“You turned down a poker party to go to a kids’ dance recital?” Felix’s eyebrows went up. Oops. I maybe shouldn’t have revealed that.
“Yeah, I know, I’m shocked too.”
“You should have gone.” His face was impassive as the light changed and we crept forward with the rush hour traffic.
“What? Why?” Not that I wanted heaps of praise for showing up, but him pushing me away so blatantly stung.
“You’re a young single guy who can have his pick of Friday-night fun and companionship. You don’t need to be stuck with us.”
“Way to value yourself,” I shot back. “And I’m over thirty. Not some kid. A lot of my buddies have left young and single behind. And because I too can be mature, maybe I picked you because you are the fun I want tonight.”
“This is fun for you now.” His too-patient tone was grating on my last nerve. “But for how long? The kids are getting attached to you, and I’m getting worried for how they are going to react if you stop coming around.”
“The kids?” I gave him the most pointed of looks as we stopped for yet another light. I wasn’t going to let him get away with hiding behind the kids. “Really, Felix? The kids are getting attached?”
“Well, they are. Charlotte was delighted to see you.” His hand clenched around the steering wheel, shoulders stiff. “Too delighted. She’ll be hurt if you move on.”
“Charlotte will be hurt?”
“All right, all right. Me too. I’m getting too attached. I’ll be hurt. Is that what you want to hear?”
“Yes!” I dug my fingers into my thigh as we arrived at an upscale Cajun place not far from Felix’s house.
“Oh?” Felix crept forward, trying to find a parking spot on the crowded street. I waited until he’d found one and I had his full attention again before I continued.
“Yes. Because I have the solution.” Shifting in my seat, I turned toward him. He might have that professional doctor tone of his, but I had my chief voice, the one I used for delivering a plan of action. “I keep coming around. Then no one’s hurt when I stop because there is no stopping. Date me for real, Felix.”
His eyes went so wide I worried he might sprain something. “Cal—”
“You think on that while I grab the food.” I kissed his cheek and quickly slid out of the car, heart hammering. I had more to say. Much more. And leaving him alone with his thoughts was a calculated risk, but I was betting on him being more amenable to the idea when fed. And also, my logic was sound.
He was worried about being hurt and me leaving. If I didn’t leave, then he didn’t need to worry. Problem solved.
I grabbed our food order, which smelled divine, and hurried back to the car where Felix still looked as stunned as when I’d left him.
“Wow, that’s a lot of food,” he said as I climbed back into the passenger seat.
“Yeah, well, I’m hungry and I’m planning to stay awhile.”
“You certainly do seem convinced about this dating idea.” If nothing else, he seemed impressed by my stubbornness, and he put the car in drive without further argument.
“We’ve been dating.” The obvious needed to be pointed out. “We talk almost every night. We see each other whenever we can. I think about you all the time. I want to take you to my brother’s wedding and other places. We are dating. Just make it official, so you’re less worried that I’m about to ghost you.”
“Officially dating wouldn’t make me any less worried.” He headed away from the bustling Friday-night traffic into the residential streets.
“Why not?”
“I understand that you’ve had a change of heart where dating and relationships are concerned. But I can’t be your trial run—”
“Whoa.” I held up a hand as he turned onto his street. “Who said trial? I’m in this thing, Felix. This isn’t some starter package. I want you, specifically, not a partner, generally.”
“I appreciate that. But, Calder, you’re going to get bored or frustrated with the amount of baggage I bring to the table. The kids. The house. The divorce. The unpredictable doctor hours.” He let out a miserable sigh as he parked at his place.
God, I wanted to shake Tim all over again for putting the idea in Felix’s head that he might be too much for someone. “Your baggage doesn’t scare me. I have work stuff too. I understand what it means to be on call.”
“I know you have work obligations as well. And that’s the other thing. You could be deployed at any moment.”
“No, I couldn’t.” I exited the car because the space was starting to close in on me, and he followed me, leading the way to his back door.
“The whole time I’ve known you you’ve been itching to get back on a sub.” Even after unlocking the door, he continued to stare me down, pale light from the hall giving him an ethereal glow. “You’re telling me you’re not going to leap for joy the first deployment that comes your way?”
“No.” My heart started hammering because I’d been circling this answer the last two weeks or so, but this was my first time giving voice to the decision aloud. “I’m going to take the training opportunity. Stay on shore duty.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Felix
“Ah.” Head spinning, I made a knowing noise. I should have known something like this was behind Calder’s newfound domesticity. I slumped against the mudroom wall as Calder shut the door.
“That’s your reaction?” His tone was more resigned than angry, as if I’d let him down on a personal level. My chest felt like something large and angry had stomped on it.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to make light of your decision.” Squashing Calder’s feelings wasn’t something I wanted to do at all. However, I also couldn’t give him the overjoyed response he might have been hoping for. “But your sudden interest in dating makes a lot more sense now.”
A frustrated sound escaped his throat. “I’m not going to deny that having you around made the choice easier. But I think it’s something I’ve been working my way toward even before you.”
“That’s good.” I was hiding behind my doctor voice and I knew it. Overly professional seemed preferable to letting my emotions overtake me, even if Calder’s frown deepened with every careful syllable of mine. “But I can’t be your consolation prize for not getting what you truly want. Or your backup plan.”
“Give me more credit than that.” He stalked into the dining area with the bag of food, which he set on the table. “Me being around more does make it easier to pursue a long-term relationship, but I’m not over here sulking and using you to make myself feel better.”