“Guinevere…”
“What?” I sigh, my exhaustion sinking into every cell of my body. I no longer have the strength for this. “What do you want now?”
“Don’t fight me on this. Everything I’m saying is the truth.”
“I won’t argue with you on anything anymore.” I look at him straight in the eye. “But I’m not leaving.”
Nothing, not even a flash of emotion. The only thing he does is clench his jaw and his fists.
A sob tears through me as I push the door open and close it gently behind me. Sure, I’d love to slam it but that would be childish. Nathan didn’t abandon me when I needed someone. He stuck by me. I can’t leave him now, not when he clearly needs me.
This is stupid. What is he playing at? This makes no sense.
Nathan doesn’t come after me and I won’t lie, half of me expected him to. The other half wanted him to.
This is so messed up. Nathan’s right.
Oh my god.
Is he really seeing someone else? Why is it that this thought hurts more than everything else? Maybe because I’m so used to Nathan circling around me and only me for such a long time. Have I somehow mentally made him my property?
No, I’m just pissed off. I don’t care who he sleeps with.
I’ll be even more pissed off if he chooses her over us, if he so willingly throws us out because of a new fling.
I’m not sure what to do. I’m not sure if I’m right or not. I have to stick this out. I can’t leave him.
Dillan wakes three times in the night, although it doesn’t bother me too much as I don’t sleep a wink. Nathan leaves at seven, way earlier than usual. Is he avoiding me because he can’t be bothered to argue? Or is he serious about it all and can’t stand the sight of me?
I hate him so much for making me feel this way. My anger is trembling under the surface of my skin, causing my blood to boil. Lashing out seems like a great idea right now, but for some reason I just can’t. As much as I want to throw things at him, deep down I know that he doesn’t deserve it. He’s been so good to me and Dillan. How can I hate him for wanting his life back?
If anything I should hate Caleb for leaving me in the first place.
But what’s the truth? Somebody give me the answers before I drive myself crazy.
Chapter Twenty-Four
“You need a break,” Jeanine tells me and she’s right. “You’ve lost weight; you look exhausted.”
I yawn loudly, pretty much proving her words. “Things aren’t great right now.”
“I can tell,” she mumbles and lets out a long sigh. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I shake my head. “Not really. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.” And Nathan still isn’t speaking to me. After our argument last night I genuinely hoped it would have all blown over. Instead he walked downstairs, saw me sat in the dining room with Dillan and asked, “Still here?” He didn’t wait for an answer, his tone clearly stating he didn’t like the fact that I’m still here. After grabbing his food that I made, he vanished upstairs. I heard his office door slam shut and let out the breath I’d been holding.
I need to find a way to get through to him.
“Why don’t you come over for dinner tonight? Bring Dillan obviously.” That actually doesn’t sound too bad.
“A word please, Jeanine,” Nathan snaps. I wince, praying I haven’t gotten her into trouble. She rolls her eyes and gives me a wink before following him out of the room and up the stairs.
Of course I follow, how can I not? They don’t have to know that though.
“Yes, I’m serious.” I hear Nathan say.
My ear is pressed up against the door. I feel like I’m in a movie.
Jeanine laughs as if he’s said the funniest thing in the world. I don’t have to wait long for an explanation. “Oh, Nathan. You know I don’t have to work. The only reason I do work is because I’m the only person who keeps your house the way you like it.” She laughs again. “But by all means fire me. It won’t stop me from speaking to Gwen. She’s become a friend and I don’t treat my friends with such disrespect.”
Nathan doesn’t respond but I can feel his annoyance seeping through the wooden door.
“Will that be all?” Jeanine asks and I quickly run away. They probably know I was there, but to be honest I don’t care.
I can’t believe he threatened to fire her if she continued speaking to me. Or at least that’s what I understood from their short conversation. What an arsehole.
Is he really that desperate for me to leave?
My answer is yes. I get this answer by suffering another two days with him.
“I didn’t want lasagne. If you’re going to stay in my home even though I’ve asked you to leave, you could at least prepare food that I actually want to eat.” I watched him take his plate and scrape the untouched food into the bin. That was yesterday at dinner.
“This room is horrendous. It stinks of nappies.” This was said this morning after I had just changed Dillan’s nappy. He knew very well I’d just done this as well, as I was in the middle of wrapping it up in a nappy bag.
About half an hour later I was trying to connect to the internet. It didn’t work. Nathan stood in the archway and explained harshly, “The internet isn’t free, you know. Have some self-respect. Pay for your own things.”
I didn’t respond. I played minesweeper instead as Dillan had his nap. I can only pray that it gets better.
Which brings us to now.
Not even twenty minutes later Nathan returns, picks up my laptop and takes it away. He comes back with my old phone, takes my new one from my pocket, swaps the sim cards and places my old phone back into my pocket.
“You paid for the nursery. Are you going to take that away too?” I comment dryly, my eyes narrowed.
“No, I’ll need that room empty and I doubt I’ll get my money back on such poorly looked after furniture.”
I let out a laugh. “Considering you’ve used the furniture as much as me, that’s an insult to yourself.”
He only leaves the room. I sit and twiddle my thumbs, my irritation at a new level. I’m finding it hard to keep it together and it’s only been one day.
Oh god. What now? He’s back. It hasn’t been fifteen minutes since he left the room.
Oh wait, it’s okay, he’s going to the car with my… why the hell does he have my nappy bag? I watch him walk back to the house through the clear glass of the window. His face is a hard mask.
He steps into the room and throws Dillan’s coat at me. I catch it before it hits me in the face. “Take Dillan and get out for a few hours. Your nappy bag is packed with the right amount of everything.”
“What?” He’s kicking us out for the day?
“You heard me, I have to concentrate. Get in your car and go.”
Will he let me back in if I do?
He sighs at my lack of action and snatches the coat from me. “Honestly, you’re his mother. The least you could do is get him ready to leave. That’s all I’m asking.” I’m going to punch him.
I watch him dress Dillan quickly and efficiently. God damn him. Now he’s leaving the house.