“Miller…”
“I love you, Brooklyn. I’ve always loved you. If you want to run away from your dad? If that’s what you need to be happy? Then fine. Run away with me.”
It wasn’t that simple. “I promised Matt forever.”
Miller shook his head. “Not all promises are meant to be kept.”
Honestly it wasn’t even about that now. I knew Matt had probably broken his promises to me, no matter how badly I wanted to believe in him. But he thought I was dead. Miller had said that himself. “You told me to ask you to kiss me when I was ready to put you first.”
His Adam’s apple rose and fell.
“I can’t do that until Matt knows the truth. I need to see for myself that he’s moved on. I can’t move on until I know for sure.”
“So you want me to go to this new house. And…wait. You want me to wait and see if Matt chooses you back? I’m here right now saying I choose you.”
I stood up on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “I have to do this. I don’t know how else to explain it. He has a piece of my heart. I either need to give him the rest of it or get it back. I need it back. My heart can only break so many times before it stops working completely. It’s broken. It hurts. I hurt all the time.”
He cradled my face in his hands. “Okay.” He let go of my face and pressed one of the keys into my palm. “I’ll be waiting for you, Brooklyn.”
Chapter 21
Monday
Miller was gone. I watched him drive away in the rental car I’d gotten him. He didn’t know it yet, but there was a lot of money in that bank account. More money than either of us could imagine in our wildest dreams.
Money meant nothing to me. I’d never wanted to be thrust into the world of the elite. But I knew Miller needed it. He had dreams bigger than just me and him. I knew he did. He had to. That was the only way I could do what I needed to do.
I pulled my backpack over my shoulder. There were only a few things I was bringing with me. Some stuff that my mom had left me. A few pictures of Matt. And the notes Matt had left me. I read through them sometimes. Trying to remember when my life was simpler. Which was silly. Because at the time I’d never thought it was simpler. Everything back then had seemed so messy and so important.
But the only important things were life and death. And I needed Matt to know I wasn’t dead. I owed him that.
Rereading some of those notes had kept me going. Matt’s last words to me had been…cruel. Not that I blamed him. Mine had been cruel too. But his notes? His notes reminded me of what we had. Reminded me of what we could still be. Maybe. They also reminded me of when he’d kept our relationship a secret. He had a bad habit of not being able to put me first. Stop.
He thinks you’re dead. Yes, I was upset that he’d kissed someone new. But maybe he was just coping. Maybe he was still missing me too. The feeling hadn’t faded away for me. It got less intense. But it was still there. This nagging ache. I needed to see him. Talk to him. Explain everything. That didn’t make pushing Miller away any easier though.
It was strange watching Miller drive away. I felt the same way I had when I noticed the engagement ring missing from my finger. And I wasn’t sure what that meant, besides that I was a freaking mess.
I looked back at the kitchen, remembering Miller dancing with me every night as we cooked. I smiled. He was a terrible dancer. And a wonderful person. I sighed. I never thought I’d be sad to leave my prison. I was finally free. But I barely felt alive. One of my happiest memories was of Miller surprising me Christmas morning. And I don’t just mean since moving here. I mean of all my memories. That was an amazing day. Dancing nonstop on Christmas morning was something I wanted to do every year. A new tradition. And yet…I was about to drive in the opposite direction of Miller.
He was gone.
I’d watched him drive away.
He left.
I was used to people leaving me. But never because I pushed them away. I didn’t have to lose Miller. I could go after him. I had the key to his new house in one pocket and the picture of Matt in the other. And I was torn.
I felt paralyzed.
I didn’t want to make this choice.
It wasn’t even supposed to be one.
Matt was my fiancé, even if he didn’t realize it was still true. And Miller was quickly becoming my whole world. It wasn’t just because I was isolated with him, which was something I thought about regularly. That definitely wasn’t it. I’d given him a piece of my heart last fall when I moved in with my dad. I’d always been drawn to Miller.
And I’d always been drawn to Matt.
God, what was I doing?
I walked out of the beach house and closed the door. I was going crazy. Matt was my future. He was my everything. There was no choice here. I promised Matt forever. I gave him my heart. I’d be married to him if my father hadn’t ruined everything. And I wouldn’t have regretted it for a second. I needed to go to him. His arms were the ones I belonged in. It was him. I’d made a choice last fall. It was Matt.
I left the note for my father beside Miller’s abandoned cell phone. I’d thought long and hard about what to say to my dad. Beg him not to freak out? Tell him I was sorry for leaving? Ask him not to worry because I’d be fine on my own?
Nope, none of that. I went with the two-middle-fingers-in-the-air version instead. My eyes scanned the note, making sure it was what I wanted to say as my parting words to father dearest. Little Dicky himself.
Richard,
I’m not a pawn. And I’m done being played. Don’t look for me. And don’t look for Miller.
I swear to God, if I find out you did anything to him I will never forgive you. You’ll be dead to me. Buried in the grave next to my fake one.
If you wanted to keep me safe, you should have looked for me 16 years ago. You should have used your resources to save my mom. But you didn’t. You found me when you needed me. But I never needed you.
I didn’t sign it. He’d know it was from me, unless he had some other illegitimate children locked up somewhere. My heart was torn between Miller and Matt. But I wasn’t confused about my dad at all. He could pretend to be nice all he wanted. He could pretend what happened last fall was a misunderstanding. But I hated him. He’d ruined my life. He’d put me in a terrible position. Fathers weren’t supposed to do that. But that was the whole problem. I didn’t have a father.
I took a deep breath and left the beach house. I climbed into my rental car and drove away. And when I pulled onto the interstate, I was very aware that I might be following my head instead of my heart. I was going back to New York. Back to Matt. Back to where I was supposed to be.
It was the first decision I’d gotten to make for myself in months. And apparently I’d gotten really bad at making my own choices. My stomach was twisted in knots. Each mile closer to Matt made me feel like I was betraying Miller. But I had the odd sense that I’d feel the same way if I was driving toward Miller instead. I’d feel guilty for not driving toward Matt. I had to do this. I needed answers.
I took a deep breath. I tried to remember what it felt like to fall asleep in Matt’s arms. I remembered feeling whole. Content. Optimistic. He’d pieced me back together after my mom died. After my uncle died.