The timer buzzes.
“Well, that’s our session for today. Is there anything else you want to discuss that we didn’t cover?”
“No, but thank you for asking.”
“If you need me, just call, and we can squeeze you in the schedule.”
“I will.”
Chapter Sixteen
Zeke
Rocco is what Ethan likes to call bad news.
He’s not a fan.
I didn’t see it back then, but now I understand. Ethan has had to work hard for everything. He hates when people just expect to get things handed to them without having to work at all. Rocco is a great example. He knows how to work the system and his friends. We always do everything for him, no matter what.
One weekend, Tucker can’t come home, so it’s just Ethan, Hannah, Alex, and myself. For some reason, we start reminiscing about our beginning. Alex can’t understand how one video pushed us to stardom. It wasn’t the video. It was the song.
“That’s a good break-up song,” Alex confesses.
Hannah narrows her gaze and looks from me to Ethan.
“Leave it,” I order. “It’s Saturday, and my therapist isn’t available to take my calls this weekend.”
“But it’s about him, isn’t it?”
“Are we going to be discussing which song is about who?” Ethan asks. “I can tell you that ‘Get Lost’ is about Rocco. In case you ever wondered.”
“What?” Her voice is a squeak. “That’s the one about the loser that should get a clue and get lost.”
I arch an eyebrow. “It wasn’t about me?”
Ethan scowls at me. “Why the fuck would I do that? I’d never ask you to get lost or call you a loser. I wrote it the time when he used Geddy Lee to put out the fire he started on the bus.”
I lower my head and shake it. “Poor Geddy, I still miss him.”
“He didn’t apologize,” Ethan rants. “He could have used his guitar. Geddy was special.”
I look up at him and smile. I gave it to him.
Alex yawns. “Though this trip down memory lane was good, it’s time for us to go to bed.” He looks from Ethan to me and says, “We have plenty of guest rooms. You should stay.”
“Do you mind if I use your piano?” I ask. “I’m not sleepy.”
“Sure, suit yourself,” Hannah says. “Have a good night, boys.”
I make my way toward the music room and start playing the piano. Not long after I do that, there’s a guitar playing along. It’s weird to feel like things are, in a way, like old times while we do this. There’s something I can’t explain about the way we play. It just happens. This time I don’t have the heart to say with notes, fuck off. Actually, I want to keep going.
This should be yet another conversation with my therapist or maybe my yogi. I should go to Luna Harbor and chat with her. She’s pretty connected with the soulmate shit.
Ethan suddenly stops, and I do the same, turning to look at him.
I arch an eyebrow. “Are you okay?”
“Is it wrong not to want Rocco back into our lives?”
I grin. “You’re not the only one. I know for a fact that the next time he calls me it’s going to be because he needs money or a favor.” I shrug and mumble. “Maybe we’ll just hear from someone that he died. It’ll be heartbreaking and sad, but not surprising.”
He frowns. “Why would you say that?”
“He ODed?”
“You never told us,” Ethan gasps.
“It was a difficult time,” I state. “It wasn’t as if I said, ‘Well, let’s get clean after this.’ I stayed away from drugs and alcohol while I looked after him. He was still using because he couldn’t deal with Brooke’s death. One day, he left.”
“Do you still miss her?”
“Why are we doing this?” I ask, staring at the ceiling.
“I don’t know,” he answers. “It’s the first time I’m brave enough to discuss that time. Did I ever tell you I was happy that you had her but was jealous of her?”
I snort. “She was a kid. There was nothing between us. I loved her like a kid sister, or more like a cousin. Did I hope that someday things might change? Maybe, because she made me feel less lonely. Everyone assumed I was hurting because I loved her.”
After a long pause I say, “Her son was adopted by his first foster parents. He’s thriving.”
“You looked him up?”
“Yeah, I wanted to make sure he’s doing fine. I still don’t understand why Davis’s family didn’t take care of him, but maybe it was for the best.”
“Tucker wanted to adopt him. He’s family, you know,” Ethan says.
“I might…” I mumble, then go quiet.
“What?”
“Adopt a kid when I’m older,” I state.
He gives me a curious glance. “You already decided, even if your partner or spouse doesn’t agree?”
“I’ll be with someone who knows beforehand that we’re adopting a kid. We’ll have our own children, but I want to make sure we adopt a child who needs a home, like I did when my mom died,” I state.
He shakes his head and sets the guitar in the stand. “Good night, Z.”
“What are you not telling me?”
“You don’t want to hear it,” he warns me, walking away.
I follow him. “You can’t just leave in the middle of a conversation.”
“Sometimes it is better to leave things alone,” he says. “This is one of them. We’re in a good place. Don’t tamper with it.”
He’s right. I shouldn’t push him, but I want to, just like I want to kiss him. “Good night, Eth.”
As if we were invoking Rocco, the next week, we finally hear from him. More like learn what he’s up to.
Nana texts us to let us know that he’s working for Midnight Buzz. After our text convo, my phone rings. It’s Ethan. I debate answering the phone, but in the end the desire to hear his voice wins over the logic. “Yo,” I greet him.
“Are you sure you are okay?” His husky voice carries worry with each word.
I’m more concerned about the way I’ve been feeling since we had that late night chat at Hannah’s place. I discussed it with my therapist. He listened to me without being defensive. It was like talking to a new version of Ethan. Eth 2.0.
I like the guy. Not only because he’s so fucking hot.
Ethan is easy to talk to. He understands me. I can see he’s been hitting the gym more often.
Of course, I shouldn’t be developing a crush or feelings for a guy I know should be part of my past. But knowing what I should do doesn’t stop me from wanting to push him against a wall and kiss him hard. It’s been a long time since I’ve had sex.
Too long.
“Are you still there?” he asks.
“Yeah,” I confirm. “It’s not like he showed up on my doorstep asking me for help. That might be a tricky situation because you can’t just turn him down.”