“Wow ... thanks for provin’ how big of a piece of shit you really think I am.” He yanked his arm away. “As always, go to hell.”
His father and I locked eyes as Cash made his way down the stairs.
“Don’t look at him, Junie. Look at me,” Cash ordered once he was standing before me.
Hesitantly, I did.
“He doesn’t know shit ’bout shit.” Gripping onto the back of my neck, he murmured in my ear, “Show me what love is, baby. I want you to show me.”
My gaze still found its way back to his father, who hadn’t moved from where he was standing at the top of the stairs.
“I need you to show me, Junie.”
His dad shook his head, as if he could hear what Cash was whispering. Mouthing, “Don’t do it. Don’t enable him. Please. Tell him no.”
My mind and my heart were suddenly ripped in two different directions. The detective was trying to protect me.
From what exactly?
He was acting so much like my brother. His very own father was against him. I couldn’t for the life of me understand how everyone could abandon him when he needed them the most. It didn’t make any sense. Cash wasn’t this monster they were making him out to be. He was never like that with me.
This past week proved how much he cared. He wouldn’t even sleep in the same bed with me, and he made sure I had everything I needed. His main concern was me. Putting all his emotions aside when it came down to sleeping with me. I didn’t see this destructive human they were painting him to be.
I wanted to help him, if it was the last thing I did.
“’Cuz you’re mine,” Cash softly sang. “I walk any line.”
I was torn in two.
My loyalty to my brother on one hand and my love for his enemy on the other.
“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Since you were a little girl, you’ve brought light into my life. You’ve always been able to calm me. You know that. I know you know that, Junie. You came back into my life for a reason. You’re my journey to being a better man. I’ll stop drinkin’ and druggin’. I’ll do it for you. I can’t live like this no more. Hear me, listen to me when I tell you—I’ll get clean and sober for you.”
His father once again shook his head. It was like Cash was aware of what his dad was doing.
Emphasizing, “I don’t have a problem, Junie. If I did, you’re wit’ me now. I don’t need nothin’ else. I’ll show you the world, baby. Things you’ve only ever dreamt ’bout. ‘One day I’m gonna be grown just like you, and you’re gonna be all mine’,” he repeated my words from Rockfest, melting my heart. “You’ll have everythin’ you’ve ever wanted, includin’ me. I’ll spend the rest of my life makin’ sure of it. I promise you’ll experience things you’ve only read ’bout in your books, Junie. I’ll take you places you didn’t even know existed. Please, baby ... I wanna see my world through your eyes. Be wit’ me. Be mine.”
He was saying everything I wanted to hear. Everything I ever wanted.
A life.
With him.
“I promise you. I’ll change, for you. Start the next chapter of our lives wit’ me, so I can turn the page and leave this life behind. Show me what love is, Junie. Please ... I need you to.”
This was the moment I’d look back on and wish I would have listened to his father.
My brother.
This was the moment I could have changed everything that happened next.
The ride.
The euphoria.
The dream.
The high...
Before the low.
The fall.
The nightmare.
The high again.
This would have been the moment ...
I could have saved him.
Instead, I pulled away and peered deep into his eyes. “I’ll go anywhere with you.”
This would be the moment I became his enabler, and at the same time his new craving.
His new high.
This would forever be the moment, I didn’t know which one was worse.
Enabling him or addicting him to this thing called...
Love.
Chapter 13
“It may have been in pieces, but I gave you the best of me.”
-Jim Morrison
<>Journey<>
Welcoming us back with wide, open arms, Beck exclaimed, “And our family is back together,” as we stepped onto the tour bus.
He walked toward us with his arms still spread, sidestepping Cash to come right for me. Pulling me into the tightest hug, I could barely breathe.
“Our Junie is back. We missed our girl.”
Stixx and Jude got in on the hug, wrapping their arms around Beck and me.
“Family hug for Junie!” Jude celebrated.
“Everything is right again with our girl back on the bus,” Stixx added for good measure.
“You fuckin’ dicks! Stop callin’ her Junie. How many times do I have to remind you—she ain’t your girl. She’s mine.”
Beck replied, “No one is saying you can’t get in on this hug, you selfish prick.”
“Yeah, you possessive fuck,” Jude voiced.
Stixx sniffed me.
“Did you just sniff me?”
“Yep.” He glanced at Cash. “She smells way better than you. Is that sunflowers?”
Winking at me, Jude questioned, “Have you guys fucked yet?”
I swear I heard Cash release a growl from deep within his chest.
“Nope,” Beck chimed in. “They haven’t. Did you hear that? He sounds like a sexually frustrated son of a bitch.”
“Guys, can you stop hugging me now. I can’t breathe.”
“But we love you so much,” Jude stated, earning him another growl from Cash’s chest.
The second they let me go, Cash dragged me over to him and wrapped his arms around my stomach to embrace me from behind.
With his chin resting on my shoulder, he whispered in my ear, “If you let ’em touch you again, I’m gonna fuck you right in front of ’em, so they know whose cock you belong to. Wit’ your virgin blood still on my dick.”
“Whoa!” I hollered, not breathing for a whole different reason.
“Yeah, whoa is right,” Jude repeated. “You’re a virgin?”
“Oh, you lucky fuckin’ wanker!” Beck shouted, clapping his hands together. “Now we understand his selfishness. By the way, I’d love to watch.” He looked at Jude. “Do we have any popcorn?”
“No, you ate it all.”
He clapped again. “Suzie!”
“Who’s Suzie?” I asked.
“His PA,” Cash answered. “Beck has women at his house who sit around in bikinis just waitin’ to suck his dick.”
Offended, Beck roared, “It’s in their job titles, you fuckin’ prick! They’re my dick suckers.”
I giggled. I couldn’t help it. I loved how they all messed with one another, busting each other’s balls at any given moment.
“Are you fuckin’ your PA?”
“Cash!” Beck yelled. “Are you not fuckin’ yours?” We locked eyes. “I mean, you know ... before you came along, pet.”