“Guy in our unit. We got into some heavy fire and had to fall back. Carter was young, like me, but he still had a little boy in him. When we pulled back, he got struck in the thigh and went down hard. Micah and I dragged his ass to shelter so we could patch him up. Problem was the bullet went through his femoral artery, and he was barely hangin’ on. He gripped my hand so tight and said, ‘Don’t let me die out here.’ I hear those words all the time. When he was fading out, I asked him to tell my momma hi from me. He blinked once and was gone.”
Katie turned around and faced me, our noses only inches apart. “That’s horrible.”
“Sometimes I think we’re put on this earth just to see how we stand up to challenges. Like if we could be warriors or something.” Her lip tipped. Liking that, I kept going. “There are those of us who have a steady stream of shit happen, and there are some that have none. I started life with none. My parents were great. Then my mom died, and everything went to shit. Each thing, though, made me the man I am today.”
“I get that, but I almost killed my sister. That haunts me,” she whispered, and I was happy she was talking.
“That’s the thing. You don’t think for a second that your death would haunt her, knowing she could’ve helped you?”
“That’s what she said.”
“She’s smart.”
“And I bet that makes you smart too,” she teased, and I smiled.
“Damn straight.” I stared into her blue depths wanting to take every bit of pain away from her and put it on my shoulders so she didn’t have to carry it any longer.
Reaching up, I pulled a strand of her brown hair away from her face. “I wish you would’ve told me about those assholes and what they did to you. Our time last night would’ve gone a lot different had I known.”
“What we had last night was perfect. I wouldn’t change a single moment.”
Warmth filled me.
“I thought it was because of the scars, but you had others that you’d never talked about. I’m sorry for that.”
“Stop it.”
“What, I can’t feel guilty?”
The light dawned in her, and she let out a heavy breath. “Alright, I get it. Doesn’t mean it’s just gonna go poof and magically go away.”
“It won’t, but I’ve gotta know, Wild Kat… How can you not be as upset about being assaulted than the guilt you have for Ensley?”
She blinked, taking a moment to think. “I still think about it. Dream about it. It’s not that I’m not upset about being violated because I am. Ensley is the only family I have here in the outside world. She’s all I have. Losing her would be worse than dying a thousand deaths.”
I understood that in some twisted way. She still had a few wires crossed, but the kinks would come out in time.
“She loves you. She’d never hate you or hold any grudge toward you.”
Her eyes welled with tears. “I know that, and it made me mad. I thought that if she yelled at me or called me names it would make things better.”
“Now that you’ve let this out, do you feel even a little better?”
“I’m glad I talked to Ensley. That was a long time coming.”
“Good. Then it was worth it.”
“What, having a breakdown in the middle of your club? That’s a great way to show them how sane I am.”
I chuckled. “The only way to build ourselves up is to be broken in a thousand pieces. Then you work like hell to get them put back where they’re supposed to go.”
“You’re kinda smart,” she said with a bit of bite to it.
“Umm … does that bother you?”
She shook her head into the pillow. “It’s annoying.”
I let out a chuckle and saw for the briefest second her lip tip as well.
“We gotta talk about you and this punishment or penance whatever.”
She tried to roll and pull out of my arms, shutting down on me. Nope. We’d gotten this far, and we needed to keep on pushing. Get it all out there on the table because once we knew the problems, we could work at fixing them.
“Katie,” I said her name and got her attention. “You’ve had enough punishment to last a lifetime three times over. I could list all the shit you’ve told me you’ve been through that was the same thing as this punishment that you’ve inflicted onto yourself.”
A tear rolled down her face, and I swiped it away with my thumb. “You deserve to be happy. You deserve to live a good life. You survived all that shit from the time you were born until this moment here. Don’t you think it’s time to let all of that go and focus on the good instead?”
Loaded silence filled the room, but I said nothing, wanting her to really hear me. Take it in and ingest it. Feel it.
Her voice was so soft I barely heard her say, “I want to be happy. I just don’t know how.”
This crushed my heart. Her entire life growing up in that shithole no one showed my girl happiness. They were all pieces of shit. That whole fucking place needed to be burned to hell. “Then I’m gonna show you the way. Will you stay with me while we go on this path?”
“You really want me to? I mean, come on. You could find a woman with way less baggage than I have.”
“You’re the only one I love. The only one I’d do anything for.”
Tears flowed freely? and she moved cuddling into me, every part of her body touching mine. Her head rested on my chest and her hand on my abs.
“I’m scared to love you.”
“I know you are.” I kissed the top of her head. “Takin’ a chance on someone is always hard. After what you’ve been through it’s expected to be a bit harder. Just let me show you every day what I mean.”
Her hand got tighter on my chest, and we laid there together holding one another.
I didn’t realize how exhausted I was as we passed out and only woke to a banging to the connected door. Katie rolled over and then sat up, grabbing her head. “Why do I feel like I have the worst hangover in the world?”
“Because you had a lot of shit to get off your chest, and that’s hard on a mind and body.” She reached over for the pillow, grabbed it, and then swung it my way. Seeing it coming, I blocked it with ease.
Just as I went to tackle her, Micah yelled, “Dry! Need you, man. Cruz called!”
Fuck. I didn’t want to leave her especially with her emotional rollercoaster hangover. She was so damn important to me. Then there was the club. I’d been prospecting since Micah started and loved the sense of family and bond they had.
Making a choice between her and the club, I didn’t think I could do it.
“Go,” she whispered, turning to me in the bed. “I’m fine. Or I’ll be fine. Ensley’s here. Go do your,” her hand moved in the air, “club stuff.”
Damn, she was cute. So pure and innocent with what the world had out there. It was good I was going to be by her side through it all.
I sat up, leaned into her, and touched my mouth to hers. When a smile started to cross her lips, I swear to fuck the light got brighter as she was letting me in.
Finally, we were going toward the right track.
“You’ll call me if you need anything?” I asked just as the door burst open.