No, he’s just mad at me.
Why would he think I’d stay at his stupid cabin, then?
Um… because you’re out in the middle of nowhere, Addy. It’s only one night. Aren’t you curious about what it’s like inside?
She had a point. He’d talked about the cabin so much, I was curious, but I thought I’d be here with Jax, enjoying it with him. I flushed, remembering our plans to spend Thanksgiving weekend here. I’d even told my parents I wouldn’t be home. That was before everything blew up in my face. I sighed brokenly typing back a response.
That’s dumb. I can’t get in.
Within seconds my phone was ringing.
“Yeah?” I answered.
“I got tired of texting. He said there was a porch, and a key is hidden behind one of the corner posts.”
“Great,” I said flatly, glancing at the porch. There were posts on the corners and every few feet between, but there was snow piled around each one. “There is a pile of snow around them. And which one is it, anyway?” I asked crabbily.
Michelle chuckled. “Northwest side. Try to make the best of it!”
I grunted, annoyed. “What’s the best of it? I get to stay here surrounded by him so I can wallow in it all night?”
“I don’t know, Addy. Just… at least he offered.”
“Did he ask about me? I mean, where did you see him?”
My roommate hesitated. “Just on the street. It was a fluke.”
It sounded fishy to me. “Which street? Where?”
“Mark’s on my case to get off the phone. We’ve just arrived at his folks. I love you. Talk to you later, Addy.”
“Wait! Michelle!” I said into the phone, but she’d already ended the call. “Shit!
Reluctant to get out of the car, I waited for a beat, but there was nothing I could do except find the key before it got completely dark outside. Out here in the wilderness, there would be no glow of city lights reflecting off of the overcast sky to help me find it.
I turned off the engine and then turned on the flashlight from my phone and before long I was tiptoeing through the eight inches of snow. I started when the frozen stuff slid into the top of my ankle boots. I used the setting sun to determine the right direction and found the northwest corner. It was on the front side of the house, so thankfully, I didn’t have to trudge through more snowbanks.
I stood staring at the post disappearing into the snow below the porch knowing I’d have to fall to my knees to do this. My feet were already getting wet because the heat from my body was melting the snow around my ankles and it started to run down inside.
“Come on, Addy, you can do this,” I mumbled before letting myself fall to my knees and shoving my hand through the snow. I moved it around and scooped handfuls out of the way. My gloveless fingers starting to freeze. Finally, my middle finger hooked around a keyring and I pulled it out. “Thank God.”
I quickly stood up and made my way up the few steps onto the porch, and shivering, shoved the key into the lock and turned it, pushing open the door.
I was immediately assaulted with Jax’s scent. His cologne permeated the air as I walked inside and closed the door behind me. It was darker inside, but the waning light outside let me make out the shapes of the furniture. I found a lamp on an end table by a couch, and reaching under, I turned it on.
The low light flooded the room. It hit me how masculine the furnishings were, and the interior walls were rustic log cabin. I expected Jax to have one of those ultra-modern log homes that cost a gazillion dollars, but this was small and old fashioned. It was warm inside so it must have central heat and air.
I glanced around, taking it all in. A light blue button down was flung carelessly across the back of the big dark brown sofa. The furniture and appliances were expensive, and the hardwood floors looked new, even if the cabin wasn’t. It had a certain charm in its mix of modern and rustic, with the stone fireplace cradled in between matching sofas and a huge chair and ottoman. The kitchen and living areas were connected and there were two doors on one wall that I could only assume were the bedroom and bathroom. I could see why he loved this place.
I ran my fingers along the top of the chair before going outside to get my small roller bag out of the back of the car. I’d only brought enough clothes for the long weekend, but the bag wouldn’t roll through the snow, so I had to lug it up the stairs and inside.
The wooden door with the curtained pane glass clashed with the lush interior furnishing, but I found it quite quaint. In many ways the cabin was like its owner; polished in many ways but soft and rough around the edges in others. I put my suitcase in the bedroom. The bed was unmade, and the covers rumpled. I touched the pillow where an indent indicated where Jax laid his head.
I sighed. I had to stop it. I was only torturing myself. I had hope when I’d come down here; hope that he’d listen to reason, accept my apology and maybe we could forgive each other. I missed him. So much more than I could have imagined. It was like a part of me was missing. If only Michelle had told me he’d looked like hell, or shown more than a passing interest, I would have felt better. As it was, I didn’t want to stay here without him and was only doing so because it was getting dark.
“Yeah, sure, keep telling yourself that Addy,” I admonished myself. The truth was, I wanted to be surrounded by him, even if it was only his things. My heart was bruised, and I would allow myself this one indulgence before I’d be forced to pick myself up and move on. Tonight, alone, here, I’d let myself drown in the memories, I thought sadly.
The cabin had two televisions and I found the remote for the one in Jax’s bedroom and flipped it on. Soon, I’d picked up one of his T-shirts carelessly discarded next to the bed and pulled some clean panties from my suitcase. I hoped a steaming hot shower would relax the tension that round me up tight. I let myself linger inside the tiled walk-in for longer than I normally would; my mind completely full of him.
It all came rushing back. The first time he spoke my name in that big auditorium and then when he’s groaned it out when he made love to me. How, when his eyes roamed over me, I broke out in goosebumps like I’d just been hooked up to an electrical circuit. All the times he’d touched my body, our many walks in the streets of Manhattan, and those damned intellectual talks I knew I’d never experience with anyone else. The intimate dinners and evenings working on my book. How, those Fridays turned into weekends and then… more.
I leaned against the wall letting my emotions overtake me. A few tears mingled with the steam and water drops running down my face as I washed my hair. My heart was seizing, yet I went through the motions. I was helpless to change what was happening, or how I felt. Maybe, it was a mistake staying here. I’d left New York with hope that we’d be okay if I could surprise him down here, yet here I was alone.
After I’d dressed in Jax’s shirt, and wandered back into the main room, it occurred to me that I hadn’t eaten all day. It was the small stainless-steel refrigerator that reminded me rather than my stomach. I opened the door and leaned in taking stock of the contents. That icky expensive beer Jax preferred, some grossly expensive water, and a variety of cheese and vegetables. Milk and juice. Some deli roast beef. Gourmet Mustard. Apparently, he didn’t plan on eating much while he was down here. I grabbed one of the glass bottles of water and twisted off the cap and took a long drink.