I simply wasn’t sure I had the same sort of bravery in me.
Instead I tried to endure until the end of dance, fighting a losing battle to not succumb to Calder’s charm. Despite a steady stream of lectures to myself, I still found myself smiling at the end.
He was wearing me down, and that was only going to make things that much harder when we inevitably crashed and burned.
“So about dinner?” he asked after the instructor dismissed the kids and went over checkout procedures.
“Yes, about dinner.” Gabrielle strode over before I could explain what a bad idea that was, Madeline trailing behind her. “Let me take the girls? I have the worst pizza craving.”
“Liar.” I gave her a pointed look. She would have a side salad and pick at a breadstick while the girls devoured the treat. And in typical style, she was making an offer I couldn’t refuse without disappointing the girls, who were already clamoring to go.
“Can we sleep over?” Charlotte asked Gabrielle, all heart eyes at the concept.
“That’s a splendid idea.” Gabrielle didn’t bother glancing at me before she answered. “Then Uncle Felix and Calder can have a nice grown-up evening.”
I should have known matchmaking was behind the pizza offer. “We don’t need—”
“Please.” Charlotte turned those big eyes my direction.
“Can we watch that circus musical again?” Even Madeline appeared to want to go, which I hadn’t expected. All around us families were departing, full of Friday plans of their own, making my reluctance to agree feel more Scrooge-like. I didn’t like depriving them of fun.
“You want a sleepover?” I asked Madeline, trying to give her space before Charlotte steamrollered her into going along with her.
“Sure.” Gold curls bouncing, she shrugged like the change of plans was no big deal when only a few months ago it might have meant a lot of tears. “I want pizza. And Nana let us watch musicals on the train. That was fun.”
“Please,” Gabrielle added, teasingly. “Come on, Uncle Felix. Have some fun.”
Fun. That was what this thing with Calder was supposed to have been. Fun. A lark. Not serious. Not something to ache over. Not something to pine for. But now things were too damn complicated, and we needed to talk, something best accomplished without an audience.
“All right.” I reluctantly nodded, not because I was truly worried about the girls with Gabrielle but because part of me wanted to delay that talk as long as I could. The distraction of the girls would have helped with that, but they looked so eager to go with Gabrielle. “You go with Nana, who will call me if anything comes up. Right?”
“Of course, darling. I’ll call.” She patted my cheek. “You and Calder have a lovely evening.”
I highly doubted that was possible, but Gabrielle and the girls were looking at us all expectantly. I forced a smile. “We’ll try.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Calder
After the girls departed with Gabrielle, I half expected Felix to dump my ass back at the pier, no dinner, no chance to talk. He hadn’t seemed happy the whole evening, and not even the cute kid performance had cheered him up.
However, as we walked back to the SUV, I was still riding an adrenaline rush from getting up there. I’d been so tense, all my old hatred of being the center of attention coming back, those long-held worries about people laughing, but then I’d realized that they were going to laugh whether or not I got up there. A bunch of adults trying to do a kids’ dance was funny. So, why not have fun with it? I was able to make Charlotte happy by participating, and if the people who remained in the audience had wanted to laugh at the big guy with two left feet, let them.
In fact, when someone in the audience had laughed when I’d stumbled early on, I’d actually relaxed. The worst had happened. Now I could move on and enjoy myself, not let those ancient fears hold me back from doing something. And making the kids smile was worth letting a few folks chuckle at my expense.
“That was actually kind of fun,” I remarked to Felix as he unlocked the car.
“You knew the lyrics.” He laughed as he slid behind the wheel.
“Guilty.” My neck heated. Maybe I wasn’t completely beyond the fear of embarrassment after all.
“Don’t be shy. You’re cute.” He smiled at me, but his tone was more wistful than teasing.
“I try.” After buckling my seat belt, I turned toward him. “Can I be cute over dinner? I promise to discuss other overplayed pop ballads I know by heart.”
“I’d like to see that playlist.” Felix laughed then sobered. “We need to talk.”
“And we need to eat.” I didn’t like the way he said talk as I was pretty sure he had a different objective than I did, but if he’d agree to a meal, I’d have that much more time to win him over.
“We do.” A muscle in his neck jumped like he was doing intense calculus, trying to weigh the risk of public argument against a desire for dinner.
“We can get takeout.” I made the math easier for him. “Tell me what and I’ll do an order from my phone.”
“I guess we can eat at my place.” His tone was resigned, but then he brightened. “There’s a Cajun place near the house I keep meaning to tell you about since you like spice as much as me. Incredible barbeque shrimp. And there’s coffee beignets for dessert.”
“You planning on keeping me around until after dessert?” I kept the tease light, but I honestly wasn’t sure what the odds were of the conversation going my way.
“Yes. I wish—”
I held up a hand. “No sad wishes. Not until after we eat, okay? Now, let me call in an order.”
“Aye, aye, Chief.”
While he started driving back to Queen Anne, I got the information for the place, discovered they had an online ordering option, and completed the task quickly.
“I got extra beignets in case you want some for the morning. Make this a sleepover and I’ll make sure you have an appetite.” If optimism alone were enough, my hope could power a small city.
“Calder...”
“Look, you have a kid-free Friday night. Even if we do need to talk about some things, we don’t have to go all heavy and serious the entire evening. I like hanging out with you. That hasn’t changed.”
“I like hanging out with you too.” While stopped for a red light, he touched my hand.
“See? We can still have a good time. Even cranky and needing to talk with me, I still like you better than Max and his poker party idea.”