Breathe. And since she was sitting there, it was a little easier. I turned to look at her. God she was beautiful. "I thought you weren't going to come out and see me."
She crossed her arms over her chest and looked out the window. "I figured I owed it to you to hear your side."
The pout on her face was so adorable it was hard to pay attention to what she was saying. I just wanted her lips back on mine. "You're cute when you're upset."
"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked with a stern glare I’d never seen from her before.
"Tell you what?" I swallowed hard. I knew how terrible having to ask her was. How guilty it made me seem.
"How could you possibly not know what I'm referring to? What is wrong with you?"
I took a deep breath. "You looked me up online, didn't you?" I lowered my eyebrows. She’d found everything.
"No! Well, yes. But that has nothing to do with anything. I found your ring, Professor Hunter."
Oh. I nodded my head. Oh. I forgot I even had the ring still. What a fucking relief. That’s what all this was about? I was so relieved I almost smiled, but then I realized that would be the wrong reaction. This was just a terrible misunderstanding. And I knew exactly what she was thinking.
"So you have nothing to say to that?" she asked.
"It's not what you think." I raked my fingers through my hair.
"And what is it that you think I'm thinking?"
I raised my left eyebrow. Her cherry perfume was everywhere. I finally had her alone again and I didn’t want to talk. I wanted to fuck her. I wanted to remind her that she needed me too. But I had to clear the air. This was my one chance and thank God it was just the ring nonsense. "You're probably thinking that I'm a lying cheater that you want nothing to do with."
"Am I wrong?"
"Yes."
"Enlighten me."
"First of all, I never lied to you. I withheld information that I deemed unimportant to our relationship..."
"Unimportant? You're such an asshole," she said, cutting me off. She grabbed the door handle.
"Penny." I put my hand on her shoulder, keeping her in place.
"And you did lie to me. At the country club when you said you didn't relish sharing me, you made me believe that I wasn't sharing you either. You even denied having a girlfriend. If I had known you were married..." her voice trailed off as she started to cry.
It hurt me to see her cry. My body physically ached for her. Was that why my chest had hurt the last few days? Because hers was hurting too? "Penny, please don't cry." I reached over and wiped the tears from her cheek.
"Don't touch me." She pushed my hand away. "How could you do this to me? Why didn't you just tell me then? I trusted you!"
"Because Isabella and I are over."
"What? You're divorced?" She sunk into the passenger's seat. "You still could have told me."
This was exactly why I hadn’t told her. Because I needed more time. "It's just a matter of finalizing the paperwork. I would have told you once it was official. I just didn't want to upset you for no reason."
"So you're technically still married right now?"
"Technically, yes, but I've already signed the divorce papers. It hasn't been a smooth process. But I have no connection to Isabella at all. We're done. We've been done for a long time."
She stared at me, waiting for me to elaborate. But I had nothing else to say on the matter. Did she need to hear that Isabella was a lying, manipulative monster? That I’d been tricked into the whole thing? Probably not. None of that mattered now. The woman sitting beside me was the only person I cared about.
"Well, what happened?" Penny finally asked.
I pressed my lips together. How could I describe how little that relationship truly meant? How I was at my lowest of lows and I thought I deserved to be unhappy? "We didn't love each other."
"Then why did you get married in the first place?"
"It's a long story."
She pulled her legs up onto the seat. "I have some time to spare."
I leaned toward her slightly and put my hand on the center console. A peace offering. "Do you really want to talk about this, Penny? All you need to know is that it was a mistake and it's over." I didn’t want to hash through all this. There were a million other things I’d rather do. I was so sick of my past lurking behind the shadows. Why couldn’t we just be happy right here right now? Why did it feel like no matter what I did, Isabella would always be there to ruin it?
"Please. I need to know." She put her hand on top of mine.
She met me halfway. I squeezed her hand. "Okay." I sighed. I could meet her halfway too. If she wanted to hear this, I’d tell her. It didn’t seem like I had much of a choice. "Isabella's parents are good friends with my parents. Ever since we were little, our parents always pushed us together. But I just never clicked with her. She was always so cold.
"In high school, I started dating a girl named Rachel. Whenever Rachel came over to my house, my parents were completely dismissive. It was clear that they didn't think she was good enough to be part of our family. They always made her feel so unwelcome. When I finally confronted them about it, they told me that if I didn't break up with Rachel they wouldn't pay for me to go to college. And I'm not proud of what I did. My life with them was all that I knew. I didn't want to have to be on my own. I didn't know how to live without money. I was young and stupid. I broke up with Rachel the next day. And my parents began to make it clear that I was expected to eventually marry Isabella."
I didn’t bother to tell Penny the part where I kept talking to Rachel after I told my parents I stopped. That we used to hang out in secret and I promised we could be together again after I graduated. That I fucking meant every word. That a few years into college Rachel just stopped talking to me. That she never said goodbye.
I looked down at Penny’s hand. I rubbed my thumb along her palm. It didn’t matter. None of it mattered now. I’d thought I loved Rachel. But I knew the truth now. Compared to Penny? Rachel was just a blip. It meant nothing. It had never been easy to breathe with her. She suffocated me too.
"Isabella was the only one they would ever approve of. They said that it was in my best interest to marry someone that wasn't after my money. I was so unhappy. When I told you that I was drunk most of college, I was serious. I completely lost it. I spiraled to the bottom. But my parents just kept telling me it was what was best. So eventually I just accepted the fact that I had to marry Isabella. Instead of worrying about it, I threw all my time and energy into the tech company I wanted to start. And when it blew up, I asked Isabella to marry me, because that was the next step I was supposed to take.”
I could have gone into more detail. But sometimes it was just too damn hard to think about that time of my life. Everything was…fuzzy. I wasn’t sober enough to recall a lot of it. But I did remember feeling like I deserved the hell I was living. That Isabella was my punishment.
“Before I even realized what was happening, the wedding was planned, and everyone had been invited. I knew I didn't love her, but I walked down the aisle anyway. And I made promises to her. I vowed to keep those promises. And I did. I tried so hard to make it work.