I was falling for Tanner Hagen, my friend, the father of my child, and the man I shouldn’t love. But I didn’t care. Not when he made me feel like this. Like I was the center of his world. So many people relied on him, even if he didn’t think so. And that meant that, no matter what, he would always break pieces of himself for others, never leaving anything behind.
I promised myself I’d pull those pieces together to protect him if he let me. Only I wasn’t sure he would ever let me in enough to make that happen.
It didn’t matter, not in that instant. In that moment, we were in our personal reality, and it was everything.
He pounded into me, both of us shaking, and when he came, filling me to the point I knew we’d likely both burst from sensation, I cried his name. Suddenly, I was on my back again as he slid home once more, clearly needing to be inside me even after his orgasm just because he wanted to kiss and hold me.
Yes, I was falling in love with Tanner Hagen.
And it was the only mistake I knew I’d never regret.
At four months along, I couldn’t hide my pregnancy any longer. I’d ballooned seemingly overnight, and now I had a slight baby bump that shouted to the world that I was pregnant. I’d stood in the mirror that morning after my shower with Tanner, the two of us staring at our reflections. We were both naked, and only the fact that my body had changed and altered the fake reality we’d made had torn my gaze from the glory that was Tanner without clothes.
Now, I stood in a wrap dress, my small baby bump barely showing. The shape of the dress hid it at most angles, though I knew that as the weeks passed, I wouldn’t be able to hide it anymore. But my professors knew, my future employer knew, and my friends knew—at least, the roommates from both homes. I hadn’t told my other friends from high school, nor had I told my parents. I hated the idea that I was hiding things from them, but I still wasn’t sure how they would react.
I wanted a concrete plan and maybe something more than a simple we’re-working-it-out code to my relationship with Tanner before I told my parents they would be grandparents far before they were ready. I had gone to a few dinners at my parents’ house and dealt with more setups that hadn’t gone anywhere. Tanner had grumbled about those, but he understood because, while we hadn’t officially committed to one another because that would require talking to each other, we also both knew that my mother wouldn’t stop trying to set me up on dates until I was married and pregnant.
Just not pregnant and semi-alone.
I would have to tell them soon, though. My body had changed enough that they would be able to tell the next time they saw me. Telling them that I didn’t want a glass of wine with dinner because I had to drive and had coursework to deal with would only go so far for so long. While none of it was a lie, it neared the edges of one, and that was enough for me.
Today, however, the girls I had grown up with were about to find out. They were observant. They would know. When I was at the wedding a few weeks prior, I hadn’t been showing at all yet, and no one noticed I hadn’t been drinking because everybody was doing so many other things.
Now, though, it would be different. We were all going out to brunch, and that meant mimosas.
Mimosas I wouldn’t be able to drink. And I didn’t think the whole schoolwork and driving excuse would work this time.
My parents weren’t going to find out from them, though. Because no matter what happened between us, the girls and I had a code. We did not tell our overbearing parents anything, not even through the grapevine. That included arrests, pregnancy scares, the first time one of our friends had gotten engaged, and even a truancy violation.
We kept our secrets, or at least we had. Though these women weren’t my best friends anymore. So, I just had to hope that they wouldn’t send my parents into a fit because they found out through rumor and hearsay rather than hearing it from me.
I walked into the upscale café and smiled at the maître d’, who recognized me and gestured to my table. We used to come here every Sunday as a group, but since we weren’t roommates anymore and people were getting married and moving on in their lives, these get-togethers were rare.
Janice was the first one to notice me. She gave me a little finger wave and pointed to the empty seat. The others were already there, and I sat next to Karen and smiled.
“Sorry, I’m late. Traffic.”
Not a lie, but I had been running a little bit late because getting out of Tanner’s hold when we had been doing the one thing we were good at hadn’t been easy.
Tanner had a seminar later today. Plus, he wanted to do some things around the house, grumbling about maintenance people and repairs. And then he had to work. I wouldn’t see him for the rest of the day, and I had to ignore the little pang in my heart that told me I would miss him. I had just been with him. I had plans with my roommates later, as well as a paper to look over. Tomorrow, I had hours of community service through my charity work, and I would be busy for most of the day. I likely wouldn’t see Tanner at all. And that should be fine.
We had a co-parenting plan, not a relationship one.
Why then did it bother me?
“You’re looking good,” Victoria said as she grinned. “We ordered you a mimosa.”
First hurdle. “Thank you. I have a lot of work to do, so I thought I might go with sparkling cider today. And maybe just orange juice.”
“You’re turning down a mimosa? What? Are you pregnant?” Janice asked, laughing at her joke.
I rolled my eyes and grinned, sipping my water.
Victoria narrowed her eyes and dropped her phone. The fact that Victoria would willingly put her cell on the table spoke volumes. “Oh my God, you’re pregnant.”
We were in a secluded part of the restaurant where nobody could hear us, but I winced at the sound of her voice anyway. “Please don’t yell that so loudly.”
“It’s true?” Samantha and Charli said at the same time and then looked at each other, their eyes wide.
Janice blinked. “I thought, of all of us, I would be the one who got pregnant first. I mean, you’re Natalie. When was the last time you went on a date that wasn’t with one of your dad’s friends?” she muttered, and the other girls tittered while staring at me.
My stomach roiled, but I tried to ignore it. Were these the women I had once hung out with for hours at a time? I had grown up with them. Had I been one of them?
No, that couldn’t be. Maybe they had changed. Or I had. I didn’t know. All I knew was that I wanted to go home.
I shouldn’t have even come to this, but I couldn’t say no when it came to memories. Plus, I hadn’t been thinking straight lately, and given that I was finally—hopefully—through with the morning sickness, I’d thought maybe coming out to this would be a final hurrah before my life changed forever.
I could see now that coming here had been a mistake.
“Who’s it with?” Karen asked, whispering. “I mean, you’re not engaged, right? I don’t see a ring.”
“Of course, she’s not engaged. We would’ve heard about it in the papers.” Samantha shook her head. “Your mother is going to have a conniption.”
Karen snorted. “We all know that she doesn’t know. Because if she did, she would have told our mothers. That’s how things get started.”