Sigh. “Fine. Give me a minute, I need to call my mum.”
He nods and ducks out of the room after I nod towards the door.
“Explain,” my mum says, sounding curious rather than irritated or put upon.
“I’m coming home.”
“Well, I guess it’s a good thing I unpacked your things then.” I can hear the smile in her voice. “I’m looking forward to seeing you. Text me when you’re on your way.”
“I will. Thanks mum.” I hang up the phone and stare at my empty room.
I failed.
Nathan doesn’t say anything as he drives me to Jeanine’s. I don’t say anything either. I’m not entirely certain there is actually anything we can say. He’s made his feelings clear and I’m not sure what my feelings actually are right now.
He pulls up outside of Jeanine’s house, which isn’t too far from Nathan’s but is far enough for me to want to drive there.
Before I can reach for the handle, the doors lock. I give it a tug, sigh and sit back in my seat. “What’s the problem, Nathan?”
He nods, his tongue creeping out to moisten his lower lip. “I promised you I’d never hurt you purposefully.”
“That you did.” Where’s he going with this?
“I’m not doing this to purposefully hurt you either.” He mutters conspiratorially. I really don’t have the brainpower for this right now.
“Look…” I place my hand on his that rests on his thigh and give him a soft look. “I don’t blame you. You don’t need to feel guilty. Dillan and I aren’t your problem, we never were. Thank you for the ride.”
The look he gives me shows far too much regret than any person should have to deal with. “Everything I’ve done, I’ve done it for you.”
“That’s why I’m not blaming you now.”
With one last lingering look at me, he finally flicks the locks on the doors. “I’ll miss you, Gwen.”
My heavy heart pounds. “Why are you saying that like we’ll never see each other again?” Panic follows, I don’t like this. “What about Dillan?”
He doesn’t respond, he only twists his hands on the steering wheel and stares straight ahead.
“Nathan?” I prompt, my voice breaking. “What about Dillan?”
“I…” He looks away from me. “I don’t know.”
“Don’t do this,” I whisper, full of pain and desperation. “You promised me a home…”
“I gave you one.”
“And now you’re ripping it away.” I sniff, trying so hard not to cry. “You’re my best friend.”
“Get out of the car, Guinevere,” he says gruffly.
“No.”
He leans over, keeping his face turned away from me and pushes the door open with his hand. The cool breeze dries the burning tears on my cheeks. “Get out of the car.”
Shaking my head with disappointment, I lean over and press my lips to his cheek before climbing out of the car. He inhales a shuddering breath as I close the door and wave at him through the windscreen.
I’m grateful that he doesn’t leave until I’m inside, hearing the engine slowly quieten as it leaves the driveway is hard enough. Watching it would probably break me.
“It didn’t go well then?” Jeanine says as I step into her house. She’s stood near the window by the door so I’m assuming she was watching. I take Dillan from her arms and hold him at arm’s length.
“Did you miss me, baby? Did you miss me?” I coo in a baby voice. I look to Jeanine and shrug. “Unfortunately it didn’t.”
“He’ll come around,” she reassures me, but I don’t need the reassurance. Right now I’m too angry with Nathan to even consider fighting for his friendship. “What did he say?”
“Not much. Did you know he was going to move all of my things out?”
She shakes her head. “He told me he had some family business to deal with and needed the house free, so I told him I’d invite you round for the morning.”
I want to be mad at her betrayal but I can’t; she was just looking out for someone she’s known since he was a child. I can’t blame her for her loyalty to him and not to me.
“If I’d known that he would do this, I would have told you.” Her eyes hold sincerity and I believe her words. It brings me a small amount of relief. “What are you going to do now?”
I blow out a breath, which accidentally catches Dillan in the face and makes him jerk around with fluttering eyelids. Giggling, I take him into the room and lay him on the play mat. He stares up at the flashing lights that hover over his head and kicks his chunky little legs. “I’ll call my mum or Sasha and see if one of them can pick me up.”
“Well, if they can’t, I will take you.”
I shake my head. “I know how much you hate driving for long periods of time. We’ll be fine.”
“Where’s your necklace?” She asks and I wince in response. “Oh dear.”
“I had a moment of anger,” I whisper, feeling ashamed of myself. My fingers seek out the necklace which is no longer there. “I’ll be back. I’m going to make a few calls.”
Unfortunately Sasha can’t get me until tomorrow and my mum’s car is in for repair. That leaves me with no options. Maybe I should just accept that ride from Nathan.
It would give us a chance to talk.
Burying my pride, I pick up my phone, having to lean over the couch as the cord for my charger isn’t long enough to reach and if I unplug it it’ll just die on me again.
Nathan answers after a few rings. “Forget something?”
Yes. You.
“No… umm… Nobody can collect me until tomorrow,” I admit and chew on the inside of my cheek. “I’d go tomorrow, Jeanine has offered for me to stay, but I only have enough nappies to last me until tonight.” I’m still breastfeeding so food isn’t a problem. “And he doesn’t have any pyjamas or even a place to sleep.”
He doesn’t speak for a long moment. “I’ll take you but it won’t be until later. I’m actually on my way to deal with a few things.”
“I also still have your house keys,” I tell him and pat my pocket for confirmation.
“I’ll pick them up when I pick you up.” He pauses for a moment. “I am sorry it has come to this, Guinevere.”
What do I say to that? “Me too.”
The longer I sit and think about my actions from earlier today, the more ashamed I become. My neck feels bare and I want more than anything to have my necklace back and erase the pain that flitted through Nathan’s eyes when I ripped it from my neck.
I acted unreasonably and, despite my need to be angry and my need to yell, I can’t. He’s going through something and I’m not sure whether he’s trying to protect me or himself.
Indecision clouds my brain. I want to fight for him, more than anything. I can’t bear the thought of losing him but I also can’t stand to be on the receiving end of his anger whenever something gets tough.
Also is this person, who is clearly holding something over him, dangerous? This concerns me. I don’t just have myself to think about, I have Dillan now. Maybe I just have to put my faith in Nathan and trust that he’s dealt with it.