“I told you I wanted you to leave,” he says but there’s no emotion to his tone. His hands tremble by his sides.
I don’t know what to say. I’m dazed, totally and completely dazed. I think I just lost my mind.
“What about Dillan?” It’s the only question I can manage to ask. I don’t want an answer to any of the others.
He shrugs noncommittally. “I’ll see him when I can. If you allow it.”
I nod quickly and a little frantically, my body tense as it struggles to keep my emotions bottled. I won’t give him the satisfaction. “Sure. You’re his uncle.”
“I appreciate that.” He chews on his cheek. “I warned you…”
My hand shoots up, silencing him immediately. “I know. I should have listened. I didn’t think you were serious. That’s my mistake.”
His eyes watch me warily for a moment. “Are you okay?”
A tingle erupts in my chest, forcing a lump up my throat. I swallow it down. “Fine. Are you sure they packed everything of ours?”
He looks me in the eye, his face now one of concern. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Am I? I feel okay. Shocked and maybe a little sad but I’m otherwise okay. “Yeah.”
“I’m sor…”
My hand shoots up again. “You don’t owe me an explanation, Nathan.”
“I…”
“No.” I throw the bag of donuts at him and he catches them with ease. I watch for his reaction as he peels the bag open. His eyes sparkle with the memory of that night.
“One of the best nights of my life,” he says quietly and looks at me, his gaze unsure. “Thank you for these.”
I ignore him and his strange look. “I have a bag of my things in your room, did you remember those?”
He cringes. “No. Sorry, I forgot about the time you stayed upstairs with me.” Yeah right. More like he wanted an excuse for me to come back. What game is he playing? Do I even care?
How do I even feel?
“I’ll just grab them now.” My voice sounds weird. Why does it sound so… hollow?
He follows me up the stairs and into his room. Unfortunately he doesn’t remain silent. “I expected you to be angry.” Yeah, me too. “I don’t like this.”
“You don’t like what?” I mutter and turn on the light. My bag is under the desk in the corner. I pull it out by the handle and sling it onto my back.
“This calm…” he waves a hand at me, as if referring to all of me rather than just my expression.
I give him a shrug. “Thanks for everything. Honestly. You’ve done so much for me. I guess I just can’t seem to blame you for wanting your life back.”
“That’s not what this is.” He takes a step towards me, almost as if he wants to touch me but thinks better of it and leans against the wall instead.
“Then what is it?”
He opens his mouth, closes it, opens it, lets out a frustrated growl and runs his hand through his hair.
A familiar cool disk taps the curves of my breasts. I’m so used to wearing it I forgot it was there. I wrap my hand around the circular pendent and pull it from my neck and the chain breaks. If this had happened yesterday, I would have been devastated. Now I don’t care. “Here.” I hold it out for him to take.
The pain in his eyes does nothing to me. He shakes his head, looking like I’ve just killed his puppy. “I don’t want it back. I made it for you.”
“Exactly.” I toss it at him but he makes no move to grab it. We both watch as it flies past his arm and slides along the floor into the darkness of his closet. I feel nothing. I’d throw the matching bracelet too but I’m not wearing it. “There are twelve boxes downstairs in the kitchen, all of them full of your favourites. You can freeze them because I doubt even you will be able to eat them all in two days.”
“Gwen,” he whispers softly.
“Don’t,” I say and rub my eyes. “I’m going to call for a taxi.”
“Take your car,” he implores, following me down the stairs to the first floor where my room resides. “That’s more for Dillan than it is for you. You said you’d keep stuff for Dillan, right?”
I blink at him like he’s stupid. Hell, he is stupid. “Nathan, how the hell do you expect me to afford it? The insurance is ridiculous and it eats through fuel like we breathe air.” He opens his mouth to speak but I don’t let him. “I don’t have a job, I have no money and my mum won’t let me stay for longer than a month.” He opens his mouth again but, like before, I cut him off. “And this isn’t a guilt trip. It’s the truth. I don’t want anything from you.”
“I’ll provide for you both until you get back on your feet.” His voice is barely there. I can see a flicker of emotion in his eyes. Is that remorse? “I’ll rent an apartment for you. There’s a really nice one in the…”
“Can you just call me a taxi? I need to go and pick up my son.” I show him my phone which has just this second died due to me failing to charge it last night. “No power.”
“Only if you promise to let me pay for it,” he demands, hiding his phone behind his back. “Or better yet, let me drive you to your mum’s.”
“No,” I refuse adamantly and check around my bedroom for anything that he may have left behind. “Thanks, but you’ve done enough for me already.”
“Then let me do something more.”
A tiny zap of anger pierces through my bubble of numbness. “No. I don’t want anything from you anymore. You’ve made your feelings on us loud and clear.”
“Us?” He blinks in astonishment. “What do you mean us?”
“I meant me,” I correct myself, cursing for my idiotic slip up that he’ll no doubt read into.
“You said us.”
“Well excuse me if I’m a little out of sorts, Nathan,” I hiss and prod him in the chest. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’ve just lost my entire life… yet again.”
His skin turns an odd shade of yellow. “That’s not what this is. You get to go back to your friends. You get to…”
“This is my home. No… sorry. This was my home.” My heart plummets, its beat no longer existent. “You were my home.”
He staggers back a step, his hand gripping hold of the desk. “Caleb was your home.”
“Yeah,” I laugh coldly. “He was. But he’s dead and I lost that.” I realise something and mentally kick myself for not realising it sooner. “You gave me that back. Just in a different way.”
“I didn’t know you felt that way. I thought…”
“Stop thinking. It doesn’t suit you.”
“Maybe we can talk about this. Maybe I’ve rushed my decision.”
“Maybe you can call me a taxi so I can get my son and find a way to get to my mum’s. A way that doesn’t involve you. Besides, it’s not going to change anything, is it?”
He lets out a growl of frustration, answering my question without words. Instead he says, “At least let me give you a ride to Jeanine’s.” I go to pass him but his hand wraps around my bicep. “Please.”