Ensley came right up in my space. “No.” Her face was like stone, telling me she was not to be messed with. “You deserve it all. The moon and the stars. A man who will drop everything to take care of you when you’re sick. A man who’s by your side when you hurt. When you’re happy.”
I wrapped my arms around my baby sister and whispered in her ear, “I’m learning. Cut me some slack. It’s been like half a day, if that.”
She squeezed me hard and said low, “I know. It’s just hard because none of this was your or my fault. We just have to live with it. In doing that, we won’t forget it as much as we want to scrub our brains of all it, but we learn how to live with it there. And the only way to battle it and beat it down is to do something in this life. Do something you enjoy. Be with someone you love. Take walks outside. Go swimming. Spend time with Remy and the Trolls.”
To that, I laughed. “When you bought that in the store, I should’ve knocked it out of your hand.”
She chuckled pulling away. “I have to agree with you on that.” She held up the flip phone my sister gave me at the store. “Got this too.” And she handed it to me. I shoved it in my back pocket. “Come on. Let’s go fill you up with the good stuff.”
A tear formed in the corner of my eye as Ensley took my hand and led me out of the room. Yes, I was going to fill myself up with the good stuff one step at a time.
Coming out of the building, the bright sun gazed down on us. The heat was already penetrating my skin. The air was light and I breathed in deep, taking it in. How I felt so different after crying my eyes out and talking to Ensley and Dryerson, I couldn’t describe it. Just that it felt good.
Bikes roared, taking my attention to the parking lot where all the brothers of the Ravage MC were lined up. I searched for Dryerson, but didn’t see him.
It wasn’t until they took off that I spotted him in the passenger side of Micah’s SUV. He saw me too and gave me a flick of his hand. Then they were all gone and quiet filled the space.
“Why weren’t Dryerson and Micah on their bikes?”
Ensley who still had ahold of my hand squeezed it. “They’re prospects and do what they’re told. They must’ve been told not to ride, but to take the SUV. I don’t know where they’re going, though.”
I squinted my eyes from the sun and turned to my sister. “Does that ever bother you? Him not telling you stuff?”
We’d talked about this before, but I’d seen it as Ensley’s life not mine. The way things were going, it was going to be my life now too. It put a different spin on the situation.
“It’s different now,” she told me. “Now you have to watch your man take off and do what it is they do. It’s a different perspective. Until you’re in the position, you don’t fully understand it. As far as him not telling me, he tells me what I need to know and that’s that.”
“I remember you saying that you were okay with it a while back. It just feels…”
“Different. It’ll be okay. Just give it some time.” She tugged my hand. “Come on, let’s find Remy before Blaze gives her so much chocolate she’s bouncing off the walls for days.”
We walked into the clubhouse, and my gaze instantly went to the spot where I had my melt down. “Guess I can cross off mental breakdown in front of a club off my bucket list.”
Ensley turned to me. “You have a bucket list?” She said it in a way that sounded like ‘are you stupid’.
“No. Not really. Don’t you have things that you want to do in this lifetime?”
“Of course but…”
“I was joking, Ensley. Gotta cut me a bit of slack here. I’m not plannin’ on dying any time soon.”
“Sorry I jumped to that.”
I pulled her into another hug, and she wrapped her arms around me. “You know you’re almost at your quota of hugs for the month. You’d better start conserving.”
Her body started shaking just as the laughter burst out of her. It felt good to make her do that. Her happy really made me happy. Today was just filled with epiphanies.
“Mommmmm!!!” Remy called out as we broke apart and had a little Troll barreling our way.
“Told you she wouldn’t take it off,” Ensley said, jabbing me in the stomach, then bent down to catch Remy before she took a nosedive.
“I’m glad.”
“I’s has,” Remy tried putting her fingers up and every time she got one down, another would pop up. It took her a bit, but she finally got it and held up three fingers. “Feeee cookies!!”
“Couldn’t tell from the chocolate on your face, bug.”
“Annee Kadee.” She lunged from her mother’s arms and into mine. Luckily since she’d done this often in the last three years, I caught her and tossed her up in the air to land on my hip so I could tickle her belly through the suit.
“Top!!” Remy said, laughing and squirming in my arms. I just held her tighter.
“So what fun are we going to do today?” Ensley asked as Blaze, Princess, Austyn and Bristyl came around the corner.
“That little one has fast feet,” Blaze commented but smiled, telling me she loved every second of it. And she did. Blaze was a fantastic grandma. And that was what she wanted to be called. Grandma. Nothing else. Blaze once said that other than having Micah and marrying Tug, Remy was the gift she’d always dreamed of.
While that was adorable and all, Remy was a handful.
“Yeah she does.” I tried to kiss her head, but pink fluffy hair was in the way.
Austyn came up. “We have a date with cookie dough.” She held out her hands to Remy who jumped from me to Austyn who caught her. She looked at me. “You doin’ alright?”
I gave a little nod. “Gettin’ there.”
“You need me, I’m here.” Austyn nodded as she turned away with Remy. Bristyl gave me a smile and followed them.
“We need to talk,” Princess said, her tone directed at me.
This woman scared the bejeezers out of me. She was like no one I’d ever met before. Strong. In control. Demanding. Determined. Loving. That last one didn’t scare me, though.
I’d heard of her getting in the boxing ring with some of the guys and kicking their butts. Yeah, that was the one that scared me. I didn’t stand a chance against this woman. And what the heck did she need to talk to me about?
“Umm… Okay…?”
“Both of you.” Princess nodded to Ensley and me. “Follow me.”
Not going to lie, but I was happy to have my sister with me because not only did Princess come, so did Blaze. Crap. Was I in trouble? Because it felt like it.
21
KATIE
We followed Princess and Blaze who were laughing and talking. I had no idea what the heck this was about. That wasn’t completely true. It was probably my display of freak out in the club. I didn’t want to make her mad. It felt like Ensley and I were walking to our deaths.
I stopped abruptly and blurted, “Are you going to kill us?”
Princess and Blaze turned around to us and just stared. They did this so long my feet began to shuffle at the uncomfortableness of the whole situation.