That I hadn’t ruined Natalie’s life and wasn’t waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Only I knew I was lying to myself. And worse, I knew that if Natalie looked into my eyes, she’d see the lie, too.
Thirteen
Tanner
Why was I nervous? I was having a baby with this woman, and yet I was nervous. It didn’t make any sense to me. Here we were, going on our first date. Not enough when it came to the grand scheme of things. I had been neglecting Natalie. I knew that much. If I had been a better boyfriend or whatever the hell we were to one another, I probably wouldn’t be so nervous when it came to taking Natalie out to dinner.
I smoothed my hands over my shirt and frowned. “Why is it so hard to figure out what to wear?” I growled at the mirror.
Miles snorted from my side. “Because it’s spring in Colorado. It could snow later, or it could rain, or be a hundred degrees. You never know. But you’re wearing a Henley. We all know that women dig guys in Henleys.”
I met Miles’ gaze in the mirror. “Isn’t that something I taught you?” I asked, a little annoyed with myself.
Miles just smirked. “Yep. And you obviously did a good job, considering that I have Nessa, and you’re the one who’s stressed out about going on a date with the mother of your child.”
That sentence kicked me in the gut like it did every time someone mentioned it. I was going to be a dad. It didn’t make any sense.
“Get that panic out of your eyes.”
I blinked, looking at my friend. “Why did you think I was panicking?”
“Because I know you. Total panic.”
“Thank you for that. I want to throw up.”
“You’re fine.”
“I guess I am. I should have been taking her out before this.”
“You guys see each other practically every day between school, work, and coming over here. It’s not like you had time to date.”
“I had time to get her pregnant,” I mumbled.
Miles sighed. “True, but I hear that doesn’t take that long.”
I glared at the other guy. “Excuse me?”
“I’m not talking about your prowess, oh mighty Tanner. All I meant was that it doesn’t take months to get pregnant sometimes. It only takes the once.”
“I’m well aware, considering I’m going to be a dad soon. I can’t believe I just said that.”
“You’re getting used to it.”
“Am I? Or am I falling into a sense of despair in a new dimension?”
“Look at you, sounding like the geeky one.”
I flipped him off. “Does this work, though?” I held up my arms, looking down at my dark jeans, boots, and charcoal gray Henley. I hadn’t shaved in a couple of weeks, and my beard was coming in, but I figured I looked okay. I didn’t look as if I just rolled out of bed, at least. That had to count for something. Although Natalie liked how I looked just getting out of bed. I pushed those thoughts from my mind. We were not going to have sex tonight. I’d promised myself that we would go on a nice date, and I would show her that I wasn’t an asshole who took advantage.
So why did I feel as if I were just learning how to date?
“You look great. Are you going to that small café?”
“Thanks for recommending it.”
“No worries. It’s where I go with Nessa. It’s inexpensive, but the food is delicious. Dillon’s brother even likes it.”
Considering that Dillon’s brother, Aiden, had worked as a chef at a Michelin-starred restaurant, I thought that was a pretty good sign.
“Okay. I guess I can do this.”
“You’re not going off to the guillotine. You’re taking Natalie on a date. Having dinner with her. Something you’ve done before. Sort of. What’s different about this time?”
I shook my head. “This time, she looks pregnant, and there’s no hiding it. People are going to know.”
“Her classmates have already figured it out. Now strangers will, too. Who cares?”
“We’re telling her parents tomorrow,” I growled.
Miles winced. “So, you’re worried this may be the last time you see her because she’s going to be sent off to a commune?” Miles asked, and while I knew he was teasing, my stomach roiled.
“Don’t even fucking tease about that.”
He held up both hands. “I knew it was the wrong thing to say as soon as I did. I’m sorry. I don’t know Natalie’s parents, but I know that the girls have been stressing over it. I’m here if you need me. I promise.”
“I know, thanks.”
“You look great. Really. I’d do you.”
“You say the sweetest things, Miles.”
“I try, but only for you. Now, go out, have some fun, and don’t stress about tomorrow. We’ll all be in our new jobs and houses soon, and you’re going to have a screaming infant. Take this time of peace while you can.”
I blinked at Miles, wondering where the quiet, nerdy college student I had once known had gone. In his place was this teasing, confident guy. And while I liked it, it wasn’t helping.
“Seriously? Seriously.”
“Now you sound like you’re on Grey’s Anatomy.”
“I hate when you make pop culture jokes,” I grumbled and grabbed my phone, sticking it in my pocket. “I’m on my way to pick her up. We’ll have fun, damn it.”
“I don’t know why you’re telling me that. It looks like you need to tell yourself that. Maybe a little pep talk?”
“I’m honestly afraid of what your pep talk might be at this point.”
“You know, you’re not wrong there,” he said with a grin. “Go get your girl.”
“I’ll try,” I whispered. Because, yes, Natalie was my girl—albeit for only the moment.
I walked downstairs and cursed under my breath. “I thought I said I was going to pick you up?” Her brow shot up, and Pacey glared at me from the front door. “I mean, you look fucking fantastic. Now, what the fuck are you doing here?” I asked, and Pacey threw his hands up in the air and then walked into the kitchen.
Natalie rolled her eyes, and I really looked at her then. All of her. She wore a light gray wrap dress, one that complemented the color of my shirt, which I found odd since we had done that without even talking about it. The wrap dress brushed her knees, and tall heels in another gray pattern highlighted those sexy-ass calves of hers. I didn’t know how she still wore those kinds of heels, and I hoped she didn’t plan on wearing them for the whole pregnancy. She’d pulled her long hair over one shoulder tonight, the waves looking so tantalizing, I wanted to reach out and wrap them around my fist. Probably not the best thing to think about, but I didn’t give a shit right then. I wanted her. I always wanted her. And that was the problem.
“Mackenzie was on her way over here, so I hitched a ride. They’re going out tonight, too, but to Dillon’s restaurant since he and Elise are there.”
I swallowed hard. “I guess that makes sense.”
“I texted you,” she said, her hands in front of her. I sighed, pulled out my phone, and cursed. “I didn’t get the alert. I’m sorry.” I stepped forward, cupped the back of her head, and crushed my mouth to hers. This was what we were good at. Anything that had to do with sex, and need, and…not talking.