” Tucker suggests. “Mr. Hutchence is going to be the heartbreaker of the academy.”
“Can you think about anything else but sex, Tuck?” Hannah protests.
“I’m just giving him a few ideas on what to do with his spare time. If I was here, I would be his wingman—or he’d be mine.”
“Instead of chasing women, why don’t you guys come with us next weekend to Steamboat?” Alex proposes, finally turning off the game. “It’s Hannah’s first ski lesson.”
“Aww, Hannah’s first time. I wouldn’t miss the play by play,” Zeke teases her. She flips him the finger.
“I’ll be there,” Tucker agrees, then turns to me. “It’s okay with you, right? Instead of staying in Denver, we’ll just drive up to Steamboat with them.”
Since Tucker was my excuse to skip next weekend, I can’t say no.
“Sure.”
“Dude, hold the excitement,” Alex says. “You don’t have to go.”
Hannah takes my hand and says, “You’re going.” Then, she looks at Zeke. “I understand you two have issues, but can you fix them? It’s painful to see the two of you together. It’s like…I don’t even know what to compare this situation with.”
Tucker frowns. “What are you talking about?”
Zeke exhales loudly. “I need a fucking drink.”
“No, you need me to leave,” I say, shutting down my computer.
I give them a sad smile. This might be the best time to come clean. I’m going to step back and leave the group.
Tucker glances at me suspiciously. “Eth?”
“It’s nothing to worry about. I fucked up our friendship a few years ago. He’d rather not see me,” I pause.
It’s hard to vocalize years of deceit. How do I admit this? Disclose that the guy who was once the yin to my yang stopped being such years ago.
“For years, we pretended to get along just as we pretend that the other isn’t in the room when we’re together. We do it for the sake of the group, but maybe we should stop.”
Tucker looks at both of us and then hits his forehead with his palm. “I knew there was something weird, I just…” He pauses.
“You chose to ignore it,” Hannah ends his sentence. “Once you see it, you can’t unsee it.”
Tucker looks at me. “You can’t leave. We’re a family. Can you fix your differences? I mean, Zeke is not the same guy you hung out with a few years ago, let alone a year ago. He’s changed a lot.” He scratches the back of his neck. “It’s the same with you. Since you started to go to therapy and came out of not only the closet but your shell, you’re not the same either.”