Have you realized that during all your firsts, you bust your ass?
There, I couldn’t hold that one.
I’m not contacting you to discuss your illusions. As I told my therapist, I don’t plan on discussing what can be when it never was. With time I might be your friend. We’re not in that place, though. I keep dealing with my emotions, but honestly, the anger just remains there, waiting for you to fuck up.
Did I fuck up during our time together? Sure, but I guess that’s what happens between ordinary couples. If we had acknowledged who we were to each other, this discussion might be different.
By the way, Kaden told me that he never paid for my rehabilitation. When I contacted the center, they told me Mr. Killion did.
Thank you for finding the right place for me. I owe you for taking care of me even when I was the biggest asshole in the world.
Later,
Z
P.S. Put some ice on your ass and try to avoid dildos.
From: EDK <[email protected]>
To: ZJH <[email protected]>
Subject: Austria
Why would you tell Alex that we can ski in Austria 365 days a year?
He knew that, but he had forgotten about it. I can’t go skiing twice a month. At least my ass isn’t wiping the snow like it happened the first two times.
What’s your secret?
You haven’t snowboard, surfed, nor skied in your life. I need some tips or one of these days Tucker is going to drop me at the kid’s club before you guys go skiing.
By the way, Hannah mentioned you’re moving out of her parents’ house. Do you need help finding a place? What is it that you’re looking for? There’s an apartment in my building that vacated last week. If you want, I can put in a good word for you. It’s close to the university, the academy, and…well, it’s an option.
If you need help moving let me know. I know a great moving company.
Love,
Ethan
P.S. Can we skip next week’s trip? You can suggest a beach to change the scenery.
From: ZJH <[email protected]>
To: EDK <[email protected]>
Subject: No shirt, no shoes, no trips.
Do you know what’s hot?
Bare chests, low riding jeans, and bare feet.
When you requested that we go to the beach, I thought no. Just because I don’t like you, it doesn’t mean I don’t find you hot. You’re a tasty treat, which made me think that rafting, hiking, and biking would be safe.
Who knew you’d be shirtless for most of the trip? Not me, or I’d have said let’s stick with Austria forever. I am not planning on going to Oahu.
Here’s the problem: I will not, would not, go back to having some kind of friends with benefits relationship with you. I am also not ready to hook up with anyone during a vacation—or at home.
In conclusion, change the plan for my last week of summer before going back to school.
Zeke
P.S. We could all go to Luna Harbor.
From: EDK <[email protected]>
To: ZJH <[email protected]>
Subject: Shirtless is the new black
I wish I could apologize about the trip to Oahu. I won’t. Those new tattoos on your back are hot. I don’t have a problem staring at you wearing nothing but your swimsuit while tanning. I called it an early birthday present.
Stop complaining about the new plan. We are going to travel to sunny, warm places, at least until it’s ski season. Now, can you explain how it is that you can surf? I could barely stand on the paddleboard. Yet, another reason to go to the ocean more often. I’ll be surfing and snowboarding like the rest of you by the end of the year, or my name is not Ethan Killion.
Love,
The Tasty Treat
P.S. Luna Harbor is not up for discussion. That’s our place.
From: ZJH <[email protected]>
To: EDK <[email protected]>
Subject: The secret is in your core.
You might ask, why does he keep saying, “Find your balance.” I sound like Yoda or a young Mr. Miyagi.
“Your balance you must find.”
Can you keep a secret?
I practice meditation and yoga daily. If you ever tell Hannah, I’ll get Clint to dispose of your body. Anyway, there’s a studio close to HANNETH tower where you can go at least every Wednesday night to start your training. It’s easier than flying to a beach every weekend. As much fun as this is, I can’t afford it. I’m a starving student.
Zeke
P.S. Since you won’t be Ethan Killion by the end of the year, can I choose your new name? We can bring Willie B. Hardigan back again.
From: EDK <[email protected]>
To: ZJH <[email protected]>
Subject: Need a job?
There’s an office with your name on it. If anything, I can make you my meditation-yogi specialist.
Not what I was emailing you about. So, I went to this yoga for beginners’ class thinking that I could take it. It should be easy. What the fuck, man? People are twisting their limbs like pretzels and standing up on their elbows.
I have the grace of a drunk monkey. That’s not a beginner’s class. I’ve never felt so useless in my life, and I was kicked off of the football team because I couldn’t throw a freaking ball straight. Can you teach me yourself?
How’s school going?
Love,
Ethan
Chapter Fifteen
Zeke
Once Ethan was able not only to come out of the closet but say out loud that we dated, things between us changed. It wasn’t only that weekend, but all the emails we exchanged since then. It’s becoming a habit to check my old email daily to see if he’s written something new.
Since then, we can be in the same room and interact with each other. We’d also stopped walking on eggshells. I doubt it’ll ever be the same as it was when we first met. It’s okay, though. At least our friends feel more comfortable. Hannah confessed that she was afraid we’d make them take sides.
She is team Sinners, so that would’ve broken her heart. It’s a norm for the four of us to hang out almost every weekend. Well, the five of us since Hannah and Alex are a package deal. I like the guy. He seems to think that we love skiing, snowboarding, and sometimes surfing. I’m better at surfing than he is. He drags us almost every weekend to a different place on the planet. There’s always a mountain with powder ready to be ridden.
It’s strange that we’re all close, and none of us misses Rocco. I confess that it’s a relief not having him around. I love the guy, but being around him was exhausting. He had more trouble with his sobriety than I did. We also feed off each other from our issues. To top it all off, I feel guilty about Brooke’s death. That’s today’s theme at my therapist.
“Why are you taking responsibility for someone who wasn’t your sister?”