The girls looked at each other and nodded in unison.
“We figured that’s what was going on,” Mackenzie said softly. “That sort of happened with us, too. We all fell into what we were doing, and then things imploded.”
“I don’t want things to implode. I want them to work out. But what does that even mean or look like? I feel like everybody’s moving on and finding their paths, yet mine is being paved for me.”
“That’s how I felt last semester,” Nessa added softly.
“And how Mackenzie and I both felt last year.” Elise nodded.
“You’re right. I’m being selfish. I’m not the center of the universe. I’m so sorry.” I wiped away tears, and Nessa sighed and took away my plate. “Hey,” I stated. “I was still eating that.”
“Your pity party is done. We love you. And you do have plans—we’ve all helped you with those plans. But all of that was about that sweet baby of yours and school. Now, we’ll help you with Tanner.”
I looked between the three of them, my eyes wide. “What do you mean by that?”
“We’ll be your sounding boards,” Elise announced. “We’ll tie him to a chair and interrogate him until he comes up with feelings if we have to. I don’t know.” We all looked at Elise, and she blushed. “What? It seemed like a good idea.”
“Let’s table that for later,” Mackenzie stated, her voice stoic even though her eyes were bright with laughter. “I’m sure Miles, Pacey, and Dillon can tie him down, though.”
This time, Nessa blushed bright red, and my eyes widened as I looked at Elise and Mackenzie. The other girls giggled, and I joined in.
“Anyway,” Nessa said, “we’ll help. We’ve got you. You’re not alone.”
“Seriously, we’ll always be here for you. Promise,” Elise whispered.
They’d said that I wasn’t alone. And I wanted to believe that. And yet, as I had seen with my other friends, people grew up and grew apart.
We would all change. And as I thought about the path in front of me, and the girls at my side, it felt as if my forever seemed far different than the others’.
And I didn’t know what I was supposed to do about that.
Twelve
Tanner
“You doing okay?” Dillon asked. I looked up at him and nodded.
“I’m doing fine,” I said as I pulled a beer out of the fridge. We were in the kitchen, the others all out in the living room as we ate appetizers and got ready for dinner. The eight of us had decided to do a big group meal since none of us worked that night and had time off.
It was nice to schedule time like this, and I enjoyed it, even if things were still awkward. The group had all apologized to me more than once for how they reacted when they heard about the pregnancy. And, frankly, I still didn’t blame them. It was a shock, and they should be upset with me. I was still angry with myself. I had changed the course of Natalie’s life, and it was my fault. I shouldn’t have wanted her as I did, and yet I couldn’t change things. We couldn’t go back to us not having slept together.
The fact that we were still sleeping together notwithstanding.
“I am sorry for how I reacted,” Dillon said, looking down at his beer.
It was a craft brew and one of Dillon’s brother’s favorites. They served it at the bar, and Dillon had brought a case to the house. It was just a thoughtful thing to do—something Dillon did often. That was just who the guy was. He thought about us, cared about us, and always made sure we knew that.
There was no way I could ever be angry about how they’d reacted when they heard. Not with how they treated me every other day. They were good people, and I knew that. I just hoped they reminded themselves of it.
“I wasn’t angry at you guys when you said it.”
Dillon raised a brow. “You stormed off.”
I shrugged and took a sip of my beer. “I needed to think about what the fuck I had done. Natalie and I are going to have a kid. And while we say we’re making plans and figuring out our roles, we aren’t. We suck at this.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I looked over my shoulder and heard the others talking and laughing in the other room. “Maybe not right now.”
“You’ve got it,” he said after a moment. “But I’m here if you need me.”
“Thanks,” I whispered.
“Natalie wasn’t expecting this, and I wasn’t expecting her. We’ll find a way to make this work. Yet, sometimes, I feel like all I’m doing is making mistake after mistake.” I hadn’t meant to say the words, especially after I’d just told him I didn’t want to talk about it, and Dillon gave me a soft smile.
“That’s how I feel every day with Elise, just lucky that she stays with me.”
“You’re a good man, Dillon. Of course, she stays with you.”
“I don’t feel like that’s always the case, though. We all make mistakes. We’re human. You’re going to be a dad. Damn, that’s just so crazy. I mean, my brothers are all in the process of having kids or thinking about it, and now my friends are. I’m not even sure how this all happened.”
I snorted. “If you have to ask, maybe I should be talking to Elise right now.”
Dillon flipped me off. “Fuck you.”
“As I said, maybe I should be talking to Elise if that’s your stance right there.”
He snorted and grinned.
“We’re here for you guys, no matter what. You know that, right?”
I shrugged. “Thanks.” Only I didn’t quite believe it. As soon as the semester was over, we would all be separating and going different ways. That was the whole point. Everyone had jobs or school or internships lined up. I did, too. That meant that we would essentially be saying our goodbyes, as we moved towards the end of the semester. While some of us would remain in the state, we wouldn’t be as close as we were now. It wasn’t possible. Not when we were moving away from each other. They wouldn’t be here when Natalie and I had to figure out exactly how to be parents. And it wasn’t their fault they wouldn’t be. They each had lives.
“Okay, we’d better get back in there before the others ask us what the hell we’ve been doing.”
“That is true,” I muttered. We walked into the living room, and I did my best not to worry about what would happen next.
Miles sat on the floor, Nessa behind him on the chair as she rubbed his shoulders. I raised a brow at the two, and Miles blushed. Nessa just shrugged. “He had a long day. I’m not doing anything wrong.”
“I didn’t realize you’d be including us in your evening activities,” I teased as I sat down next to Natalie. She nudged me with her elbow.
“Be nice.”
“I am being nice.”
“Not everybody wants to be in a poly relationship like you,” Nessa teased before she blushed. “Sorry.”
“No worries. And as I’m not currently in a poly relationship, you don’t have to worry about me inviting you.”
“Good, because I think Tanner’s enough for me to deal with.”