Natalie blushed as she said it, and the others hooted and hollered.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“It might not be what you meant, but it’s what you said. I’m going to take that as a compliment.”
“I don’t know if you should,” Pacey said with a laugh.
I shook my head, ignoring them, and leaned forward to take a little spinach cup. I popped it into my mouth. The flavor exploded on my tongue, and I groaned and leaned back against the couch. Natalie snuggled into my side. It felt as if she’d been doing it all our lives. I wasn’t sure how we had gotten here, acting as if we were an actual couple and not merely two people pretending we weren’t keeping secrets from each other. I didn’t want to focus on that, but it wasn’t easy to ignore. I liked Natalie. I was falling in love with her. And I had to stop. I needed to pull myself back. Rein it in and remind myself that she wasn’t my forever. Our child would connect us until the end of our days, but she wasn’t mine to keep. And that was a hard pill to swallow.
“I’m going to need the recipes for these,” Mackenzie said as she wiggled next to Pacey. “Seriously, Dillon. They’re fantastic.”
Dillon grinned. “Thanks. It’s just a quick recipe. A variation on what Aiden’s been using at the new restaurant.”
“I can’t wait to visit,” Natalie said as she ran her hand over the swell of her stomach.
That gave me a little jolt, and I tried not to focus on the movement. Our kid was in there. There was no hiding it anymore. There was no pretending. Natalie was pregnant. We were going to have a child. And it was growing inside her right now, getting bigger with each passing day. It didn’t feel real, and yet it was. There was no denying it anymore. But I still didn’t know what the fuck I was doing.
“You guys are always welcome, though I know we’re all busy with a hundred different things.”
“We are, but we can still have fun.”
“That is true,” Dillon added. “If you want, I can see if I can make a reservation for the eight of us. The place is hopping, and large tables are a little difficult to get, but maybe we can figure it out in the middle of the week or something.”
“I cannot believe your family has two restaurants now.” Natalie grinned. “It feels like just yesterday I was going to the bar for the first time, loving the homey feel of it.”
“The restaurant is homey, too, if a little more upscale.” Elise smiled. “The food is so good, though. I feel like I gain thirty pounds just by walking through the doors.” She looked at us and grinned. “Dillon’s brother, Aiden, likes to feed us to our heart’s content.”
Natalie groaned. “That’s the life. I’m always hungry.”
“Do you need me to get you something?” I asked, leaning forward.
I ignored the others’ cautious looks as Natalie beamed up at me. “I’m good. I think I ate half of the appetizers on this table.”
“And we still have dinner to go,” Pacey added.
“I’m excited.” She grinned. She was so beautiful when she smiled. It just lit up a room. She had always been that way, and I had done my best not to focus on it. I liked Natalie, and that was the problem. I liked the person she was and how she treated everyone around her. I may joke and tell myself that she was a princess and too good for me, but that was only part of it. She was too good for me, but she didn’t think that. She thought we were the same. That we knew what we were doing. Only that wasn’t the case. She was brilliant, kind, and beautiful. And she would be the mother of my child. I really wasn’t good enough for her—not even a little bit.
I was only kidding myself, thinking that I could be.
We moved into the dining room after a while, taking the half-eaten appetizers with us. We gorged ourselves on pasta and sauce and ate garlic bread and squash. Everything was delicious, and Natalie ate with gusto. Considering that she had been sick for the past couple of months and barely able to keep things down, I liked seeing her eat. I couldn’t have too many carbs tonight because I had to work tomorrow, but I could still enjoy myself. The fact that I was still using my body to pay for school and create a savings account for the baby should worry me, but I had enough on my plate to worry about. Nobody here except for Natalie knew about my job, and though I knew I should tell them, I didn’t want them to look down on me any more than they already did—or should—when it came to Natalie. I really wasn’t good enough for her, and I knew it. They knew it. And I didn’t need to add fuel to that fire.
Natalie gave me a strange look, and I was afraid that I had said some of that out loud.
“What?” I asked.
“You’re looking all serious over there. Is something wrong?”
Everything. But I didn’t say that. Instead, I smiled, leaned down, and took her lips.
“That’s just so sweet,” Mackenzie said as she sagged against Pacey.
I cleared my throat and looked up at her. “What?”
“You guys are good for each other. I like it. The eight of us, all paired off. It’s like it was meant to be.”
Everybody chattered, and I did my best not to look at Natalie. The others were meant to be. It might have taken a while for them to get there, but it made sense for them. I wasn’t even sure if Natalie and I were a true couple. We hadn’t talked about it or decided on anything. It had just happened. One minute we were yelling at each other, and the next, we were changing our lives forever. It honestly didn’t make any sense. But here I was—a man about to be a dad.
As the others spoke, and Natalie squeezed my knee, I kissed the top of her head, and we went back to eating. I was quiet, and I knew that Natalie could likely tell that something was wrong, but she hadn’t done anything. It was all me.
I wouldn’t fuck up my kid’s life. My dad had been a good father before he was killed, and I wanted to be that guy. I wanted to be someone who didn’t run away. Who took care of his responsibilities. And so, I would be. Only I didn’t know how to be a part of this kid’s life. Things weren’t going to work out as the others thought. We wouldn’t have a massive four-couple wedding where everything was rainbows and fucking unicorns. That’s not how life worked.
As soon as the bubble burst and reality set in, Natalie would leave. And I would be left behind. I knew that clear as day. My mother had pushed me out ever so casually when I got to be too much for her. When she hadn’t been able to handle her new guy and me. So, I had found my own path. Natalie would realize who I was and how I wasn’t much help. She’d see how I would only be a hindrance to the future she needed. And I would prepare myself for that moment.
Frankly, I was surprised that she hadn’t packed up and gone to her parents already. They had the money and the clout to take care of her so she didn’t have to worry about the pregnancy and our child’s life.
I didn’t know why she even bothered to remain at my side.
Why was she staying?
I didn’t have the answer. And I was afraid to look too deep. So, I would do my best to be perfect for her so she didn’t leave.
I just couldn’t fall in love while doing so.
I looked at the others and put a smile on my face, pretending that I was fine. That I didn’t have a care in the world.