“I bet the water feels amazing right now.”
He shook his head. “I bet it’s freezing.”
“There’s only one way to find out.” I kicked off my shoes and pulled down my spandex shorts.
“What are you doing?”
I pretended like I was about to take my sports bra off.
“I swear if you take that off, I won’t be able to control myself.”
I laughed, even though I knew he was serious. “Are you going to join me?” I really was feeling destructive. But for the first time in months I also felt alive.
He shook his head as I slowly backed into the water.
“I dare you,” I said.
He rolled his eyes.
“I’m going to need someone to keep me warm if it’s cold.”
He shook his head.
I turned around and ran into the water. He was right. It was fucking freezing. I dove into a wave and came up for air. When I turned around Miller was gone. For a second I frowned but then he came up out of the water too.
“You win,” I said. “It’s freaking freezing in here.”
He pulled me close.
I wrapped my legs around him in the water and held him tight. And I breathed easily for the first time since I’d seen the pictures. I loved Matt. But I didn’t remember feeling this close to him. There was something about the way Miller and I fit. From the second we met…I felt like we were equals. With Matt I never felt good enough.
I rested my chin on Miller’s shoulder and breathed him in. It was selfish of me to do this. And yet…I couldn’t stop.
His breath was warm in my ear.
I waited for him to say something.
Instead, he kissed me behind my ear. And then the side of my neck. It didn’t feel at all like a friendship kiss to me. It felt amazing.
Fuck.
It wasn’t allowed to feel amazing. I put my forehead against his. I wanted to kiss him. But I couldn’t. I needed to talk to Matt. I needed to get out of here so I could figure out what the hell was going on. I needed an escape plan.
Chapter 19
1 Month Later - Friday
Miller’s skin was bronze from the summer sun. And I had a hard time not staring at his six-pack. It wasn’t my fault. He was sweating because we were running. And his abs were practically glistening. I was pretty sure I was about to do something stupid if I stayed this close to him.
It was hard not to be this close to him though. Ever since I’d had a meltdown on the beach a month ago, he started running with me instead of trailing behind to make sure I was safe.
I didn’t mind it. I liked looking at him. I just needed to make sure I didn’t touch him. And it was getting harder and harder. We did everything together, especially in the summer since neither of us had online classes. It gave me barely any time alone. And I needed time alone to plot out our perfect escape plan.
I stopped and put my hands on my knees, pretending to be completely out of breath. “Go ahead. I need a minute.”
But instead of continuing on down the beach, he plopped down in the sand. “I have a confession to make.”
“And what is your confession?” I couldn’t help smiling when he was smiling. His good mood was contagious.
“You’re going to find it very shocking.”
“Oh, I’m going to be scandalized?” I asked and put my hand to my chest, feigning shock.
He laughed. “Probably. Drumroll.”
I just stared at him.
“Don’t make me give myself my own drumroll, kid.”
I wanted to roll my eyes. But I was actually having fun playing along with whatever ridiculous confession this was. I patted my thighs, giving him a perfect drumroll.
“I hate running!” he yelled at the top of his lungs, like the truth was just bursting out of him.
I started laughing.
“God, it feels good to admit that.”
“That was hardly a scandalous confession.” I sat down next to him. “You really don’t have to come with me on my runs.”
“Actually I do.” He leaned back in the sand and stared up at the clouds.
“You’re going to be completely covered in sand now. It’s going to stick to all your sweat.”
“Oh. Like this?” He rolled over so he basically looked like a sugar-coated doughnut.
“Miller what are you doing?!” I couldn’t stop laughing. “You’re never going to be able to get all that sand off. It’s going to be all over our house for weeks.”
“Our house,” he said. “I kinda like the sound of that.”
My smile faltered. I kept doing this. Flirting with him by accident. It happened so often that I wasn’t even sure it was by accident anymore. But he was very good at distracting me when my smiles faded.
He tickled my side and I screamed and rolled over. He kept tickling me until I’d turned every which way, getting completely covered in sand. And then he grabbed my hands and pinned them over my head so I couldn’t squirm away anymore.
We were both breathing hard from our laughter. And the laughter in the air had been replaced with something a lot heavier. His body pressed firmly against mine. I’d been trying to avoid exactly this. And I was starting to wonder why. Matt had moved on pretty easily. Stop. Why did I always think of Matt when I knew he wasn’t thinking about me? I wanted to be brave and kiss Miller. I could easily close the distance. I swallowed hard. But I wasn’t ready to tell him he was my first choice. I wasn’t even sure I knew how to make a logical decision anymore.
“Now you’re going to track sand all over our house,” he said. “What were you thinking?”
I looked down at my stomach. I’d been just as sweaty as him and now we were matching sugar-covered doughnuts. “Damn it.” I really loved the beach. But I hated that no matter what we did the sand refused to stay outside.
He laughed. “Don’t sweat it. It’s definitely my turn to sweep.”
“I’ve never seen you pick up a broom.”
“Which is how I know it’s my turn.” He smiled down at me. “Come on, we better go rinse off,” he said and pulled away from me. He kicked off his socks and shoes. “You coming?” he asked.
“Yeah. I just need a minute.”
I watched him run into the water.
I took a deep breath. I needed a minute to calm down. My heart was beating too quickly. It was like I could feel it hammering against my ribcage. I wanted to think it was because I had just run for miles. But it wasn’t that. Miller made my heart race. When he was close. When he was far away. Whenever I thought about him really.
My stomach twisted in knots. Was Matt staring at some new girl the way I was staring at Miller? Probably. Most definitely.
I closed my eyes for a minute.
But Matt thought I was dead.
I needed to see him. I needed to clear my head somehow. But that was a little hard to do. Because when I opened my eyes, Miller was standing above me.
I screamed as he lifted me over his shoulder. “Put me down!”
Instead of listening to my very reasonable request, he sprinted back into the water, carrying me with him.
“It’s freezing!” I screamed as he pulled me down into the cold water.
He laughed as I splashed water in his face. “Sorry, but I couldn’t let you track all that sand into the house.”