Suddenly the blanks were filled in.
“The older guy was the boy’s Daddy. They were in an age play relationship?” It could have just been some simple role-playing but somehow that just didn’t feel right.
The way he froze said I’d hit the nail on the head. When he started to shake even more, I knew he was waiting for me to lose my shit too. “Baby, there are a lot of couples out there that are into that. I don’t know why he got so upset, but I know several people who’ve been in that kind of relationship.”
Myself included.
But was now the time to tell him that?
Chapter 6
Joseph
It felt like the room was circling around me and his touch was the only thing keeping me grounded to the spot.
Did he really get it?
How was he so calm?
Forest’s arms squeezed me again. “What did he say specifically? Why did he get so angry? Was it just because it was kinky?”
Forcing the air out of my lungs was getting harder. I had to take a second to drag the air in and out. I might not be able to stop the shaking, but I wasn’t going to pass out from lack of oxygen. That would just look pathetic.
“I…he…” When I paused, Forest hugged me again.
“Take your time. It’s okay.”
I wasn’t sure it’d ever be okay, but it was time to get it out.
“He said he wouldn’t have a pervert who was fantasizing about his own father in his house.” I could still hear the angry words through the door.
They played over and over in my nightmares.
“Were you?” Forest’s tone was too calm, too curious for me to understand what he was asking. He must have realized that because he rephrased it. “Baby, were you thinking about him as your Daddy in the fantasy?”
“No.” But that hadn’t mattered.
“Okay, we’re just going to get this out right away. I’ve met people who were in incestuous relationships or who had fantasies. It’s more common than people want to admit. So even if that had been the case, I wouldn’t be shocked.” He took a long breath and his fingers started caressing mine. I should have found the will to pull away, but it felt too good to be held.
“But age play, scenes like that, or even just situations where the younger guy refers to his partner as Daddy, don’t have anything to do with real family members. It’s a way of giving someone who cares for you control. There’s nothing about incest with it.” He pressed a kiss to the top of my head.
It was innocent and sweet, but it was almost too much. “It’s just a different way for a Dom to take care of a sub.”
I could feel tears starting to well up in my eyes. Hearing someone else say the words I’d tried to tell myself over and over was just more than my emotions could contain. I could feel my body shaking, but I couldn’t stop it.
I tried to pull away—escaping the emotion was my only thought—but Forest wouldn’t let me go.
“No, deep breath. Breathe first.” As tears spilled down my cheeks and onto his shirt, his hug turned almost bone-crushing. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. You didn’t do anything wrong. Baby, I’m so sorry.”
The tenderness in his voice was my undoing.
I didn’t remember the exact moment when the quiet tears turned into gut-wrenching sobs, but somewhere in the middle of his apology, I broke.
Time didn’t have any meaning as I cried and shook until there was nothing left. I felt like an empty shell of a person that would blow away any moment. When the tears finally eased and I was fighting to even out my breathing and stop the ragged gasps that made me sound like a kid who’d lost all control, he cupped my cheek and forced me to look up.
“He was wrong. People explore all kinds of different fantasies. Hell, teenage boys especially explore all kinds of weird shit.” He gave me a teasing smile. “You should hear some of the stories ER docs have about the strange things people have done to themselves trying to explore different fantasies. But that still doesn’t make it wrong. Some people need to just think things through a bit more.”
I’d seen enough weird stories online to get what he was hinting at and I couldn’t help chuckling. I probably looked a bit hysterical, but for some reason the look on his face was funny.
He hugged me again and the hand cupping my face stroked my jaw softly. “Brains are weird and we have no idea why things turn some people on and not others. We don’t have any idea why some people are drawn to things like age play and others can’t relate to it at all.”
He gave me a tender smile and ran his hand over my head. “But that’s the amazing part about being human. We each have such unique experiences and get to explore the world in our own ways.”
Nodding, maybe because it hit me in some way or maybe just because I wanted to believe it, I curled back into him. He’d made it clear he didn’t want me to move away, so I was going to enjoy being held as long as I could get away with it. Eventually he’d realize it was weird, but I hadn’t felt so at peace in a long time.
Forest shifted me on his lap and leaned back, pulling me even closer to him. “There is no right or wrong way to have a relationship with someone as long as everything is consensual and it’s healthy. We all go through phases where we’re trying to figure out how we see the world and how we see our sex life. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond to that, so I just nodded. The logical part of me said he was right, but nothing inside me felt logical. It was like a tornado had picked up all my emotions and rattled them into tiny pieces, scattering them all over the mountain.
Forest gave a dry chuckle. “Don’t just agree with me to make me stop lecturing.”
I grinned. “It was a lesson I learned early. You’d still be arguing with me about the Jedi if I hadn’t.”
His chest jerked up and down as he laughed, hugging me again. “Little brat. But I’m serious. There is nothing wrong with exploring things you find interesting. Hell, should I feel bad about asking my roommate questions in college? I apologized about walking in on them, but should I have just ignored how it made me feel because it was wrong?”
I shook my head. “It’s not the same thing.”
“Yes, it is.” He was quiet as his hand stroked up and down my back.
After a few moments he started again; his words were softer and I could hear something like worry in his voice. “It took a long time for me to find people to talk to about BDSM and to learn how many different ways there were to explore domination and submission.”
He took a long breath and his arms tightened before going back to stroking me. “Do you remember the guy I told you about? The one I was dating when you were young?”
“Yeah.” The guy who was in the closet.
“We met on a kink website. We both wanted to explore BDSM but didn’t know quite what we were looking for. As our relationship deepened, we tried different things.” There was another pause that made his unease clear. Knowing it was hard for him to open up made me feel less insane.
“What worked best for us was a combination of puppy play and age play. Ultimately, we went our separate ways, but I found that I liked having a partner to take care of.” He was quiet for several long moments before what he’d said really hit me.