The end product will be between around 1 inch bigger all around than the bun.
Maybe more.
After you’ve beaten all the pork flat, toss the rolling pin in the sink and wash your nasty hands.
Turn the skillet to medium high.
Lay the flattened pork in the flour. Press it with the heel of your nasty hand. Flip it and press again. Dip it in egg wash. Lay it flat on the bed of crackers.
Press down.
Flip.
Repeat.
Lay finished product on last clean plate.
Pepper one side lightly.
When you have them all (make 4, even if there’s only 2 of you. Believe me, you’ll eat them).
Take the plate of breaded pork to the stove.
Stir the chili.
Get another plate and cover it with paper towels.
Using the tongs, place the pork in the skillet 4 at a time, peppered side up (do not overlap). Cook for 3 minutes a side, or until brown. A LARGE piece of pork will cook in 3 minutes, so pay attention to the time, and to the color of the breading. Flip once and set on the paper towel lined plate once it’s browned.
Place the fried pork on a bun, cover with a slice of cheese, and then cover with a liberal amount of chili. Add three squirts of Tabasco for those who like a little spice. Press the top of your bun down hard, smashing chili out all sides and squishing both buns (I don’t know why, but DA Ball did this).
Put this mess on a plate. Don’t cut it in two. This is a “drip down your elbows” affair.
Serve with fries, chili fries, or chips.
Ketchup, mustard, and pickles are not allowed on the sandwich. Only chili, hot sauce, and/or cheese. The one option that can be considered is chopped raw onions. I don’t like them on it, so I’ll leave that up to you. I suggest you try it without them at first.
If you were caught eating it any other way in DA Ball’s place, he’d likely ask you to leave.
Haha.
Enjoy.
THE CUBAN
TIME: Longer than most sandwiches. 13 minutes, give or take.
What you’ll need from the cupboard: 2 large skillets, a spatula, a cutting board, and a sharp knife.
What you’ll need from the pantry: Some of your leftover pulled pork. Sliced ham. Yellow mustard. Swiss cheese. Dill pickles. Cumin. Cayenne powder. Butter. 6” Cuban rolls (they look like hoagie buns) OR 6” Italian loaves (made for sandwiches) OR Dave’s Killer White Bread Done Right (this is actually a decent substitute, although it’s thin). A little oil.
Put a little (2 tablespoons) of oil in the skillet and heat to just a little higher than medium, but not medium high.
Toss a few good-sized handfuls of pulled pork into the hot skillet. Separate the meat with your spatula as it sizzles. Dust it with cumin (A light dusting, not a tornado). Repeat with cayenne, but about half as much. You want a HINT of flavor on this pork, not an overbearing bunch of anything.
When the pork is heated, but not browned (or dry), set the skillet aside.
Now, if you’re thinking of skipping this step, I’ll tell you this. If your pork is already warm and prepared to eat, fine, skip it. If not, do it. The sandwich will have cold pork in the center if you don’t. That, my friends, will turn a great sandwich into a shitty one.
Set the clean skillet on the heated burner.
Butter the inside of one side of your bread, LIGHTLY. This is an “as thin as you can spread it” moment. Act like you’re in a contest, and the thinnest is the winner.
Cover that butter with swiss cheese. Cover that swiss cheese with a thin layer of ham. Not one deli slice, but not a massive wad, either. If it’s thin sliced deli ham, do it 3 slices thick.
Add pickles on top of the ham. Plenty of them. Enough that the person eating the sandwich has the ability to get at least a portion of a pickle in each bite.
Put a good wad of pulled pork on top of the pickles. This should be twice as thick as the ham, roughly.
Put a decent (not as thin as the butter, that’s for sure) layer of mustard on the inside of the other slice of bread.
If you’re using a bun, swing it closed. If it’s Dave’s Killer Bread, put it together.
Butter each side of this masterpiece on the outside. This is not a thin moment, either. Butter. That. Fucker.
Grill on each side until browned and the cheese is melted, turning between 2 and 4 times. If you’re using little loaves, press the sandwich flat against the skillet with the face of your palm like you’re trying to mash it. In fact, mash it, but do it evenly.
Wipe the butter off of your hand and onto your clothes.
Using the spatula, remove the cooked Cubans.
Transfer to the cutting board and slice at an angle. Corner to corner if it’s Dave’s Bread. Just an odd angle if it’s a loaf. Yes, this sandwich must be sliced. It’s a punishable offense if you eat one unsliced.
This goes well with the pasta salad in the “side dishes” section.
No matter how you decide to eat it, you’re going to love it. My wife, Jessica, hates mustard, can’t stand dill pickles, and isn’t a big fan of ham, but she can’t wait for me to make her one of these.
Why?
Because they’re fucking good.
Enjoy.
DOUBLE GRILLED CHEESE
TIME: Seriously?
What you’ll need from the cupboard: A large skillet and a spatula. A cutting board.
What you’ll need from the pantry: Thick sliced sourdough bread, preferably. If you don’t have it, use Dave’s killer White Bread Done Right. Whatever you do, use a hearty slice of bread, not some fucking Wonder Bread bullshit. Butter. Mayonnaise. Sliced Provolone. Sliced Cheddar.
Place skillet on stove and set to medium.
Lay the slices of your chosen bread on the cutting board. Spread one side of each slice with mayonnaise. A decent layer. Not like the whisper thin job you did with the butter on the Cubans, but not a mess, either. Just a decent layer.
Yes, it has to have mayonnaise on it.
On one slice, place provolone cheese over the entire slice. If this takes 2 slices, fine. 1-1/2, fine. Just cover it entirely.
On the other slice, do this with cheddar.
Press the two sides together, cheese to cheese.
Butter the outside of the sandwich liberally. Not margarine. Butter. Salted butter. If you haven’t tried it, now’s the time to try Kerrygold.
Jesus, Kerrygold butter is good enough to eat like a fucking candy bar. Anyway. Butter each side.
Grill over medium heat until brown, turning between 2-4 times, and/or until cheese is thoroughly melted.
Slice corner to corner.
Serve with Amy’s Organic Cream of Tomato soup. It’s so fucking good you’ll forget that it cost you 3 bucks a can.
If you’re on a budget, or conscious of seemingly overpriced organic shit, go with Campbell’s Cream of Tomato.
Be sure to dip the corners and the crusts in your soup.
Enjoy.
GRILLED BREAKFAST BURRITOS
TIME: 16 minutes.
What you’ll need from the cupboard: 2 large skillets, kitchen scissors, a rubber spatula, a mixing bowl, and a sharp knife. Paper towels. A plate.
What you’ll need from the pantry: Salt, pepper, 3 eggs per burrito, sharp cheddar cheese (grated), bacon, and butter. Whole milk. Mission Carb Balance Whole Wheat Tortillas (one per burrito). For condiments, salsa, Tabasco sauce, and sour cream are a few recommendations.